Hmmm.... Not going through withdrawals ever again!!!! Not basing my life on pills... Being clear headed enough to FEEL
I'm hearing ya on the no WD's deal. I never, ever want to deal with this again...fentanyl WD is a beast. I think any withdrawal is awful but I have heard that heroin, methadone, and fentanyl are some if the worst.
My fav part of being clean....I know I'm not gonna do anything stupid that will land me back in prison.
Good point ABN, if I don't kick this--that could be a possibility. I have so much respect for you. I know we haven't been close , but I want you to know that your story has inspired me. I don't think many could have rebounded back as you did.
Once was enough for me! I want to be a good example for my kids :)
YOU ROCK QUERIDO @ ABN
No more math!! No counting, dividing, multiplying, cutting in 1/2, checking the calendar...
Making up lies to get early refills. Dead grandma, sick mother--need to go out of state to take care of her, accidentally dropped some down the sink, stolen purse, my cat ate some, oh yeah, dead cat now........
Bottom line, no more stress every month!
Hang in there Phoenix!!
Feeling even the bad but def the good
I wôuld say having my whole heart back. That has uplifted my spirit, my mind, and even inspired me to care for the physical. I am philosophical by nature, that was gone, no passion for anything. With my heart back, I can feel a slow and steady progress that easily matches my slow and steady downfall on drugs. Hugs are better, friends are better, sex is better, everything is better with a full heart.
Ive been following your story and rooting for you. Fentanyl is up there in terms of...ugliness. I believe you will beat this though. Just keep on moving forward like you are.
Not waking up in the morning with a sense of DREAD....curled up in a ball, shaking, anxious, waiting, watching the clock wondering if 20 mg will do "the trick" this time?
My spirit is ALIVE again......music makes me cry drip down my cheek kinda tears....good ones...grateful ones that I made it out alive. I missed myself....my spirit was dead.......I giggle outloud...I notice the sky...the colors all around me....the sweetness and innocence of children.....the pain in other's hearts......my compassion is back!
I never want to forget the detox....the seratonin syndrome I put myself in by od'g on my AD, massive amounts of soma....30 hydros a day.....and it still wasn't enough.......precipitated w/drawals, jumping from 16 mg of subs not having ANY bloomin idea what I was doing....talking to people in my room that weren't there....hearing music that wasn't playing....sweating, shaking, and crying out for help......ALL those things....I NEVER have to ever go thru again....Praise God......and that's just "some" of the things I love about being clean today~
Waking up every morning and not having that "dreaded" feeling....do I have enough pills? counting, making up excuses for more, etc...and having the clarity to actually enjoy being alive and enjoy things around me I usually ignored....not feeling ashamed of what I was doing and what I had become...and most of all being able to enjoy my new twin grand baby girls and see them grow up!!
It's been 8 days....not much. :( but seeing my bank account in the positive coming into payday is AMAZING! !
not waking up feelin like death wondering what scandalas thing imma hafta do to get money/who imma rob or where imma steal, and the most important 1 not having to shove a needle in my arm to feel that rush of love thats really of rush of potential death
I'll roll with Clean and ABN's answers as they both fit me well, no more jail is a big one for me, no more putting my poor family through the misery of me being in denial about how effed up my life was. No more waking up with that sharp shock of dread, sitting there looking at yourself in the mirror thinking you "MUG" and still running out to score, ugh!
NO MORE DRUGS!!! NO MORE DEALERS!!! NO MORE CRIMINALITY!!!
I DITTO ALL THE ABOVE...
Having my Hub wake up and see me alive by his side and not Dead on the kitchen floor or else where..
Getting LIFE back, im currently going through PAWS being 55 days off, best part to feel, sex drive, relationships, emotions, strenght, being able to sleep naturaly,just LIFE having a future
I also am coming off 150mcg of Fentanyl and took off all patches on Jan 21st. After a taper below 100mcg I was sooo miserable and after the taper to 75 mcg I couldnt prolong the suffering any longer and went cold turkey. I really thought I might die from fast and pounding heart. I went to my GP because my blood pressure was high (197/112). It took 2 weeks to even make to the bathroom in time,so I know what your feeling. Once you feel a little clarity it will give you more strength.but the past few days I am feeling somewhat normal. I realized after being off my pain actually decreased!!??? Today I told my wife if I feel any better and euphoric I could accomplish anything. My ED is gone and have a clarity I havent had for the 8 yrs, on this drug. My marrige is now happy and know my responsibilities to protect and care for her and my grown children. This drug will decieve you and you wont even notice it except you dont enjoy the things you always loved to do and only look forward to sleep. The time invested WILL be more than worth it. Once you feel better even in the slightest it will give you so much strength to continue. My favorite parts are the clarity and freedome from worry about refills,patches falling off (which I liked to chew) and getting my life,thoughts,feelings and my marrige back. Good luck !!!
Thanks digger !! I pretty much don't like myself anymore and I look forward again to the day that I do...
Thank you for sharing your story. You have no idea how much I can relate...I hope you are doing ok...
This is one miserable journey!!
Thank you so much for sharing your stories! Everything you have said has lend me strength--something I desperately need right now. I am struggling but I will come out on top!!
I enjoyed reading this thread....because I'm really struggling right now and finding nothing positive about being sober at the current time. Thanks for posting this, and for everyone who replied to it.
God I honestly can't wait.
Me too Jenny. This thread has helped me a lot. I need it--and I refer back to it constantly when times are tough...thank you to everybody...