Well, its been a while since my last post. I started looking at this website about a month ago again nd I guess that was a sign post right there that something is not right.....again....or was it ever?
I am on permanent disability. Dont like it- I have 5 Dr's that say I should. Dyalysis on the way. I have become a hermit. Used to go to work in suits and now my hair ....well lets just say I look like Moses after the red sea was parted.....I get all the drugs I want...I still have my wife hold them because her and I both know I would have them swallowed in 1/4 of the time......She gives me my days dosage at once.....and thats really all I could expect of her-(actually that is too much as well) but it makes HER feel safer holding my meds so I let her.
I am looking back at previous posts and I have learned nothing more other than I like drugs so obviously I dont like my present state of mind for whatever reason. But I LOOVVEEE to get high. I DO have pain, but not enough to take what I do.
I dont know. I want to think that I do.
Right now I am counting the minutes when she will give me my days dosage.
But I can see how much worse life could be. I get to raise my son still, I live in a nice house that I bought and paid off before I was sick, we have a couple cars. My wife works part time.
Things could be so much worse.
But things could be better or else I wouldnt be typing here. I dont expect any responses. I am sure I have heard it alll before. I just trist this website and it makes me feel like I am hitting a meeting by just spilling my guts like this.
So thank you for reading.......and um .......my name is dave and I am an addict.