My dad died last night

[lovemypillhead]

Hello everyone....

Just wanted to post about my dad.  He passed away last night.

I had posted about a month ago about how he was detoxing and going thru bad withdrawls and the fate of his life.

He never got back to good.  He started detoxing Dec 5th and since then has been in and out of the hospital, always thought he was in a hotel, was always mad that the "hotel staff" wouldn't bring him up a bottle of booze and cigarettes. He was moved to a rehab facility about a week ago to learn to walk again......but apparently that wasnt in his cards.

I swear to God I am in shock and i don't know why. Why would I be in shock? I  have never lost a parent. I don't know. It is surreal in a way. I was driving this morning and looked at passer bys and thought "wow, u know life does go on....without a beat..."

I am not a religious person. I am spiritual but not religious but now....I think woh my god what if he didnt go to heaven. There is no doing it again, there is no making up for your past mistakes, there is no being right with God now. OMG i hope he is in heaven but i don't know that he is and that makes me so crushed.

What's so strange to me is that everyone wanted my dad to quit drinking. He did. And, now he is dead.  I really feel as though the detox and the way it was gone about killed him.  Am I crazy?

Anyways, I just wanted to update....also, incase i am not on for awhile....now u know.

Thanks everyone who helped me before and walked me thru this.

Wow, I come on MEDHELP to get help about my boyfriend's addiction and my DAD...my dad of all people died from an addiction. How selfish of me to not come on here and try and get him help.

[Cherie762]

im so sorry for your loss, please dont blame yourself "for not coming on here to get him help" your a good woman and he was a man who made his own free will choices...i am religious and God loves his children especiallly the lost ones Im sure your Dads in heaven and you shall see him again one day.

[trippedoutgirl]

I'am very sorry to hear about your loss. May GOD Our Father watch over your family in this time of need in JESUS name .

[troubleinohio]

Im so sorry hon. I too had my dad die from alcoholism. I was 18 when he died. We had a voliatile relationship as he was an abusive drunk and towards the end he was delusional from DT's too. It took me many years to get past my anger and a ton of other emotions that surrounded the situation. I was still mad at him when he died which of course eventually turned into terrible guilt later on. And then years later when my own addictions reared their ugly heads , for once in my life (and way too late), i finally understood my dad and what he was going thru. It feels very strange to finally feel some kind of understanding of him so long after his death.  I also wondered at the time if he went to heaven or what too because of all the terrible things he'd said and done to our family. Its probably a pretty common thing to wonder when anyone dies unless they were a pure saint in life.
My heart goes out to you. PM me if you need to talk more or anything.
xo xo xo

[dominosarah]

I am very sorry to hear about your dad........sara

[lady67]

January 1st was one year since my Dad passed away.  It was undoubted the hardest thing I have ever had to go through.  This man was my best friend, and I thought I would die too.  It took me forever (atleast it seemed that way) to get through it.  At his funeral I promised him and myself that I would stop with all the pills.  I am proud to say that I haven't had a sleeping pill since then, and I haven't had a hydro since May.  As for the grieving part, it will take a while.  It isn't something that you can get through overnight.  Things remind me of him all the time, but I have learned that those are just happy memories of the time we had together.  

I pray that God will comfort you during this time in your life.

Susan

[enemy48]

Oh sh*t.  Man, what bad news to read.  

I will be thinking of you through the next few days.

You've been a wonderful gal for me to be friends with.  I understand what's going through your head right now, and now it's going through mine, because you always have the wonder of the question of what comes after death.  

I will wait to hear from you.  And I am soooo, so saddened by the news.

Love you much,

Pamela.

[GA Guy]

I'm praying for you and your family, dear.

[grammy64]

I am so sorry.  You are definitely in my thoughts.

Hugs,
Lori

[NautyOne]

I am so very sorry for your loss.  When I lost my dad I often wondered and thought about the same things you are feeling.  Your Father is in God's loving hands now.  I hope you can take comfort in that and never question it..........

((Hugs))~~~~~~Nauty

[PromisedLand]

My thoughts and prayers are with you..having just recently lost my son, I found myself thinking the same things as you...I went outside the hospital after his death, just to be alone..and sat down to smoke a cigarette...and watch cars going by, none of them knowing what just happened...life goes on..

I pray you are able to recover quickly...it's going to take a while..I'm still trying to come back from my son's death.

Jim

[Mandapanda17]

sorry for your loss sweetie. Don't feel that you were being selfish, you probably were helping both of them just by coming on here and getting yourself informed. Maybe this will be a wake up call for your BF too. Much love and hugs!!!

[HelpinUtah]

Honey:  One more thing - your Dad does know you love him!!!  Please do not beat yourself up over not seeing him.  He can see you and I believe that God allows our loved ones to visit us and comfort us.  My sister-in-law lost her husband in March 2008 - and she feels him around her all the time.  I've felt him too.  So, he knows you love him!!!  

[HelpinUtah]

Oh sweetie - I'm so very sorry for your loss!

I can understand your worries and feelings - but remember that God loves his children and your father was trying to get his life back together when he passed.  That's a plus!!!  I am a religious and spiritual person and I believe that God understands the trials we face here on this Earth and that he loves each of us so much that when we try to overcome our mistakes in this life, he forgives us through the atonement!  I don't want to get to preachy to you - but please know that your father was and IS a child of God!!!  I believe he will find peace.  

I know this is a shock, and so you and your family are in my prayers!  I pray that you will be comforted and that you will know how much you are loved here.  So, please come and share with us if you feel like you need to let it out!  I almost lost my Dad recently and I just can't imagine how you feel right now!!!!

Lots of love and hugs to you!!!

