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Avatar universal

Keep your Guard Up!!

Well, we finally got some substantial rain the last few days! We desperately needed it!
So what was I to do with no way to work outside? I started cleaning up my office. I have a filing cabinet that is a catch all for everything that dosen't have a designated place so needless to say, it is full of junk and was a good sized job to clean out.

Right in the very back of the bottom drawer, guess what I found? Yep, 250 count hydrocodone dated 2006.
I have been clean close to 4 years  (this April), and for a minute......I thought I had found gold coins or something!  Yes briefly I thought about taking a few (what the heck was going thought my mind?). I didn't , I flushed them but I have to admit I did feel something like remorse for a moment.

Anyway, all is well, I just thought it was kinda weird that I felt the way that I did when I found them.
I am really grateful for all of the people in this community who somehow seem to hold me accountable, I didn't really realize, I mean really realize how much all of you mean to me. Thanks,......... and Guard Up!!!!
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Avatar universal
Wow!   I could understand a stash somewhere of 5 or 6 pills and "forgetting" about it BUT that was a huge amount!!  You are good!  You went through the whole mental process,came full circle, and flushed!

I feel like the thinking will always be there although it can become more fleeting. I just expect it to be there and that's what keeps me on my toes, with my guard up!  I got cozy just once and learned the lesson...

Big hug to you friend!
Helpful - 0
495284 tn?1333894042
COMMUNITY LEADER
I dont believe the thinking ever leaves us either and i would be a liar to say i dont think that on occasion.  I have noticed one thing now tho, when i see someone come in that has a cast or had surgery my first thought is oh you poor thing, it used to be man i bet they have some good meds, sad but true.  It is nice having choices now and being able to act on the healthy ones.

I think we should all get together at Addicts house for supper.  He says his wife is an awesome cook and they like fish!!!
Helpful - 0
271792 tn?1334979657
PHEW! Those are my words of wisdom my dear. I am just so glad you are here and clean. I'm also glad you talked about it.

I don't understand finding stuff years later because I was always counting and protecting but it happened to me when I had about two years clean. I was cleaning out a closet and found an old suitcase that I had used on my last trip to Jamaica. When I picked it up I heard stuff moving around inside so I began to clean out the old toothpaste, sun tan lotion, etc. I stuck my hand in a zipper pouch and found two bottles. I guess that was my "vacation medication" because I always came up with a good reason to take every dang pill. Anyway, that old stinkin' thinkin' came right back and I romanced the thought of taking just a few.

I am not convinced that the thinking ever leaves us but my reaction to it and my behavior HAS changed. That's progress for me and it was progress for you too to flush them. We can't control our thinking but we can control our actions.

None of us are perfect but we are better people today and we just keep plugging along one day at a time.

GUARD UP!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
LOL Thank you sara.
I know what you mean about addictive thinking!
I thought the same thing about forgetting but, refills were not a problem for me if you recall. I had what I considered @ the time a good Dr.....he would refill anytime, even a couple of weeks early as long as I paid for an office call.

Thanks for always being there for me and I am proud to be your  "first"! HA!
GUARD UP!

Helpful - 0
495284 tn?1333894042
COMMUNITY LEADER
Ahh my friend, when i read this the first thought that came to mind was Way to go on flushing them, 2nd was my addict thinking, Really?  How the he!! did you forget that many pills stashed away?  It is strange how our brains work isnt it?  I remember when we first started talking and you would tell me Guard Up, well it was GUARD UP actually.  Little did i know the importance of those 2 words at the time, i sure do now.  I am really proud of you for flushing them and keeping that GUARD UP~~~

You are and always will be my "first"!!!
Helpful - 0
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