First...congrats on the 12 days! HUGE accomplishment!
Your doing right by reaching out on the forum since you have cravings. Just look at how far you've come and realize that giving in to the cravings will be throwing all that away!
Keep up the good work!
Great job on your 12 days clean! Keep reaching out when you need to. Try to keep yourself and your mind occupied. It really helps to get through the cravings. Are you going to AA/NA meetings? That might be something to consider. They help a lot of people get through the cravings and learn new coping skills. Hang in there and keep pushing forward. Things will continue to get better and better.
How good does it feel to say you havent had any in 12 days!!!! Thats amazing!! U r doing great!!!! Im about 5 weeks clean and to sit here and look back on each week leeding up to now i feel like i was a different person each week.... All the highs and lows my mind and body went thru. It gets easier please just believe that!!! I feel normal again!!!! My smiles are back and so is my laugh. Its just today we have to fight for!!! Life is soooo much better being sober!!! U can do it!!! I promise it gets better!!
When does the energy come back? That's where the cravings are coming from. Thank you all so much for the support.
Congratulations on 12 days clean, im getting some days of energy from l-tyrosine ( not to be taken with SSRI meds ) ive been taking it for about 13 days now. Available from health food shop.
Well done again : )
Agreed, tyrosine has been helping me stay active although I'm 6 days behind you. Try to force yourself to get up and walk around the house or something. Excercise could speed up your body healing process. Congrats on 12 days you're inspirational :)
Thanks for the recommendation of the tyrosine. What exactly does it help with? Energy? I think my lack of sleep or should I say lack of quality sleep is what's killing me. I'm up and around all day with the kids, back and forth to school, housework, meals, ect. I just feel like garbage. I will keep going, I made a promise to myself and that will not change. You're encouraging words and praise are keeping me focused. Love to all of you
I was told it helps give you energy but mostly takes away the crappy feeling from lack of sleep. Nights have been kinda bad for me but I feel fine during the day :)
Read this when you can it will help explain the reasons for tyrosine..... Thomas recipe.
Hi there Jewelzzzzzzzz,
A Huge Hi Five to you on your Big Accomplishment! 13 days (You Go!) The truth is that the healing is going to take a little longer. It's a gradual process. The trick is not to go back! Many of us can testify that the longer you run w/ opiates, the more years you use, the more habits you have -- the longer & harder the kick. So, please, do whatever you have to do to make this detox stick.
I couldn't agree w/ you more about the sleep. The cumulative lack of healing rest is the worst symptom for the vast majority of addicts in acute w/d,'s & in PAWS. Believe it or not, 3 hrs. per night @ 13 days (it was 12 when you posted, right?) is pretty good & bodes well. The best thing you can do are hot salt baths (epsom or table) followed by massage (foot &/or body) Exercise will really help to speed your healing, elevate your mood & help you sleep a little better. (The exercise thing tends to be cumulative.) Try to stay well hydrated, too! It doesn't sound like much but is extremely important in detox & beyond. (2 to 3 liters of plain water per day.) Nicotine, alcohol, caffeine, energy drinks, eating right before bedtime & certain OTC's will also interfere w/ healing sleep. If you find it impossible to sleep longer than you are, try not to fight it & obsess. Just redirect. Come online to MH, journal, watch a funny movie, listen to your favorite music, whatever is distracting. I find that listening to progressive relaxation/meditation vids on YT helps as do the vids of 'rain' or nature sounds helps me to fall & stay asleep a little longer. I'd add that drama & stress are killers in every sense & are often triggers to relapse.) So, if you find that sort of thing happening in your life, please reach out!:)
While L-Tyrosine is good, I'd supplement with a full-spectrum Raw amino acid formula (you can get this at health food stores, GNC's & Whole Foods -- they're not that expensive.) L-Tyrosine is one of the 22 amino acids our body uses to synthesize protein. There is no magic bullet for regaining energy. A healthy diet (eat as much fresh food as possible), hydration, exercise, a good attitude, time & more time are the answer. I know it's rough, rough, rough but look at it this way. You used for 4 yrs. So, it's not unreasonable that it'll take a little time for your body/mind to heal. (I know, it's hard to have patience when you feel like hell & you have people depending on you!)
It sounds like you have so much to look forward to & to live for. Try to look at what you're going through as an uncomfortable but necessary initiation into the new life you want for you an your awesome boys. :))
Here's a link about Tyrosine:
Congrats again.You're doing it & have every reason to be proud of yourself
Hold Fast, my friend! We're here.
