Aa
1 week clean and the praises go out to y'all!!
I started this forum just 5 days ago-2 days CT from Vicodin. I thought I was going crazy and I just couldn't do it on my own anymore. I was way too close at opening that bottle and starting all over. There was nothing more that I wanted was those last 15 pills. After all we had been such close friends for 7 years!!! I got on here asked one question CT or taper. I received so much warmth and genuineness in a matter of min to hours. People I had never met took time out of their busy day to talk to little ole me!! I felt empowered for the first time over these dam$ pills!! The majority told me to continue CT since I was on day 2. Then someone told me to flush those suckers and I did within minutes-don't know why just did. I literally cried watching them go down the toilet. I couldn't believe what I just had done. Man I worked so hard to make them last. Day 3 was horrible with the anxiety, agitation and depression and the restless legs. thought I was gonna lose my mind. Then came day 4 back to work.- more anxiety and anger. I was angry at Kyle for telling me to flush NOW. I was like why did I listen to that man I didn't even know?! Day 5 was a lot better, still anxious but I took an Ativan. (prescribed and have never abused). Not my drug of choice at all but it helped. I was able to smile at my patients and wasn't sweating anymore-YEAH! Day 6 was pretty much a breeze-no physical symptoms just the anxiety but not even depression anymore. And today is no longer day something it's a week- do you here me a week!!! I feel great, slept better last night and had s great day. So if you are in question as to what to do just do it-get rid of that crap in your life. CT or taper doesn't matter. My praises go to God first and then to these amazing,strong, warm, caring people!! I also know now that along with being a daughter, a mother, a nurse and a wife I am an addict. Man that hurts but that's what I am. Gotta give another shout out to Kyle-he was my biggest supporter-somehow he was just there day and night when I needed it tbe most And Kyle I forgive you for telling me to flush my precious pills HAHA!!! ;-)
Best Answer
Your feelings are normal anxiety,depression and the cravings is the hard part. But you mentioned you are being honest you keep going back to thinking about the refill . If you take the step and eliminate the refill make that call and cancel it red flag yourself you can move one because its not an issue anymore. Its Gone!
You also said the Hydros are the only thing that makes you feel good about yourself. Why have you chosen to quit taking them? For me the counting worrying if I was going to have enough always counting anxiety waking up feeling like Crap its a horrible way to live but I did it for years? And I also thought I cant do this I cant be w/o my pills I will just die. But I didnt I actually feel better now than I have on any day taking those pills . And thats the truth!!! Because with taking them I would have guilt anxiety worrying all the time Like I had this big weight on my shoulders. But Once I stopped and started taking steps to getting my life back I never regretted it never. I still have times where I have a flash of anxiety I crave a pill but I also have so many great moments Time with my kids time with myself my family.
I took my life back and you can also get back your life.
You have gone through the Physical part now its all mental and we have a hard time escaping our brain our thoughts . But You can do this. It will get better the mental part just like you saw with the physical it got better.
You also said the Hydros are the only thing that makes you feel good about yourself. Why have you chosen to quit taking them? For me the counting worrying if I was going to have enough always counting anxiety waking up feeling like Crap its a horrible way to live but I did it for years? And I also thought I cant do this I cant be w/o my pills I will just die. But I didnt I actually feel better now than I have on any day taking those pills . And thats the truth!!! Because with taking them I would have guilt anxiety worrying all the time Like I had this big weight on my shoulders. But Once I stopped and started taking steps to getting my life back I never regretted it never. I still have times where I have a flash of anxiety I crave a pill but I also have so many great moments Time with my kids time with myself my family.
I took my life back and you can also get back your life.
You have gone through the Physical part now its all mental and we have a hard time escaping our brain our thoughts . But You can do this. It will get better the mental part just like you saw with the physical it got better.
I know exactly where your at and what your feeling. I have done all of those things. This addiction gets in your head like nothing I have ever experienced. I have tapered, relapsed, tapered, then cold turkey. I found a PAA (pills anonomyous) meeting in my town and it helps. Good luck in your journey...
Thanks so much!! I know you are right as is everyone out there telling me that. It's just hard my self-esteem has always been crap and now I have to tell everyone what a frickin loser I am. Plus the hydro is the only thing that made me feel good about myself (at first obviously!). I know what I need to do I just gotta get the umph to do it. I am crying so frickin hard thinking about never feeling that feeling again. I know it's all so frickin stupid. I have been trying to just stay off of this site for a few days and deal with this **** on my own but then I find myself right back here. I am sounding like z broken record about this damn refill.
Hi Nursey,
The cravings, at least the severe one are most likely not going to go away for awhile. That is why, to protect yourself, you must cut all sources. To not do that is to relapse in my opinion. I might, with where I am at, question getting a refill, but I know that someday would come where I would fill it and use. It's because I am a addict, my DOC the hydro. I had a long love affair with them also, so I get your pain. Your chance, best chance to help win over these things is call your doc, phara, dentist and red flag yourself as an addict. Hardest thing that I ever did, along with telling my family. But I have cut all sources, and I cannot tell you the confidence that gives me and piece of mind at this stage. Because I know I have protected myself to a large extent. It is worth it, I promise.
