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539841 tn?1235394722

not a question.more like a voyureistic journal

Well, its  been a while since my last post. I started looking at this website about a month ago again nd I guess that was a sign post right there that something is not right.....again....or was it ever?
I am on permanent disability. Dont like it- I have 5 Dr's that say I should. Dyalysis on the way. I have become a hermit. Used to go to work in suits and now my hair ....well lets just say I look like Moses after the red sea was parted.....I get all the drugs I want...I still have my wife hold them because her and I both know I would have them swallowed in 1/4 of the time......She gives me my days dosage at once.....and thats really all I could expect of her-(actually that is too much as well) but it makes HER feel safer holding my meds so I let her.
I am looking back at previous posts and I have learned nothing more other than I like drugs so obviously I dont like my present state of mind for whatever reason. But I LOOVVEEE to get high. I DO have pain, but not enough to take what I do.
Not really.
I dont know. I want to think that I do.
Right now I am counting the minutes when she will give me my days dosage.

pathetic huh?
But I can see how much worse life could be. I get to raise my son still, I live in a nice house that I bought and paid off before I was sick, we have a couple cars. My wife works part time.
Things could be so much worse.
But things could be better or else I wouldnt be typing here. I dont expect any responses. I am sure I have heard it alll before. I just trist this website and it makes me feel like I am hitting a meeting by just spilling my guts like this.
So thank you for reading.......and um .......my name is dave and I am an addict.
3 Responses
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Avatar universal
Hi Dave, I know you did not expect any responses but I was passing by and saw your post. I just wanted to let you know that I have no answers for you, your situation is tragic. But what I can offer you is an ear and a shoulder and keep you in my prayers. It was very nice to meet you Dave and I hope we speak again. I think you are a very courageous man with a clear view of what is happening to you. Gentle hugs!
Helpful - 0
539841 tn?1235394722
Thank you Teko, and I certainly not shunning comments.

I would like to talk again. It makes me feel a lot better when I do.
Have a beautiful day
Dave
Helpful - 0
675718 tn?1530033033
drifter here i feel the same way sometimes about meds- i am an alcoholic/addict-drifter0213
Helpful - 0
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