You are a rock star!!!! I just got back from the vitamin shoppe and picked up the tyrosine and 5 htp. Talked to the manager at the shop and it was his suggestion. It's was inexpensive so I said I'll try anything. If you aren't familiar with it here's a link:
I also picked up melatonin. I have been eating well, lots of bananas, yogurt, lean proteins, fish (salmon). Not a fan of veggies so I've been drinking naked juice green machine. I'm trying anything. Haha. I have an appointment with my doctor on Friday. This is the doc I shut myself off to. Going to talk about PAWS and his thoughts on all this. I think he's kind of mad at me for going CT, but I tried tapering and couldn't do it (who can?) I've been telling him that I've wanted off for the past 6 months but he kept writing the script... Money in his pocket I'm guessing. He's a great doc, I won't knock him, he's always been very supportive and always made me a priority with the failed back surgery.
Anyway, day 13 feels phenomenal and no, I won't turn back, I'm way to hard headed. Now that I understand PAWS a little better I feel a little better. I keep this little saying on my iPhone lock screen...
"The best place to find a helping hand is at the end of your own arm....TRUST YOURSELF"
So, I'm going to trust myself, something I haven't done in a very long time.
Also, tomorrow begins Lent. I'm not religious at all and I've never given up anything for lent ever but tomorrow, instead of giving up something, I'm taking something back. I'm taking ME back. Giving up the "old" me and embracing this "new me". Thanks for the love.
Jewelz (may I call you that for short?:))
I'm so glad to hear you so positive & proactive! What are your symptoms currently? (i.e. what have you left behind & what are you still experiencing?)
Hard-headed, eh? (We've got that in common as well as the c/t thing & the attitude to just push through it & never go back.) That said, hard-headed can be both good & bad. By all means Trust Your 'higher' self but never forget that the real challenge will come in the form of denying the cravings you mentioned when they come at you. Have you given any thought to some form(s) of aftercare? I know that this isn't always the most welcome question (especially for us brick-heads;) but it would be a shame to do all the right things except the most important one! (Sounds like so far you're batting 1000.)
Let us know what you think & rock on my friend!:)
So this is the thing, Annie, and yes you can call me Jules, I consider myself an accidental abuser/addict. I was very naive about pain pills. Never a drinker (alcoholic mother) I have never even laid eyes on cocaine. I've smoked pot and did ecstasy once at age 21. I'm 40 now. My back blew out giving birth to number 2. Blew a disk while pushing him out. Fun huh? Well it was the type of injury that needed immediate surgery. Lost feeling in both legs and lost bowel control. I had the surgery and wasn't able to take the time to completely recover because my husband at the time was in the service and was deploying 4 weeks after the surgery. The military didn't give a crap about my situation. I was away from family and had no help. Anywho, I ended up reherniating the disc 3 months after surgery and was kept on Vicodin until 13 days ago. 2 years ago they did an MRI that showed my spine was fusing on its own and I could avoid a spinal fusion. Told me it could take 6 months to a year to possibly 2 years. I was dead against the surgery so I stayed on the pills. 6 months ago my back pain lessened and I had another MRI that showed my spine was 95% fused. Yay!!! So, that's when I decided to try to get off them and that's when it hit me... I was addicted. Made me insane. I'm a control freak and this was out of my control. Started getting panic attacks over it and hyper focused on it all the time. It was consuming me. I had to wake up and pop a pill immediately to feel "normal." All signs pointing to addiction. I stopped catching a buzz off them years ago and I was like why am I even taking these things. Understand? I'm sure you do, that's why you're on this forum and have sparkly stars by your name. ;)
I tried to taper, failed. Tried CT with a few suboxones from my gf who got hooked on heroin, (she had 3 extra), well, that sucked and didn't work so on Feb. 20th, I took my last pill and brought half a bottle to CVS and handed them to the pharmacist and told him I was ALL SET and walked out of the store armed with OTC meds that I knew would help me. I covered all my shifts for the weekend (bartender) and told my ex husband what I was going thru and what I had to do. He took a week off of work so that gave me 10 days at home to kick this thing in the *** and that's what I did. I had my friend drag me to a sauna on day 5 I think and I sat in 125 degree steam for an hour and sweat my bum off. Wanted the toxins out. I've been going back every chance I can get to keep sweating out the "devil" (as I call it) Whew, this is a novel and I have to go make dinner so I'll catch up with you in a hour or so to continue. What are your thoughts on all this? I can't even begin to thank you for being here for me. You are my rock right now. Much love and.....
Hey ZZZ something that helped me in the dark times,might sound kind of weird but when its dark in your head and your in detox pain,accept it.Say this is going to hurt for awhile,I don't know how long but I have to accept it.Then the next time it gets ugly its not as devastating and goes away quicker,not completely away but some relief.Then you know the longer you hold out,the easier it gets.I think pain is the main reason most of us are here.When you smack your thumb with a hammer ,whooo its going hurt, nothing you can do but wait and tell yourself how dumb you are.Same thing here just takes a hell of a lot longer LOL
I enjoyed your novel (& recommend it highly to all:) Hope you enjoyed your dinner. I'm about to go cook myself. So, you're a bartender, eh? (I was too.) I also, have an alcoholic parent [my father.]
