For only as long as I can.....

[debsally]

That is my "new favorite" response to Sal's monthly relapses on the soma.  I told her again today that I will only do this for as long as I can and when I'm done, I'm out and it won't be for much longer.  So she went back to the doc and got a new rx and he is such an idiot, he forgot she's not suppose to take them.  I think he only gave her a few though cause I found out she stops taking them when she runs out like after taking all the pills, however many there are, in one week. So she's fine for a couple of weeks and I think she's got it under control but I found out what she is really doing.  She benges on them until there gone, turning into an unreliable f**ked up zombie and we have a big blow up and I give her an ultimatum and she "stops" usually after leaving for a day or two to stay f**ked up on them at her moms or a friends....anyway, I just realized as it is the third month in a row this has happened that this has turned into a cycle.

So I am pretty done.  Unfortunately, I am stuck for now financially.  But I start a new job on monday and in a month or two, I will be able to get out if this continues.  I will tell her this again tonight that she has 90 days to get her **** together or I am out.  I told her already today that she better fess up to her therapist about her using or she will never get the help she needs.  

Thats all for now.

Thanks for listening.  

I miss the randoms.

Love,

Debbie

[road2recovery]

WOW---thank god she is ok....I really hope this is her wake up call...AS far as you taken her back, u do what u have to , and no one will judge you.
My husband is my best friend, i could never give up on him, my kids are my life , and i couldn't give up on them.....And thank goodness they have not given up on me!!!
Good luck, i wish u only the best!
r2r

[debsally]

Thanks girls.  You are the greatest.  

Something has happened.  She blacked out behind the wheel and ran herself off the road last week.  This was the wake up call she needed.  She said God saved her one last time and she knows that this is her last chance.  This is her confession.  She has detoxed off the soma and has given everything to me.  She asked me to go to the doc w/ her on friday and told him everything.  He has reflected that in her chart.  

Something has happened inside her, some kind of resolve I haven't seen until now.  Of course it will take time to show if this "near death experience" will hold true.  Some of you have had near death and ended up caught back up in using....so I guess we will see.  

I can't help it.  I have taken her back.  I believe this is what she needed to WAKE UP.  I believe she is awake, more than I have ever seen.  I will give her one more chance and she knows this is the last I have to offer.  If I am making a mistake, so be it.  I want to try one more time.  If she is seriously awakened, she will stick to her plan.  If she is not, I will know soon enough.

Thanks as always for your support.  As some of you may know who have been married or with the same person through your ups and downs, you know how hard it is to give up when it seems there is hope.

We will see...time will tell.

Love you all,

Debbie

PS. hopey, I miss you too.

[avisg]

I am sorry ,you have been so supportive of her threw this ,i know you were hoping this would go much differently I was really hoping it would . You have to take care of you .
anyone would be very lucky to have someone as loving and supportive as you in there life's ,don't ever forget that .
avis

[tztlady]

There is nothing I can say that hasn't been said, and better than I could express it.  Just know that the randoms and others are always here for you.  Im saddened to hear of these relapses.  It is a cruel affliction, addiction and one has to really be committed to recovery to stay clean.  

tzt

[hopeless]

Hey Sweetie...

First of all i want to say, I have missed you so much! Think about you alot too! Second of all, I want to say that i agree with what the others have said. You need to stand your ground, you have stood by her time and time again. I feel that she knows that you will never truely leave her, this is why she never takes it serious. I understand that you honestly love her, and how hard this has been on you, but just keep telling yourself that "If I love her" then i need to do what is best for her...And that is walking away, give her a "wake up" call. If the 2 of you are meant to be, then it'll happen. She will get help, and the 2 of you can be one again. Might be the hardest thing you have to do, but at the same time might be the best thing you can do, (for the both of you, and your son). She needs to realize what she is loosing, and you need to stick to it cause if you don't then she will NOT take it serious. Remember the old saying: If you love something/someone then set it free, and if it's meant to be it'll come back to you? Well, this is what you need to do, for you and her. Hunny, i know your heart is and has always been in the right place, but the time has come for NO more excuses, NO more just threating her on you leaving, No more giving in to her...The longer this goes on the longer the battle is going to be. Time for Deb to be strong and do what's best for her and her son. Time for you to put YOU first, cause you so so so deserve it. You are truely one amazing woman.

Please don't take any of this the wrong way, ya know i love ya!!! Just want you to live your life and not have to keep dealing with issues that you shouldn't have to. Life is way too short to spend it this way. Don't waste no more of your precious time, cause honestly it is NOT working., One more thing, if she truely wanted to quit, then she would want you to help her get into rehab, so she could get the correct help that she needs. She clearly can NOT do it on her own. She needs professional help now. Maybe call her Doctor and tell him her story, he/she needs to know so they won't give the scripts anymore. Then all the pharmacy's, I know you did that once awhile back, so what happend? Why are they still filling her scripts? If you decide to stay, then really take action this time...Call the Dr., Call the pharmacy, Insist she gets in rehab, You find pills, then you flush them. Yup she will be mad, but oh well!! You tell her it is either me do all this, or we are through.

Oh Debs, i am so sorry for sounding so harsh. You know i am not that kind of person. Just trying to give you my advice is all. It's up to you in the end, just hope you do the right thing.

Luvs ya girl,
Hopey           :  )

[debsally]

Thank you, all of you.  I just re-read your comments and it is so helpful to have support.  You know, sometimes, I feel out here and alone.  I am going to have to start an alanon group and learn some better habits.  I am concerned that now that I have been with an addict, I will repeat the process.  NOT WANTING THAT TO HAPPEN.

