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10 months off oxy!

Hey everyone. Haven't posted I a few weeks but still here!  It's going to be 10 month this week since I have refused to put a chemical in my body. I am still feeling the aftershocks almost daily but they are starting to get less. I still get sad a lot and stress seems to overwhelm me a lot. Some days ( like one of my AA friends says) I am battered and bruised but I made it through another day!  The one thing I would like some advise on is this. Can anyone tell me that this will eventually be gone from my life. That my self doubt and fear will eventually go away?  I feel like my life will never be "happy" again. That the best I can hope for is ok. My sponsor would say ok is not so bad. But that's not what I mean. I just want to be well again. Not looking over my shoulder waiting for the next addiction caused panic attack. Does anyone know what I'm saying?  Can anyone with some time give me some hope or advise?   Thanks. Bob
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317787 tn?1473358451
Bob, everyone has given you great advice.
A lot of this is mental at this point.
Have you heard of the Thomas Recipe?

It helps to replace nutrients that were lost during the addiction.

Did you feel good before you started the Oxy? Just curious.  They say that many people get in to drugs much like people begin to drink. To help with anxiety or depression, etc.

Just a thought to replace nutrients that were depleted.  You can click on the magnifying glass icon above for the recipe, You can also search for people having a hard time going through withdrawal.

Antidepresseants could help you with anxiety.  My cousin was feeling anxious, it was affecting his job.  He started on a low dose of Prozac, it helped him within a week though most don't get relief from it for 4 to 6 weeks.

Vicourageou read a book called Healing the Broken Brain, that might help you.

Take Care, Dee
Helpful - 0
1742220 tn?1331356727
congrats Bob!  that is a tremendous accomplishment.  i have to say i felt a lot like you did when i had a year clean, but then i went on anti depressants (though i really didn't want to) and i was astonished  ... at how well they worked!  i also go to therapy and NA / AA.

you WILL feel better!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Great job!!!!!!!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
The longer you go the easier it will get Bob.  The more sober time you have the less frequently the using thoughts will come.  I think one thing you need to think about is the fact that being sober doesn't mean you're in happy land.  Life wasn't perfect before you began using and it ain't gonna be perfect now.  The addiction makes us harken back to this wonderful happy time when we were high and life was wonderful even though that time never existed.  You just can't let your mind drift down that path.  It ain't real and it never was.  When you think about using try to think about how fricking disappointed in your self you'll be the next day.  
Helpful - 0
1 Comments
Thanks Danny. That makes a lot of sense.  Like Sarah said time a patience.  I really hate feeling so self doubting all the time.  I just want to be able to trust myself and feel better.  
Avatar universal
Hi Bob! Have you talked to your doctor about an anti-depressant? I was feeling this way BEFORE I got off my Norco's. He gave me Zoloft, which works wonders. It made me a little anxious in the beginning for a couple days, but it really really helped me!! I have a panic disorder, and that makes everything so much worse, but I have also gone to meditation groups, and yoga helps alot, it helps to relax you and teaches breathing, and it also gives you exercise which will cause your body to make endorphins, and endorphins make you happy. When I came clean, it took the many wonderful people on here to let me know that I needed aftercare, I have a wonderful aftercare group, but the one thing that I look forward to every week that lifts my spirit and my well being is CHURCH!! I cried the first time I went, as I felt much like you, but it honestly and truly helped me. I'm not sure what your religion is, but just attend a church of your choice and be one with God for that hour, and you should feel better. I hope this helps you, and that you can find the strength within yourself to get out of this "funk" that you are in. A positive positive mindset also help alot, and I owe that one to my counselor. I really hope that you feel better soon, please try one or all of the things that are suggested to you. I promise you will find one or more things that will get you feeling good!! I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I am very glad that you are 10 months clean...congrats! That should be the start of what makes you feel happy :)
Helpful - 0
1 Comments
So glad to hear you doing so well. I need to change things up so excersize and some more pray I'm sure won't hurt. Thanks
495284 tn?1333894042
COMMUNITY LEADER
You havent ruined your life.  I know it feels that way as we expect to feel better alot sooner than this but it doesnt always happen that way.  I wasnt near where i wanted to be at 10 months either but i kept moving forward.  How long has your sponsor been clean?  How are you doing the steps?  Is it like homework?
Helpful - 0
1 Comments
My sponsor has 30 years. He is a great man and has saved my life more than once we are on step 8 right now when I am busy I am ok ( as long as I'm not too busy) cuz that's when I start getting overwhelmed and then the anxiety comes.  So happy to hear you weren't "all better" at 10 months.  I will keep moving forward
495284 tn?1333894042
COMMUNITY LEADER
What are you doing for recovery care?
Helpful - 0
1 Comments
Meetings.  talking with friends    doing the steps with my sponsor.   I feel like I have ruined my life
495284 tn?1333894042
COMMUNITY LEADER
The 2 most hated words on this forum is time and patience.  We didnt get this way over night and we dont get all better over night.  Recovery is a process.  We abused our bodies so bad and it takes everything time to heal.  Our organs are trying to heal and learn to function again without the drugs and so is our brain.  Why are you looking over your shoulder waiting for the next panic attack?  You arent heading that way so focus on moving forward.  I wake up every morning grateful that i made it out alive, that i woke up clean and sober, wasnt in the birth section or the obits!
Helpful - 0
1 Comments
Sarah time and patience is one thing but I am still emotionally dead. All I feel is scared. Sad. Fear.  
Avatar universal
That sounds like depression caused by the effects of using for a long period of time and not just withdrawal symptoms that your still suffering from, am I right?  I was an oxy addict for 5 years and on heroin for 3 years after that. How long were u on them?  How high of a dose?
Helpful - 0
1 Comments
90 mgs of oxy for about 4 years.
Avatar universal
Bob, you are nothing if not relentless! You ask the same question over and over and the answer is still the same. Yes, you will feel better. No one has a crystal ball so they can't tell you when. I have never met anyone w/ long term sobriety who says "I wish I never got sober, this blows." Just have to trust.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Congrats on your 10 months, Bob!!! So glad you are staying close to your program:)
Helpful - 0
2 Comments
Thanks Jill. But like I told you before I need some advice from a fellow oxy user.  Will I ever feel comfortable again? Not scared? Or ever confident again?  Because I feel like I am just going through the motions waiting to die   Like ok let's get this over with I'm tired of struggling my whole life.  
Thanks Jill. But like I told you before I need some advice from a fellow oxy user.  Will I ever feel comfortable again? Not scared? Or ever confident again?  Because I feel like I am just going through the motions waiting to die   Like ok let's get this over with I'm tired of struggling my whole life.  
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495284 tn?1333894042
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