I'm so sorry to hear about your disc issue & the attendant medical fallout. That's Rough! All the more power to you on your decision. I hear you on opting against the back surgery (scary stuff!) I'd have probably done the same in your situation.
You sound like a strong, self-aware spirit & that's half the battle. I was impressed that you told your Dr. 'No more -- I'm done'. Also, are you saying that you handed in half a bottle of Vics @ CVS?? (I was a bit confused when you mentioned you took your last pill.) If so, well..Just..Wow!!!! I think it's great that you got to a sauna so early on. If it helped once, it'll most likely help again. Are you going to the gym as well? As I noted above, regular exercise (of any type) will help w/ the detox, mood, sleep & healing.
That's great that your ex is supportive. It's a real plus to have sober, non-judgmental people around you who'll lend an ear, shoulder &/or hand when needed!
You mentioned taking 3 Subs while trying to get off the Vics. Yeah, that wouldn't do much good for you. I personally feel that in your situation you should avoid Methadone & Suboxone if at all possible as they're much stronger, are fully synthetic, store in your bones & tissue & are much harder to kick (depending on length of use.) Just a head's up: (& you might already be aware of this.) If you're not moderately to severely ill when you take Buprenorphine, it can throw you into horrific 'precipitated' w/d's that make the regular kind look like a cakewalk. (I've seen it.)
Soooo, I don't want to beat a dead horse, here but have you given any thought to my question above re: some form of aftercare? You say that you're pretty 'naive' when it comes to this whole thing & I want to save you some heartache & time. (Something we can never retrieve!) The thing is, that as difficult as physical withdrawal & PAWS (Post-Acute Withdrawal syndrome) can be, the real challenge lies in denying those insidious urges to use when they blindside you. I know that it's early in your recovery but it's never to early to start laying a solid foundation to protect your hard-won gains & a chance at a life of possibility & peace. (It'd be a shame to have to do this all over again & we're never guaranteed a second go round!)
Sorry, but I'm going to throw another toughie your way. You mentioned you have a friend who is/was an H. addict (I'm in recovery from M'done/Heroin & alcohol.) Do you have many friends who are addicts/alcoholics? I know that as an active user, I sure did! I found it necessary to make some difficult changes in my life in order to stay clean. Just something to think about! I know...I know..rough.
You mentioned that you're a 'control freak'. If this is even partially true, do you think it might be possible to use that 'hyper-focus' as a means of turning this whole thing on it's head -- of using your drive & focus to push through the physicality of early recovery & as a means of discovering what your emotional/mental/situational triggers to use are & the best ways of combating them when they hit? I've noticed that some of our qualities are amplified & take on a negative character during active addiction. Could this be the case, here?
Everything you mentioned re: obsessing over pills & using is totally familiar to me as I'm sure it is to many here. And yes, we're seeking what we've come to consider 'normal'. Love that you put that in parenthesis b/c it's anything but normal as you realize. As I began to heal & to live life w/o opiates, I was shocked to discover exactly how 'dead' I'd been all those years -- how I used them to keep everything difficult at arms-length. Unfortunately, it becomes less & less effective as time passes & we're left with so much 'unprocessed' grief,, anger, etc. The simple fact is that we aren't really living when we're using. If you follow through w/ this, you'll discover exactly how 'unfeeling' we've been during our use. Learning to 'sit in our own skins' again. with both good and bad feelings w/o reaching for something to change our chemistry is what it's all about. That's the crux of it. It sounds to me like you're more than ready to start 'living' again!!
Thanks for letting me get all that out (I haven't posted like this in quite some time!):) I just want to let you know that I'm proud of what you've accomplished. Stay strong, be wise & honest & patient with yourself & you've got this, Jules!
I went to a NA meeting with my gf who gave me the suboxone that time. I was only 5-6 days clean and it was a huge group so I was a bit intimidated and still a lil sick so it didn't hit home with me. I am seeing (have been for 3 months) a psychologist to deal with stress management and relaxation techniques. He knows about the pill thing but doesn't know I stopped. I haven't seen him since I CT'd. I see him on Monday at 9 am so I'm intrigued to hear his reaction to my impulsive decision. As far as the CVS thing, yes, I planned it all out. I had to work Thursday day shift and needed the pills to get thru it. I knew I was to start my detox in the morning so after my shift, I popped one last one, haha, ok 2 and handed him a half a bottle of vikes. I don't think he really grasped what was going on but I was gone before he could say anything and couldn't care less really. I felt empowered. Something I hadn't felt in a long long time. I came home and cried like a baby. Wasn't really sure if I cried because I was proud of myself or scared to death of what was to come the next couple of days.