She is still in the house.  We are in the process of moving out.  I have my son to concider, but it cannot happen overnight.  She is still trying to win me back.  I don't think it is possible without getting into treatment.

Yesterday was hard, and I felt like I was going to die.  Today I feel stronger, so thank you for your honest, your support and for not judging.  You all are awesome and I appreciate everyones opinions.  It is good to hear all the spectrums and take them all in.  It has helped me all along to weigh things out and attempt to make the right decision.

The problem now is that part of me still wants to believe.  Because I have seen her off the meds, and that is what I want, you know?  Still, I am biding my time and working towards a new start.  We will see what that new start is all about soon enough.

Love,

Debbie

[NautyOne]

I am so sorry, but at the same time happy for you that you finally put your foot down.  your ultimatums were falling on deaf ears for so long.  Please be strong and stick to your guns.  We don't know what the future holds, but this is the only chance (if any) for her to take you serious.  Don't back down.  There still may be hope somewhere down the road.  Just not now.  Hopefully she will realize what she has lost and pull her act together, but you have to accept that fact that she may not.  If absence makes the heart grow fonder, then she will do her part.  If not, you deserve so much better and you will find it.  Your too good of a person.  Don't ever forget that.  You did everything you could possibly do and more except stand your ground.  I am so proud of you, yet sad for you too.  Time will tell.

I wish you all the happiness you deserve.

Luv,
Nauty..............

[Marce4]

I am truly sorry for your pain.....your heart needs to heal but maybe now she will realize what she has lost and for what gain!!!!  Didn't doubt you could do this.....just prayed that you would find your inner strength!
Peace,
Marcie

[GoingToMakeIt]

Never doubted you, just wanted to see you helped and for her to make it clean. Good for you on making your mind up! Perhaps she will change, but until then stick to your guns.

[debsally]

I have left her.  I cannot take anymore.

It is over.

[Mangee]

The divergence of opinions expressed her are all pretty much an attempt to help and ease your mind somewhat. Marce4 and beach 777 have weighed in with their opinions and both make a lot of sense. Unfortunately none of us are fortune tellers and are unable to predict the future. What will happen in regards to your situation remains to be seen. Still you must make a firm decision on what to do and stick by it come,' Hell or high water." What you do, or don't do, will affect you greatly considering your closeness to the problem. Hopefully, we here can give you a little strength to help deal with it. In the meantime, stay strong, stay focused and do what you think is best.

[beach777]

I've followed your story and I have to agree with Marcatj: I don't think you will leave her. I have two pieces of advice, one stolen from Dear Abby and the other is the basic crux of Al Anon--which I highly recommend for you. First, Dear Abby says you have to objectively in the harsh light of day and with a full view to the future ask yourself "are you better off with or without her if nothing changes." In your heart you know the answer--and please understand I'm not implying I do. I'm simply suggesting you ask yourself that question and do some deep introspection.
Second: Al Anon teaches the three "C's"--commit them to memory: You didn't cause it, you can't control it and you can't cure it. Somehow knowing that has helped me many times. I wish you the best....and if you do stay....and my guess (only a guess) is that you will, well we'll be here to listen and not to judge.
Good luck sweetie. We all do what others think are unreasonable, but if done out of love, it is quite reasonable to us........

[Marce4]

Honey....you have given 100% of your time and devotion to her.....it's time to give yourself a chance!  This is only my opinion but it seems to me that when you threaten to leave  her,  she believes that you never will and will always stick by her...no matter what!  It doesn't seem that she has any intention of trying to quit....I think you can see this and so can the rest of us that have followed your story here!  You deserve so much more respect than she is giving you....it just breaks my heart to see you get hurt time and time again!  I agree with others  that you should go to Alanon and get some support from others who are going through the same thing as you! Don't be a doormat anymore....it's just not fair to you and your mental state!  I know that you love her dearly but enough is enough!  I hope this doesn't offend you because that is the LAST thing I intend to do....I just don't see anything changing for you if you don't take a stand!
My prayers are with you!
Peace

[marcatj]

hun, i've been following your story for some time, and honestly, i don't think you will leave her...

that's not right or wrong to me, it's just what it is.

so truly coming from a loving place, i would suggest that you go to al anon or some sort of support group to help you learn how to live with this situation as best you can.

i wish you nothing but the best...

[Mangee]

There comes a time when you have to do what you have to do. Each of us can only carry so much weight. If you feel that you have given all you can give, there is no alternative other than the one you have decided on. We can not put aside our own problems in order to concentrate wholly on someone else's. We can give where we are able to but, other than that, we also have our own lives to live and that in itself is hard enough. This may seem harsh to some here but that is what is. We can put aside our own problems for a short while but not on a continual,"No  win basis." "Lending a hand ," is a two way street and when it turns out that there is no give and only take, then we grow weary of carrying all the weight. We have seen many here give of themsleves and the majority of responses were purely positive, unfortunately not everyone responds in kind and that is what makes us want to, "Throw in the towel," so to speak. You know what they say," When the light grows dim it's time to put in a new bulb."  This, of course, is just my opinion. In the meantime, keep the faith.

[GoingToMakeIt]

Debbie it does suck Sorry but I wish it would be an easy fix. You have done all you know to do. It has to be up to Sally to change.

[FLaddict]

Aw Deb.. this sucks.. I really truly wish she was ready to be clean.. not only for herself but for your family..

If you need to talk please hit me up.. I know that some of the oldtimers aren't around anymore but I am still here.