wife left/worried

[finsfan4ever]

Not sure its a question but here goes....
I came to this web site three years ago with a terrible hydrocodone addiction, and after 12 long days of withdrawls, and working hard at it, I am 3 years clean. I have been happily married for twenty years (last month), and I did say happily!
I came home from work yesterday, and she was gone. All of her stuff and about $90,000 from our savings account.
I am devistated. We never argued, fought, nothing. We had made love the night before, and discussed vacation plans in the hot tub that morning. Now shes gone! Turned off her phone and just gone.....
I am concerned about my sobriety. Went to a meeting this morning, and I think it helped.
I'm not sure if I just want to know "why", or if something else is going on....
Everyone here has always had my back, and I credit them every day for saving my life 3 years ago.....
Please help me..................

[nursegirl6572]

Dear man, you're on "auto pilot", and that's okay!!!  You're just "existing" for now, which is to be expected.  That will get better.  It's probably a huge blessing that you're a pretty busy guy with not a ton of idle time.  Looking for a new therapist is a great idea too.....that WILL help you, believe me!

The ground hog day comparison is very on point!  It kind of gave me a little chuckle, and that's not because any of this is funny, it sure isn't.

Let us know what you find out from the lawyers and YES, definitely keep posting!  We're all invested now, Fin!  SORRY, but you're STUCK with us!

XOXO

[finsfan4ever]

Back home again. Whatever "home" is...
I have a few days before traveling again.
Not sure what to do. Meeting with lawyers today, so theres that...
Trying to find a new therapist, really need someone to talk to.
Still not sleeping, but have passed out from exhaustion...does that count?
It feels like I'm living "ground hog day"....
I am okay during the day, but have I mentioned the nights suck? lol
not sure why I keep posting, but it feels right anyway....
                                                                      ME

[ricart70]

Man I feel so sorry for you dude. Hang in there ok. Just try to take it a day at a time. I know these feelings and I know they can wear on you and wear you down to the point where it really doesn't seem to matter if we do something bad to ourselves or not. Just please don't do anything to make it worse. Just keep going and you will feel better one day. I promise you that. I have been reading this from the beginning but for some reason have withheld comment. I think about you often and hope you are ok though. Just keep going buddy. I know it suks  

[finsfan4ever]

At work, traveling again today.
Ive had zero sleep for days...not sure how much longer I can go on like this.
Any ideas on how I can get some sleep?
My baby has gone back to school... I'm missing her so much!
It'll be at least a month before I see her again...
Thirty five days since this all began... can you believe I still look out the window when I hear a car go by thinking it's her coming back?
Pretty pathetic huh? I hurt so deep...how does this get better?
I want to go to her, beg her to come back... in my mind I know it won't happen, but my heart refuses to accept it.
How do I stop Loving her?
Just want it to stop...
Sorry, I sound like a broken record... I'm a broken man

[nursegirl6572]

Sending you love and strength.

You're on an emotional roller coaster with a lot of ups and downs.  I'm glad you're posting in those moments, when you need to vent, spew, verbally vomit...whatever!!!  You need to do those things.  

I know it seems impossible, but it won't always feel this bad.  I promise.  XOXO

[finsfan4ever]

I hate the night... its endless...
its heartless, its cruel...
It drags out all your memories and punches you in the gut...
It has no conscience, it has no sympathy...
It revels in your pain, it mocks you...
It reminds you how alone you really are...
It used to be the most special time of day.
I use to wrap my arms around her, and spoon her. I would tell her how every problem in the world would disappear
at that moment. I would actually draw strength from her and it felt like I had been recharged...
We would lie like that till we fell asleep, talking about our day, our hopes and our fears.
So big and tough...I would tell ALL MY FEARS... I thought she told me hers.
I'll never know comfort in her arms again.  Exactly what's the point now?
Keep going, one step, wont remember in a year, everything happens for a reason, you should be angry, its for the best, its not your fault, fake it till, you'll find love again, blah, blah, blah, blah...........
REALLY???
ITS ALL BULL****
I hate the night...
I FUC**** HATE THE NIGHT
I HATE ME TOO