Bryan
The cravings, at least the severe one are most likely not going to go away for awhile. That is why, to protect yourself, you must cut all sources. To not do that is to relapse in my opinion. I might, with where I am at, question getting a refill, but I know that someday would come where I would fill it and use. It's because I am a addict, my DOC the hydro. I had a long love affair with them also, so I get your pain. Your chance, best chance to help win over these things is call your doc, phara, dentist and red flag yourself as an addict. Hardest thing that I ever did, along with telling my family. But I have cut all sources, and I cannot tell you the confidence that gives me and piece of mind at this stage. Because I know I have protected myself to a large extent. It is worth it, I promise.
Bryan
Thanks for caring and yeah I think there is a connection here. I am happy you found a counselor. Hopefully you will like her. I am very sorry to hear about the loss of your mom. I can't even begin to imagine going through these withdrawals after losing her. You must be one very strong woman. Keep on going and do this thing!!!
I think it is awesome that you are being so honest. I had mentioned in a previous post that I'd be lying if I said that when I was out to dinner last night with my husband I didn't think about pills like 20 times thru the dinner! Again, feeling so strong but so fragile. I loved your last post about feeling so great on day 7...it gave me so much motivation!
I was thinking about you today (I dunno- maybe I feel connected bc we both mentioned having to help 'patients?) and I was wondering if you had cancelled that script yet?!
Think back to day 3 and 4. Do you really wanna feel that again? Bc you will have to if you keep filling your scripts. I dunno...I'm not trying to preach I'm in the same boat as you..as I'm typing I'm giving myself the same pep talk. I hope you chose the right thing...again at least you're posting and being honest ;)
I was thinking about you today (I dunno- maybe I feel connected bc we both mentioned having to help 'patients?) and I was wondering if you had cancelled that script yet?!
Think back to day 3 and 4. Do you really wanna feel that again? Bc you will have to if you keep filling your scripts. I dunno...I'm not trying to preach I'm in the same boat as you..as I'm typing I'm giving myself the same pep talk. I hope you chose the right thing...again at least you're posting and being honest ;)
Thanks for that website it looks great and I will probably check out a meeting this weekend. I never really answered you last night about that refill. You are absolutely right I have done nothing but think about that refill. I feel paralyzed every time I think about letting them know not to give it to me. I know the pharmacist,Deanna for probably at least 10 years now. I will be totally honest about how my day went today. Constant cravings for Hydrocodone ALL day. I picked up the phone a couple times to call and see when it would be ready for a refill but never did. I went through the bathroom trash looking for the bottle to see if I could find the refill number and date. It wasn't there so I kept digging looking for the labels I ripped off the night Kyle told me flush them. I couldn't find those either. So I thought about calling and telling them I couldn't find my bottle because I haven't used them in so long and just wanted to know when the next refill would be. I was gonna say I haven't been in pain so I just lost track. I was gonna tell them I just started hurting recently and was going on vacation and wanted to know if they could get filled early. This is what my day consisted off-pretty sad huh? Yeah I would say this mental crap is harder and it ***** so bad!! This depression, anxiety and cravings are killing me!!!! Sorry I don't have that positive little attitude I have been trying so hard to keep but this is as honest and real as it gets. I didn't even consider myself an addict until a few days ago because I never went to multiple doctors, pharmacies or ever got them illegally. I even questioned it today.
Hi and Good morning Keep yourself busy maybe get out and enjoy the day.
Dont sit and let your brain start talking to you.
Even take a walk exercise get those endorphins moving. Mental part of detox is hard just push through it just like you did with Physical Detox.
Dont sit and let your brain start talking to you.
Even take a walk exercise get those endorphins moving. Mental part of detox is hard just push through it just like you did with Physical Detox.
Great birthday dinner with daughter last night!! However, I don't much care for the depression I am feeling today. Maybe it's because I am at home alone and my mind isn't occupied with work. I don't know just very tearful, hopefully it will subside shortly
You have to take the steps to stay clean Or you will have a harder time staying clean. I Tried NA meeting and it wasnt for me but there are many choices for aftercare I found a counseling group with four people and an addiction counselor and wow its so great They keep me strong and support me and I do the same for them. Its a very intense relationship we have formed In a good way! These ladies are going through the same stuff I am And we help each other .
You also MUST cancel that refill I can just hear it in your post you are thinking about refilling it! You have to cut the Pill source remember you said Kyle told you to flush those pills and now you are thanking him You will be thanking me now for telling you YOU MUST CANCEL the refill. Thats #1 priority If you dont have chance to get pills you will be less likely to relapse You can red flag yourself with pharmacy . In a week or so you will be thinking I can get refill and just take when I need But U Cant You know one is never enough.
Please cancel refill !
Set Up aftercare try different programs there are many available.
