15 hours in to fentanyl with drawls, need advice

[910addicted]

My question, would xanax and Zofran help me? I have Lidoderm patches, I have phenegram( but it makes me sicker), I have Firocet(migraine barbituate, which I am taking now), I have motrin, tylenol, flexril, skelaxin, ambien, Zanaflex, among many other things. Would any of this help me? I am starving. I can not eat. I am restless as hell. My legs are worst and my back and fibromyalgia are  killing me. I am afraid to go to my pain doc and say I ran out again! Especially since a family member promised him to administer the drug to me after the withdrawl ER trip last May. That lasted 3 months before they quit and I am struggling alone with this. I ahve tried everything I found on the older post about this. If anyone is here could use some encouraging words as I am home alone with my 3 kids.
You know the worst of it. I called a methadone maitenance clinic and for the second time they say I am not an addict.  

[910addicted171]

Hey all it is 910addicted. Had to make a new account could not get into the other.

GREAT NEWS, 9 days, 9 hours, and 55 minutes clean!! THANK YOU ALL!
So what have I been doing? I have been to doctors everyday this week! I am tired! I will recap the experience. Monday saw the addiction specialist for my insurance who sent me to an addiction clinic for evaluation. I was approved for both in or out patient care but had to meet their psychiatrist Tues, as they wanted to make sure I would play well with others. I met him and he tried to con me into saying that voices were currently telling me to kill myself! Yeah right. I was born schizophrenic, but it was not that night okay! At that percise moment they just told me to rip his jugular out but I was not about to say that to him. His purpose was to put me in the nut hut as my insurance will pay for it and pay well. I told him I did not need his help with my mental illness cause I have a psychiatrist and later told them to shove their kind of help. After leaving him I went straight to my psychologist and had one big cry! She reassured me that this is typical for my diseases and we would fix it. Wednesday, I saw my pain specialist's PA, whom to some degree is a big cause of my perk overuse. I told her what I had done and declined the pain meds. I think this was a BIG step for me because they had no idea. I was there for my meds appointment. I could have gotten my perks and fentanyl and did it again. It is not that I want to get high. My back is BAD!! Add fibromyalgia, schizophrenia,bipolar, optical migraines (where for no reason I go blind),ocd, ptsd, and my generally hate for still being alive or even born, I am in EXTREME PAIN both physically and mentally! So, I turned down the pain meds, as I was determined to do this and see if I still had the juice to do it. Thursday I saw the most important person in my health team my psychiatrist, who hit the roof. He said if they(being the pain clinic) had done something 4 years ago when I told them perks did not work or sent me to a surgeon like I have BEGGED for, then we would not be here now. He refused to take the xanax away or the fiorcet, because I have never abused them, so why punish me. I have had those bottles since sept last year and each have maybe 5 gone, so he would not take it away. The overuse of perks to pain, led me to overuse fentanyl to stop withdrawls from perks. So he wants the pain meds BACK ASAP! He said being in all this pain, it might drive me to end the suffering! This is true as I have tried it more times than not. So, feeling better about myself, rather than the bad feelings of everyone "Brow beating me" I was set to try to reach another day. Today is that day, day 9 and victory is sweet. Saw my psychologist and we are looking for a surgeon now, physical therapy, and a pain med I can use that will not talk to me. I know others would saw perks can not talk, but for me we carry on conversations a lot. I am a complicated case, but I am still trying. I do not know how long I can bear the pain without narcotics, but I will say, I am alive and clean because you all reached out yours words to comfort and support me, even when family would not. For that I am eternally grateful to you all. I will try to stay without narcotics but I can tell you I am suffering greatly. I do feel empowered by what I have done, but the pain overwhelms me. For others trying to get clean. You CAN DO IT! If I am alive then you will be too. I am weak as a kitten, tired but no sleep comes, frustrated, anxious, still have rls and my back kills me, BUT I am clean and only taking, motrin tylenol,and fiorcet as needed for my headache! Good luck to everyone, thanks for the help and I will be through to see how everyone is making out! :)) Best wishes and prayers to you.

[910addicted171]

Thanks to both of you. I am 910addicted but my account was weird and could not get in, so had to make new account.

