Aa
"Some Humor for the Day"...
Excerpts from the Diary of a Wisconsin Snow Shoveler
December 8: 6:00 PM. - It started to snow. The first snow of the season and
the wife and I took our coffee and sat for hours by the window watching
the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses
Print. So romantic, we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!
December 9: - We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering
every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more
lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here was the best idea I've ever
had. Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did
both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along
and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so got to shovel
again. What a perfect life.
December 12: - The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a
disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have a
white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so
much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I
don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man, I'm glad he's our
neighbor.
December 14: - Snow lovely snow! 8" last night. The Temperature dropped
to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away,
but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life!
The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't
realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get
back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so much.
December 15: - 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer.
Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the
freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I
think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.
December 16: - Ice storm this morning. Fell on my *** on the ice in the
driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour,
which I think was very cruel.
December 17: - Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere.
Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm.
Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I
should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. I hate it when
she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.
December 20: - Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the darn stuff
last night. More shoveling. Took all day. Darn snowplow came by twice.
Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy
playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store around
to see about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have another
shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the
city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.
December 22: - Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches
of the white stuff fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't melt till
August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and
then I had to ****. By the time I got undressed, pissed and dressed again, I
was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for
the rest of the winter; but he says he's too busy. I think he is lying.
December 23: - Only 2" of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted
me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she nuts!!! Why
didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I think
she's lying.
December 24: - 6". Snow packed so hard by snowplow, l broke the shovel.
Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the guy who drives that snowplow,
I'll drag him out and pound him flat! I know that he waits for me to finish shoveling
and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where
I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open
our presents, but I was too busy watching for the darn snowplow.
December 25: Merry Christmas! Bah Humbug! 20 more inches of the slop
tonight. Snowed in!! The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. Man I
hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I
hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I
think she's an idiot. If I have to watch "It's a Wonderful Life" one more
time, I'm going to kill her.
December 26: - Still snowed in. Why did I ever move here? It was
all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.
December 27: - Temperature dropped to -50 and the pipes froze, but at least
it is too cold to snow!!!!!!!!
December 28: - Warmed up to above -30, still can't snow any more though.
Still snowed, and the HAG is driving me crazy!!!
December 29: - 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it
could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he
think I am?
December 30: - Roof caved in. The snow plow driver is suing me for a million
dollars for the bump on his head. The wife went home to her mother. 9"
predicted.
December 31: - Set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.
January 8: - I feel so good. What are these little white pills they keep
giving me? Why am I tied to the bed?
December 8: 6:00 PM. - It started to snow. The first snow of the season and
the wife and I took our coffee and sat for hours by the window watching
the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses
Print. So romantic, we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!
December 9: - We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering
every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more
lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here was the best idea I've ever
had. Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did
both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along
and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so got to shovel
again. What a perfect life.
December 12: - The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a
disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have a
white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so
much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I
don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man, I'm glad he's our
neighbor.
December 14: - Snow lovely snow! 8" last night. The Temperature dropped
to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away,
but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life!
The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't
realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get
back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so much.
December 15: - 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer.
Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the
freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I
think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.
December 16: - Ice storm this morning. Fell on my *** on the ice in the
driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour,
which I think was very cruel.
December 17: - Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere.
Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm.
Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I
should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. I hate it when
she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.
December 20: - Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the darn stuff
last night. More shoveling. Took all day. Darn snowplow came by twice.
Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy
playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store around
to see about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have another
shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the
city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.
December 22: - Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches
of the white stuff fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't melt till
August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and
then I had to ****. By the time I got undressed, pissed and dressed again, I
was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for
the rest of the winter; but he says he's too busy. I think he is lying.
December 23: - Only 2" of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted
me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she nuts!!! Why
didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I think
she's lying.
December 24: - 6". Snow packed so hard by snowplow, l broke the shovel.
Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the guy who drives that snowplow,
I'll drag him out and pound him flat! I know that he waits for me to finish shoveling
and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where
I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open
our presents, but I was too busy watching for the darn snowplow.
December 25: Merry Christmas! Bah Humbug! 20 more inches of the slop
tonight. Snowed in!! The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. Man I
hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I
hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I
think she's an idiot. If I have to watch "It's a Wonderful Life" one more
time, I'm going to kill her.
December 26: - Still snowed in. Why did I ever move here? It was
all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.
December 27: - Temperature dropped to -50 and the pipes froze, but at least
it is too cold to snow!!!!!!!!
December 28: - Warmed up to above -30, still can't snow any more though.
Still snowed, and the HAG is driving me crazy!!!
December 29: - 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it
could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he
think I am?
December 30: - Roof caved in. The snow plow driver is suing me for a million
dollars for the bump on his head. The wife went home to her mother. 9"
predicted.
December 31: - Set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.
January 8: - I feel so good. What are these little white pills they keep
giving me? Why am I tied to the bed?
Thank you...I've got a copy of it somewhere around here..my uncle in California once told me he'd like to live in New England...I sent him that story...he changed his mind. I love fall, though it gets cold it can be so pretty..but winter and snow? NO THANK YOU...I've had enough of it. I have a snowthrower for cleaning the driveway that helps but it died on me at the beginning of last season and we didn't get it back until right before the end of the season...so $35/storm we put out for a guy to plow us.
And then there's summer...If we're lucky spring...if we're lucky, spring will arrive by mid-May with Summer in early July..and by labor day it starts cooling off again....
I keep asking myself why I moved from Arizona...
Jim
And then there's summer...If we're lucky spring...if we're lucky, spring will arrive by mid-May with Summer in early July..and by labor day it starts cooling off again....
I keep asking myself why I moved from Arizona...
Jim
I just read your post about the changing seasons...it sounds beautiful there. I couldn't help but think about this bit of humor another friend of mine sent me that also lives in the N.E. Anyway, it's long but i thought you might get a kick out of it.
=P
=P
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