Aa
Aa
A
A
A
Close
539841 tn?1235394722

not a question.more like a voyureistic journal

Well, its  been a while since my last post. I started looking at this website about a month ago again nd I guess that was a sign post right there that something is not right.....again....or was it ever?
I am on permanent disability. Dont like it- I have 5 Dr's that say I should. Dyalysis on the way. I have become a hermit. Used to go to work in suits and now my hair ....well lets just say I look like Moses after the red sea was parted.....I get all the drugs I want...I still have my wife hold them because her and I both know I would have them swallowed in 1/4 of the time......She gives me my days dosage at once.....and thats really all I could expect of her-(actually that is too much as well) but it makes HER feel safer holding my meds so I let her.
I am looking back at previous posts and I have learned nothing more other than I like drugs so obviously I dont like my present state of mind for whatever reason. But I LOOVVEEE to get high. I DO have pain, but not enough to take what I do.
Not really.
I dont know. I want to think that I do.
Right now I am counting the minutes when she will give me my days dosage.

pathetic huh?
But I can see how much worse life could be. I get to raise my son still, I live in a nice house that I bought and paid off before I was sick, we have a couple cars. My wife works part time.
Things could be so much worse.
But things could be better or else I wouldnt be typing here. I dont expect any responses. I am sure I have heard it alll before. I just trist this website and it makes me feel like I am hitting a meeting by just spilling my guts like this.
So thank you for reading.......and um .......my name is dave and I am an addict.
3 Responses
Sort by: Helpful Oldest Newest
Avatar universal
Hi Dave, I know you did not expect any responses but I was passing by and saw your post. I just wanted to let you know that I have no answers for you, your situation is tragic. But what I can offer you is an ear and a shoulder and keep you in my prayers. It was very nice to meet you Dave and I hope we speak again. I think you are a very courageous man with a clear view of what is happening to you. Gentle hugs!
Helpful - 0
539841 tn?1235394722
Thank you Teko, and I certainly not shunning comments.

I would like to talk again. It makes me feel a lot better when I do.
Have a beautiful day
Dave
Helpful - 0
675718 tn?1530033033
drifter here i feel the same way sometimes about meds- i am an alcoholic/addict-drifter0213
Helpful - 0
Have an Answer?

You are reading content posted in the Addiction: Social Community

Top Addiction Answerers
495284 tn?1333894042
City of Dominatrix, MN
3060903 tn?1398565123
Other
Learn About Top Answerers
Didn't find the answer you were looking for?
Ask a question
Popular Resources
Is treating glaucoma with marijuana all hype, or can hemp actually help?
If you think marijuana has no ill effects on your health, this article from Missouri Medicine may make you think again.
Julia Aharonov, DO, reveals the quickest way to beat drug withdrawal.
Tricks to help you quit for good.
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.