Aa
Time for some humor to lift up those who are down.
Lately there seems to be a low feeling in some of the posts. Hopefully a little humor may lift their spirits a little.
THE BROTHEL.
-----------------------
The madam opened the brothel door in Boston and saw a well dressed, dignified, goood looking man in his late forties or early fifties.
"May I help you sir," she asked.
"I want to see Valerie," the man replied
"Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies, perhaps you would prefer someone else," said the madam.
"No, I must see Valerie," he replied.
Just then Valerie appeared and announced to the man that she charged $5,000 a visit.
Without hesitation the man pulled out five thousand, gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs.
After an hour, the man calmly left.
The very next night, the man appeared again once more demanding to see Valerie...
Valerie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row as she was so expensive. There were no discounts.The price was still $5,000.
Again the man pulled out the money, gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs.
After an hour he left.
The following night, the man was there yet again. Everyone was astounded that he had come for a third consecutive night, but he paid Valerie and they went upstairs.
After their session, Valerie said to the man,"No one has ever been with me three nights in a row, where are you from?"
The man replied," Boston,"
"Really,"she said. "I have family in Boston.."
"I know," the man said "Your sister died, and I'm her lawyer. I was instructed to deliver your $15,000. inheritance in person."
The moral of the story is that there are three things in life are certain.
1. DEATH
2. TAXES
3. BEING SCREWED BY A LAWYER
THE BROTHEL.
-----------------------
The madam opened the brothel door in Boston and saw a well dressed, dignified, goood looking man in his late forties or early fifties.
"May I help you sir," she asked.
"I want to see Valerie," the man replied
"Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies, perhaps you would prefer someone else," said the madam.
"No, I must see Valerie," he replied.
Just then Valerie appeared and announced to the man that she charged $5,000 a visit.
Without hesitation the man pulled out five thousand, gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs.
After an hour, the man calmly left.
The very next night, the man appeared again once more demanding to see Valerie...
Valerie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row as she was so expensive. There were no discounts.The price was still $5,000.
Again the man pulled out the money, gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs.
After an hour he left.
The following night, the man was there yet again. Everyone was astounded that he had come for a third consecutive night, but he paid Valerie and they went upstairs.
After their session, Valerie said to the man,"No one has ever been with me three nights in a row, where are you from?"
The man replied," Boston,"
"Really,"she said. "I have family in Boston.."
"I know," the man said "Your sister died, and I'm her lawyer. I was instructed to deliver your $15,000. inheritance in person."
The moral of the story is that there are three things in life are certain.
1. DEATH
2. TAXES
3. BEING SCREWED BY A LAWYER
how much I needed to laugh....bring laughter into my life daily....try to o.d. on it.....
I'm not one usually given to depression, but it is trying to snag me...and this morning I was thinking gee I need to find ways to laugh...rent funny movies, hysterically funny ones.....just bring humour back inot my life...
I"m tapering off mscontin, slowly, but I know that laughter produces allkinds of good chemicals...feel good chemical....and I want a load of them..
Keep up the jokes....and kitty tries to steal family jewels....was hysterical....and it wasn't a joke....lol...poor you.... I was bent over once, had my shorts on and my girls srayed ktty with the hose, and she landed claws out onto my butt.....and she wouldn't let go....
Anyone know of good web.sites that specialize in humour, joke, comedians.....this is a project of mine...to find the funniest things going, and laugh an hour a day.....even smiling produces good chemicals....
ShoSho
I'm not one usually given to depression, but it is trying to snag me...and this morning I was thinking gee I need to find ways to laugh...rent funny movies, hysterically funny ones.....just bring humour back inot my life...
I"m tapering off mscontin, slowly, but I know that laughter produces allkinds of good chemicals...feel good chemical....and I want a load of them..
Keep up the jokes....and kitty tries to steal family jewels....was hysterical....and it wasn't a joke....lol...poor you.... I was bent over once, had my shorts on and my girls srayed ktty with the hose, and she landed claws out onto my butt.....and she wouldn't let go....