Love,
Janet

[lovemypillhead]

thank u all so much.  god, u guys are just unreal. and i feel so blessed to have so many people praying for me nad my family.

i really really hope he is in heaven. i do.  

my mom just emailed me and mind u i havent talked to my brother....and she said my brother is "really worried about your dad's soul"  so i guess im not alone in being concerned about that.  he claims he made peace but who knows. i dont know.

as u know im a bill collector and i keep calling people with these horribel sad ring tones which is pretty much setting me off now.  

anyways, this may be my last post for at least a week.  

thank u all, again, for everything.

[allaboutmary]

I am so, so sorry.  I truly believe we all go to a good place when we die (no exceptions). You will be in my thoughts and prayers. Hugs,  Mary

[frustrated431]

im so sorry that your dad died i cant imagine what you are going through.
i will keep you in my thoughts

[liscamdave]

Just as I said to you before, look at it like he is no longer suffereing. Take it from someone who lost both parents...its hard and I know you are in shock..but time will heal your wounds, trust me. You won't forget him..rather..you will take what you learned from him and this experience and impliment it into your own life and the life of those around you. I know none of this makes you feel any better, but as I said, before my mom died it was the same thing..she was in and out of hospitals and rehabs for her addictions and was connected to an IV that she had to drag aound everywhere. She was completely yellow from her liver literally decaying while she was alive..when she died, I didn't understand it at 11..but now I do and I know she is no longer suffering..and your Dad isn't either. I am sure he is in heaven. It is my belief that everyone goes to heaven...My husband was an addict and was for almost 8 years of his short life and I know he is in heaven.

I am here if you need anything at all...

Lisa

[alienshadow]

You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers...

I dont think God would turn him away we all have the devils DEMONS pulling at us all the time temptation is a B !!!

God knows how the devil works and thats one reason he is so forgiving .. I am sure your dad had his conversations with God before he passed and you will see him again in a better place...Until then I know you will always keep him close to your heart..

[teko]

I am so sorry!  It is never easy when you lose a parent! My heart and prayers go out to your family during this difficult time. Your daddy knws you love him. hugs, hugs, and more hugs.

[lovemypillhead]

Thank you all so much.

I know...there isnt much to say and that's ok.

My dad was AGAINST drugs.  He wasn't detoxing from drugs. Just alcohol. I am not sure the exact cause of death. I dont know. He went to the hospital Dec 4 for an MRI because he was having dimensia...which i guess one can have alcohol dimensia which is what his would have been. My step mom never told them he was a severe alcoholic and he had to been watched. So she leaves him. She goes back Dec 5 to pick him up....i guess thinking everything would be whatever. Well, he was strapped down and the hospital/dr's had put him into a medically induced coma.....he was in the coma for 2 weeks or so....then, when they tried waking him from the coma he wouldnt wake up til like 3 days later. He was then in the hospital about a month....that's when he didnt know what was going on....(see above).....he then came home for about 3 days, couldn't breathe so my step mom took him bk to another hospital. At that point, he started seizuring and stopped breathing. But they saved him. But he couldnt walk, feed himself etc. So then they moved him to a rehab place. And, i guess yesterday they couldnt wake him up and his blood pressure dropped deathly low. So, they took him to hospital....ICU and had him on a vent....at which point he died.

So, i really dont know what killed him.  I just think his body when thru a horrible withdrawl/detox and that messed him up? I don't know. And, my step mom isnt aggresive enough to ask the right questiojns.

I have so many questions. It is hard though. But, i am 10 hours away from him.  Damn it i should have gone down there. I freakin knew it. Just last week though my step mom was like "no no honey i really think he will get better and then come down....dont kill yourself to get down here"  but see...i should have gone

If u ever wonder if u should go see someone if they arent well and u think "well, i can always go next week."  GO. I cant ever say bye to him. I cant tell him i love him. I cant tell him im at peace with him. I cant tell him anything now.

[Jacqui805]

I MEANT to say that having a problem with drugs and alcohol would NOT be held against him....sorry.

[scaredmom330]

my deepest sympathy... I am so sorry...Take care my friend., my thoughts are prayers are with you and your family....

[Jacqui805]

OMG I'm SO sorry!  I'm just so so sorry.  It's such a shame that he was workin' on gettin' his life back...my Dad used to say that about retirement, that it seemed to him that as soon as someone finally reached the age they could retire, and did, they wind up dyin' like to weeks later.  Do you know the exact cause of death, or what they told you in the rehab facility?  I guess, in the end, it doesn't make that much of a difference, but I have found that with my own Dad's death, I needed to know details and since I didn't get them, it has left alot of things unresolved with me.  Was your Dad seemingly doing okay physically, any other health problems or medications?  I guess in the next couple of weeks, you'll probably find yourself asking yourself a bunch of questions and trying to find some sense in it.  No matter how you look at it, it seems unfair and just so wrong to lose a parent.  I don't think us being ANY age, makes it any easier to bear.  

I'm also not a religious person, but I do believe that somehow, in some way, we don't completely vanish into thin air once we die.  I don't believe there's a "good" place, or a "bad" place after life, and I think that if there IS a god, that he'd be a loving one.  He'd recognize that we're human and make mistakes and forgive us our wrong-doings.  I believe that in life, we all have our struggles and none of us are perfect.  I don't think that your Dad having a problem with drugs and alcohol made him any less of a man and that it would not be held against him.  I don't know what the right answer is, as none of us do, but I think that your Dad is okay.

I wish you some peace through all of this and that your you with your grief will be supported by lots of loved ones.  

[flmagi]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I don't know what to say, but I'm sorry.