hi guys, i'm bk & yep 211 dayz ( give or take :( )

[natalile]

I thought i'd check in & let u all no how i'm doing, I'v been 211 days clean. But in that time i have used 3 times, SO YEP not 211 days clean, belive me though when i say i beat myself up 4 messin up. But who's of thought i'd of got all this way on my own, the fact that my fella is FINALLY on he same page as me is a big help lol.
But what the hell's up with me, i'm never happy, still addicted 2 methadone, that i no if i went into detox, or even reduced @ home i can be of to my that stuff.
It's the diazipam thats my major problem now, i'm not happy with what i get of the doc & im just never happy. I work like a workahoic, But due to my fellas menatl health issues i'v had to go from 40 - 60 hours work a week, Down 2 16 hours. I ***** about work, but i need it if only 4 me ??? I sumtimes think now that i'm not a herion addict has my mind set changed, i want a caree but i'm also droppin my hours coz i donn't spend enoght time with my 2 boyss, AGHHH. This is tearing me apart. I do feel like im carring  the family, but my fella is exellant with the house, the kids. I'm just 2 hard on him, I wonder when i'm @ work if hez secretly useing & that don't bother me should it !!! ??. U'd think that no i no i can kick & have kicked this addiction from hell id b happy,
What do u think it is peeps ??? my mind finally clearing from the fog of herion or my real feelings coming out. I no alot of people on here have suggested N/A & i'v always avoided it. but now i think i need some after care !!!!!! a very lonley, depressed woman with a house full of people :(
Peace nat xxx

[eagle101]

Its good to hear from you........are you still doing the pole dancing? If so, I admire your energy!  When I was using and felt like I was not spending enough time with my son I joined the Boy Scouts with him!!! I was a scout Leader for 14 years and some of lifes best memories yet are concerning my sons and mine involement with the Scouting program. It was quite fulfilling for me and there were several boys around that didnt have a father figure to work with - - so we provided one! Weekly meetings and monthly camp outs - a week or two every summer for Camp .......... It was a very positive trade off.................

[ImDONENoMore]

I'm pretty sure methadone and diazepam are a really bad mix.  If I understood your message - it sounds like you're taking both of these now?  If that's the case - PLEASE get the help you need - yes, you should feel proud of stopping the heroin but my fear is you've replaced that addiction with a new drug.

You kicked the heroin so you KNOW you can kick these too!  Good luck to you.