Anyone know of good web.sites that specialize in humour, joke, comedians.....this is a project of mine...to find the funniest things going, and laugh an hour a day.....even smiling produces good chemicals....
ShoSho
hahahahahahahah!!!
Peggy thank you, I'm cleaning the coffee on my laptop...........again!!!
Peggy thank you, I'm cleaning the coffee on my laptop...........again!!!
Yeah!! OMH I am laughing so hard I have tears. LOVE joke day!! Mangee You have some great ones and LOVE the cat one too! hahahahahahaha!!!!
Thanks to you both for the good laugh!
Terry
Thanks to you both for the good laugh!
Terry
Cat Lover or Not, this is Hysterical!
We've all had trouble with our animals, but I don't think anyone can top this one:
Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I'm lying.
On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because the truth was just too darned humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on the top of my head. The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty.
Initially, the new acquisition was no problem.
Then one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen.
'Honey! The garbage disposal is dead again. Please come reset it.'
'You know where the button is,' I protested through the shower pitter-patter?and steam. 'Reset it yourself!'
'But I'm scared!' she persisted. 'What if it starts going and ***** me in?'
There was a meaningful pause and then, 'C'mon, it'll only take you a second.'
So out I came, dripping wet and butt naked, hoping that my silent outraged nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her behavior as extremely cowardly.
Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my head under the sink to find the button. It is the last action I remember performing.
It struck without warning, and without any respect to my circumstances. No, it wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth. It was our new kitty, who discovered the fascinating dangling objects she spied hanging between my legs. She had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I reached under the sink. And, at the precise moment when I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws. I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements, blindly rising at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a kitten hanging from my masculine region.
Wild animals are sometimes faced with a 'fight or flight' syndrome. Men, in this predicament, choose only the 'flight' option. I know this from experience. I was fleeing straight up into the air when the sink and cabinet bluntly and forcefully impeded my ascent.
The impact knocked me out cold.
When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me.
Now there are not many things in this life worse than finding oneself lying on the kitchen floor butt naked in front of a group of 'been-there, done-that' paramedics.
Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics were all snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their work, all the while trying to suppress their hysterical laughter......and not succeeding.
Somehow I lived through it all. A few days later I finally made it back in to the office, where colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me about my head injury. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk about, which it was.
'What's the matter?' They all asked, 'Cat got your tongue?'
If they only knew
We've all had trouble with our animals, but I don't think anyone can top this one:
Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I'm lying.
On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because the truth was just too darned humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on the top of my head. The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty.
Initially, the new acquisition was no problem.
Then one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen.
'Honey! The garbage disposal is dead again. Please come reset it.'
'You know where the button is,' I protested through the shower pitter-patter?and steam. 'Reset it yourself!'
'But I'm scared!' she persisted. 'What if it starts going and ***** me in?'
There was a meaningful pause and then, 'C'mon, it'll only take you a second.'
So out I came, dripping wet and butt naked, hoping that my silent outraged nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her behavior as extremely cowardly.
Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my head under the sink to find the button. It is the last action I remember performing.
It struck without warning, and without any respect to my circumstances. No, it wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth. It was our new kitty, who discovered the fascinating dangling objects she spied hanging between my legs. She had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I reached under the sink. And, at the precise moment when I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws. I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements, blindly rising at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a kitten hanging from my masculine region.
Wild animals are sometimes faced with a 'fight or flight' syndrome. Men, in this predicament, choose only the 'flight' option. I know this from experience. I was fleeing straight up into the air when the sink and cabinet bluntly and forcefully impeded my ascent.
The impact knocked me out cold.
When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me.
Now there are not many things in this life worse than finding oneself lying on the kitchen floor butt naked in front of a group of 'been-there, done-that' paramedics.
Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics were all snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their work, all the while trying to suppress their hysterical laughter......and not succeeding.
Somehow I lived through it all. A few days later I finally made it back in to the office, where colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me about my head injury. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk about, which it was.
'What's the matter?' They all asked, 'Cat got your tongue?'
If they only knew
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