Struggling with my resolve

[debsally]

She had me talked into getting back together and I want to believe she can make better choices, but every day she shows me the drugs are present and she is not going to stop taking too many at a time.  She uses the same excuses over and over and over, like a broken record.  She wants me to believe in her, but I can't.  She wants me to be patient, but my heart hurts so bad that I can hardly think of anything else.

I am struggling, feeling weak, feeling defeated.  I want out and cant get out until I can get a few paychecks from my new job under my belt.  I am suffering and in so much pain, and no amount of crying, begging, bit*hing, pleading, threatening, or anything else is going to make her stop abusing the soma.

I am so hurt, I cannot even explain how painful this is, to watch someone you love, kill themselves.

Thanks for listening.

Debbie

[worried878]

I hate it when love hurts like that...it is not supposed to hurt...thinking of u

[debsally]

Thanks for always being there.  You are right.  I don't know why it is so hard to face.  I don't understand why it is so hard for me to let go and completely accept the truth that she wont even accept.  I know in my head that it really is as simple as that, but my heart is hurting so much.  

Here we go with the wishes.....I wish things could be good and that she would participate in any kind of recovery.  I wish I could make her addiction go away and that her and all of you could be free of it.  I wish I hadn't fallen in love with her.  I wish I had given up long ago.  I wish it were easier to give up now.  I wish we could have the life together that I thought we were going to have.  I wish for so much that will never come through.

I will stick to my resolve no matter how hard.  I will get out because I truely believe nothing will change.

Good night everyone.

See you soon.

Love,

Debbie

[road2recovery]

i am so sorry...You have been struggling with this for so long..U know the answer...She can cry and plead...but the only thing she can really do is STOP using...And that is it..
again i am sorry
r2r