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Avatar universal

wife left/worried

Not sure its a question but here goes....
I came to this web site three years ago with a terrible hydrocodone addiction, and after 12 long days of withdrawls, and working hard at it, I am 3 years clean. I have been happily married for twenty years (last month), and I did say happily!
I came home from work yesterday, and she was gone. All of her stuff and about $90,000 from our savings account.
I am devistated. We never argued, fought, nothing. We had made love the night before, and discussed vacation plans in the hot tub that morning. Now shes gone! Turned off her phone and just gone.....
I am concerned about my sobriety. Went to a meeting this morning, and I think it helped.
I'm not sure if I just want to know "why", or if something else is going on....
Everyone here has always had my back, and I credit them every day for saving my life 3 years ago.....
Please help me..................
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Avatar universal
Hey all,
thanks for all the posts and concern.
Look, I get what you are saying about counseling, relationships and the alcohol.
I am kinda unique. I can't explain everything. Counseling/meetings three times a week, or even once a week won't work for me. Right now I am on a plane for Moscow.
I'll be there a few days and then home for a day or two. THEN, off to some other God-forsaken place. I don't live a "normal" life.
As for my "date", I have no intention of starting a relationship. I was very up front about what was happening in my life, and she understood completely.
I AM LONELY THOUGH! Everything I do is alone. Isolation is what is required of me 99% of the time. If I have an opportunity to spend the evening with a beautiful, interesting woman, I"m going to.
LOL, No, I'm no James Bond Lulu, but I DO enjoy the company of women. I have always gotten along better with females.
I am just trying to explain my actions, not trying to be a jerk, or act like I know better than everyone else. I do get it.....
Jinx, I am not really concerned about a PI following me, because I am doing nothing wrong, and my attorney is aware. If she is banking on me relapsing, she's in for a long wait!
I am just putting one foot in front of the other, sometimes really tiny steps....
I'm not sure really what else I can do....
I LOVE YOU ALL!
                                                  Me
Helpful - 0
8976007 tn?1413330650
keep posting so we know you are doing okay.  there is no handbook on how to handle this sort of betrayal, but i do agree with everyone else who warns about getting into a relationship at this stage.  just like women have to worry about a man taking advantage of her during a vulnerable stage, you have to worry about the same.  have fun, just be careful.  besides you never know if a PI is following you 24/7.  wouldn't be surprised if there was because she has got to find something to base her horrible actions on besides the excuse she gave your daughter.  she is banking on you relapsing and it is so great that you have not done that.  hang in there, you have TONS of support
Helpful - 0
1926359 tn?1331588139
Ps.  Okay I get you're not Batman.
You're James Bond right?

I KNEW IT!!!!
xoxoxoxxo
Helpful - 0
1926359 tn?1331588139
Hey Fin-

I'm with Nursegirl on all of the above.  You have to be VERY careful right now...I think you're still in shock and this is why stepping up the support is VERY important.  I'm glad you aren't isolating but hey, what's happening with the counselling thing?
I don't want to lecture you or anything but as I mentioned, I'm bossy, and you NEED to do some counselling.  I know the whole disconnect thing all to well and it is a warning sign.  Please get your buns to counselling or a meeting before you do find yourself drowning your sorrows in a bottle or in the arms of a hot blonde (or brunette, or red head)  I can tell from my intuition about you that neither of these things will make you feel better and will actually be very detrimental.  You need to take care of your fragile emotional state and work through your grief stages in a healthy way.
It ain't easy dude and I feel for you.  Heartbreak is the worst.
I promise you will find YOU again.  But you gotta start looking in the right places.
I pinky swore promised and I meant it.
Time and patience my friend, time and patience.
And counselling.
And meetings.
Okay- Lu Lecture over.
Sending love and hugs from Canada
Lu
Helpful - 0
480448 tn?1426948538
It's not nonsense!  It's good for you to talk this stuff through!

I'm glad you're out socializing, but you've got me worried, for a few reasons.  One, the alcohol.  You may absolutely be okay drinking one or two, but it's risky.  Two, enjoying the company of a beautiful woman is awesome, just be sure to keep things causal for now.  The last thing you want to do is to get involved with someone during this time of turmoil.  It wouldn't be fair to you or to the woman.  It's easy to want to comfort yourself in the arms of someone else, but you have a lot to work through emotionally, you know?

It sounds like you're being cautious in that regard, which is great...I just wanted to mention my concerns.  I had such a strong urge last night about you, it was odd.  

We're here for you sweetie.  Hang in there!!!  XOXO
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Thanks you guys for keeping tabs on me. I am about the same.
I stay busy, but its so surreal. It doesnt feel real. It feels like everything I do is acting. That its not me doing it, or saying it. I go out and see friends and half way thru a conversation I wonder what the hell I'm talking about. I HATE just "going thru the motions". Make it stop already............
Nursegirl, well you were kinda right, I was in a few bars last night. I took a "date" down to Clematis at Night. Kinda like a tamer Bourbon Street. Great clubs and restaurants, bands, piano bars, comedy clubs..blah,blah,blah..
Just people watching is great. Its very trendy, kinda hipster nerd kinda thing.
We ate and watched a few bands, there was my lame attempt at dancing,
STOP LAUGHING!
The street is long and goes right up to the inter-coastal waterway so we walked and talked, and laughed at the attire choices of the trendy..
I had just met her at a conference I was at, and she was beautiful, and engaging, and enjoying my company....and I wanted to be ANYWHERE else but THERE. She even wanted to come home with me, and I told her I had a flight in the morning and couldn't...
I feel like an empty egg shell. I'm so hollow.
Lulu, its hard for me to see a future. I seem to have a "don't give a damn" attitude at work, where I used to be very careful and think about my wife and daughter before I tried something stupid.... THIS does have me worried.
I had 2 cocktails last night, over about seven hours. I have always had the occasional cocktail when out with friends. And it hasn't escalated. I dont enjoy drinking that much, and couldn't "drown my sorrows" in a bottle if I wanted to.
I have NO IDEA where I'm going with this post....
I almost deleted it....sorry for the nonsense....
Helpful - 0
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