As far as friends who are users, no. One maybe 2. I've only lived in Boston for a few years and only came here with my ex husband and the kids because he got transferred from where we were in the South. He's a marine corps recruiter and we got orders here. I met Alexis years before I moved here. She dated a friend of mine and when I found out we were being transferred, I looked her up. She was sober at the time, relapsed and went 30 day inpatient and has been on subs since. I love the girl and she's always been real with me, keeping me in check with what could happen to me. She's the one who got me thru the detox. Told me what to get OTC, what foods to get, brought me Gatorade. Sat and talked when I wanted. Ran me hot baths, dragged me to the sauna.
Exercise? Hmmm. Still on the fence. Between bar tending 4-5 10 hr shifts a week at a busy place (I run around like crazy) and having the boys with all the running around with them, I'm wiped. I used to do yoga and I will start again but anything hard core like cardio or Zumba could possibly set back my back healing. That's where I'm cautious. I don't want to be in pain because I don't want to ever have to take another narc pain med ever again. Just told my gf that I was afraid of getting a toothache or getting in a car accident and being knocked out and having the ER docs hit me with morphine if I'm unconscious. See!!!! Hyper focusing. I've been reading up on PAWS and like I said before, the more I understand it, the better I feel. Physically I'm just tired. Way past the acute WD's. I read paws can come at once or be delayed a few weeks. I could just be in limbo right now. I do feel a little better every day. Baby steps. Trying to figure this out hour by hour really.
Oh My Creative Force Of The Universe!! You live in Boston, Jules? So do I!
Big RESPECT to you on the CVS thing. (beautiful!) You've got every reason to be proud of that & it was empowering just reading about it. You say that you did it impulsively but I've got the feeling that you were more than ready. What a release -- what a turn around! No wonder you felt that way when you got home. I'd hazard a guess that it was both of the emotions you mentioned. Sounds like a turning point. That's wonderful that you're going to see your psychologist next week & that he's teaching you these techniques. I do breathwork/meditation when I have the time & am hoping to get back into Yoga & Chi Gong really soon. I've got to join a gym again. (It's driving me nuts trying to figure out a way to fit it into my day, though.)
Your friend sounds like a good one. I'm glad she was there for you. :))
I'm not suggesting you go crazy with the exercise! (Cardio, @ your stage of the game, ha!) I was just talking about walking & staying busy for the moment but it sounds like you do already. Naturally, you know best what'll affect your back & what will help it. Hatha Yoga & swimming (low impact) spring to mind.
Glad to hear that you're reading up on addiction & PAWS. I think you'll find this site a really useful tool to get you through any PAWS you may experience. (Not everyone goes through it.) I certainly did & am still healing but don't let that frighten you, different drug & length of use/history altogether.
I hear you on being tired. I'm relieved to hear you're over the acutes. PAWS offers a different set of challenges which you'll probably encounter (& deal with with your super-power [hyper-focus!]) Keep up your wonderful attitude. Hour by hour, moment by moment is exactly how you're meant to be taking this. Obsessing about the future or when you'll feel this way or that way, is a trap many fall into that is useless & counter-productive. Just roll w/ it, do the right thing & the healing will come. You're doing great & I'm happy you're feeling a little better as time progresses.
I usually only have a brief window in the morning to post & answer email & don't get home from work 'til almost 1 am. I'm off today & tomorrow. So, I had the luxury/privilege of posting. So, if you'd like/feel the need, please, feel free to PM me (message me on MH) or note me & I'll make it a point to get back to you.
All Good Things Your Way,
Wow, mercury in retrograde actually did something good for once. It brought me here to this site and to you and your roomie. What a blessing. Gonna try to get some sleep. Wish me luck.
Thanks for the insight. I'm loving all this support. So glad I found this site
Hey neighbor!! How fantastic
Sleep well, red line girl!! Mercury in retrograde, ha! It's the 'Karma Police' doing something kind for once. We'll talk soon:)
Hey! Yeah this is pretty cool news. I'm so glad you found this site. Definitely meant to be huh? I hope you'll stick around and keep posting. There's lots of good info and people on here. Feel free to sand me a message anytime you want/need to talk. We are here for you and cheering you on! :) Have a good evening and take care of yourself.
Well Hello..You got some great info from my Buds above..I just want to wish you the best..Just remember that we did not become addicted over night..SO Time is what it will take to heal.
2 weeks today folks. Feeling good. Got maybe 4-5 hrs sleep last night. Just wanted to say thanks to all of you for all you love and support. I definetly got what I asked for when I posted my question.