You also MUST cancel that refill I can just hear it in your post you are thinking about refilling it! You have to cut the Pill source remember you said Kyle told you to flush those pills and now you are thanking him You will be thanking me now for telling you YOU MUST CANCEL the refill. Thats #1 priority If you dont have chance to get pills you will be less likely to relapse You can red flag yourself with pharmacy . In a week or so you will be thinking I can get refill and just take when I need But U Cant You know one is never enough.
Please cancel refill !
Set Up aftercare try different programs there are many available.
Thanks! I know I havent taken some major steps yet-I know I will be up for a refill soon and I haven't done anything about it yet. I don't know where to begin and I am still scared as hell not to have them in my life. I know very screwed up thinking!! I really wanna find a meeting more than individual counseling. I feel I learn more from people who have been there and have felt the pain. I guess I need to get my butt in gear and get this other stuff in place. Thanks for your kindness along the way and I pray you continue on the right path :-)
Congrats to you so proud of you!:):):)
Kyle also told me to Flush my pills and man was I thinking same as you why did I listen to this guy Well we both did and I tell you what he will always Steer you in right directions ;-)
I was mad at myself for doing it on the hardest day of my detox But had i not listened I would of most likely given in because it was so intense but you pushed through it and you have done it!
One thing I am almost certain he has told you is to get rid of pill source because the lil demons pills will whisper in your ear just take one you have done so well you deserve it Dont have a pill source then you have no way to give in ever keep that guard up and aftercare I go to counseling 2-3 times a week and It helps me stay clean.
Another wise soul gave me valuable advice on here getting clean believe it or not is easy part staying clean is the real work!
You can do this one day at a time and look at you now a week later ! I am so happy for you!You have taken your Life back! The possibilities are amazing! CONGRATULATIONS :)
Kyle also told me to Flush my pills and man was I thinking same as you why did I listen to this guy Well we both did and I tell you what he will always Steer you in right directions ;-)
I was mad at myself for doing it on the hardest day of my detox But had i not listened I would of most likely given in because it was so intense but you pushed through it and you have done it!
One thing I am almost certain he has told you is to get rid of pill source because the lil demons pills will whisper in your ear just take one you have done so well you deserve it Dont have a pill source then you have no way to give in ever keep that guard up and aftercare I go to counseling 2-3 times a week and It helps me stay clean.
Another wise soul gave me valuable advice on here getting clean believe it or not is easy part staying clean is the real work!
You can do this one day at a time and look at you now a week later ! I am so happy for you!You have taken your Life back! The possibilities are amazing! CONGRATULATIONS :)
That's amazing to hear!!! My biggest fear is not remembering this past week and how horrible it was. I will read this stuff over and over if I ever get tempted. Thanks and I wish you all the courage to continue on your journey!! So you got a week tomorrow-you are gonna wake up feeling great!! :-)
nursey7 If I could copy and paste this comment to explain my own story I would - I am one day behind you and it is crazy how what you've explained (symptom wise) matches my recent journey. It's weird - I feel so fragile but yet so strong at the same time. I too have patients to treat and am so happy that I'm not dripping with sweat or angry at everyone anymore! Your story was inspiring...thanks!
I knew you could do it. This is one of the best "I told you so" moments ever.
Granted, you got a lot of help here, but always remember that you did it - no one else - you stayed strong, stayed focused, and stayed away from the pills.
Looking forward to week two. Many congratulations.
Granted, you got a lot of help here, but always remember that you did it - no one else - you stayed strong, stayed focused, and stayed away from the pills.
Looking forward to week two. Many congratulations.
WAY TO GO!!! It wasn't long ago that I was in your shoes, but its day 67 today and I am never going back. I found so much support on MH and I come here now to pay it forward to the still sick and suffering. I know how hard it was to flush those little buggers. I, too, had to flush my supply (actually I gave to my mom because I couldn't do it) and as silly as it sounds I cried too. You have gotten through the hardest part of the withdrawal. As for the anxiety, you may want to try taking Valerian Root instead of Ativan. I know you said you never abused them, but they have the potential to becoming a real problem. If you take them for consecutive days, you can't stop CT like pain meds. I watched my GF have 3 seizures in the month of June from coming off Ativan to quickly. Keep posting! We are all there for you whenever you need the support or have questions :o)
You go girl!!! Way to have a positive attitude!!!!
I HEAR YOU SO LOUD AND CLEAR!!
Be proud of yourself!!!! Been there~~!!
VERY PROUD! KEEP GOING!!!
I HEAR YOU SO LOUD AND CLEAR!!
Be proud of yourself!!!! Been there~~!!
VERY PROUD! KEEP GOING!!!
Have an Answer?
You are reading content posted in the Addiction: Substance Abuse Community
Is treating glaucoma with marijuana all hype, or can hemp actually help?
If you think marijuana has no ill effects on your health, this article from Missouri Medicine may make you think again.
Julia Aharonov, DO, reveals the quickest way to beat drug withdrawal.
Tricks to help you quit for good.
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