[910addicted171]

It is 910addicted, I had to change my log in because they system will not accept my password or my email.

Hey dear, how goes it for you? Hope you are well and still in the fight! If you need more support from me, I can give you my email. Do not give up and keep on truckin. HUGS and pat yourself on the back.:))

[vicki595]

Whew!  I just read this post and all I can say is:  You Rock!!     You've been so strong here;be proud!!

Did you get that Immodium? I'm telling you: Take it!!  It's great stuff!!   No,Ativan does not help withdrawals AND you already have Fioricet(which is bad enough in it's own right but I'm biased against it!)  You can't take both,or shouldn't.

Once you treat the GI symptoms,you'll be able to eat and drink. Think protein and fluids. Peanut butter toast. Green tea or peppermint tea. MMMM
You need those fluids especially!

I'm glad your husband is on board. I was afraid to tell the truth, also, but I did and at that point I didn't care what anyone did!!  I felt free!!

Keep posting and good luck!   The reward DOES come,believe me!

[Storme]

I don't kn ow much about your particular DOC as I was/am addicted to Vicodin. However, I am very familiar with withdrawals and I can tell you that the stomach problems will pass. Try eating some toast and drink tea with it. If nothing else, try Sprite and some saltine crackers. You have actually passed the worst days of withdrawals and should start seeing better days very, very soon.

Please don't give up. I kn ow this ***** so badly but you can get through this. You are literally at the turning point now. Part of your stomach woes can be related to the stress of the whole process and not necessarily to the withdrawals at all. You need to try to relax (I know it is easier said than done) and just keep telling yourself it is almost over. You should be proud of every minute, hour and day you fight this fight and keep going because you know you CAN!

I am here for you hon. I kn ow everything you are feeling. We all do. We also know you can get past this section of the road.

Hang in there!

[Arsia]

It will go away. My big problem with getting things done is if I don't feel something right away (like if I start exercising, if I don't get muscles right away), then I give up. This is really hard for me, but just like you said, take it day by day. Remind yourself that it WON'T last forever. It WILL go away.

[910addicted]

Not just you babe. I was doing okay, but today 6 days in I got severe abdominal pains coming up making me vomit and stuff. No energy. Can't eat. This is BS. I mean I decide to quit and feel like I am not getting any reward for my effort. If the gut pain would stop the other symptoms would be manageable. AAAARRrrrrrrrggggg.I am getting frustrated.

[Arsia]

I'm getting off of hydrocodone and it's awful. It's not even the physical symptoms that are killing me. It's the anxiety and panic. God this is so hard. I keep freaking out because I can't help but wonder if this will never go away? What if it's just me?

[910addicted]

You are in the best place being here. Everyone has been helpful and supportive. I thought I would loose my hubby, because I too have done this 3 times. I think what kept me from trying to stay clean was the fear of pain and of withdrawls. I told him and he was furious, but today he is in the fight with me. I will never judge your decision to not tell her, but I can say it is nice to have my hubbys support and HELP! He went so proactive he told his boss, called the drug addiction clinic and we have an appointment Monday. Of course I could go to hospital and get something but I keep saying I came this far, why go back. I take it 1 minute at a time. Just posting the hours I have got is such a help. I know what pill w/d are lick. My first one was perks and I almost died. I went into renal failure, threw up blood, heart and bloodpressure bottomed out and they gave me heart drugs. Pills stopped the pain but only for an hour or 2 then I needed more and more. Before long it was 10 perks a day. I have to fight the thought on getting on methadone. etc etc.
My point is YOU CAN DO IT! STAY ON HERE AND POST AWAY! Good luck to you.

[Losingmylife]

Don't know about that but I've been thru this more times than I would like to count...  Actually cane off fent a couple months ago and am fighting hydrocodone wd's right now.  Constant struggle for me and I am in a similar situation with my wife where I can't tell her or I will loose everything.  The hard part for me is after withdrawal I somehow convince myself I can just use a little even though I know I can't because I'm an addict!  I think the mantra has to be get me thru this and then once u feel better it has to change to keep me away from the drugs.  I never had an issue till I had surgeries and the beautiful drug that made all the pain go away became a coping mechanism.  My life has gone downhill from there!  

[910addicted]

Thanks. Yeah the store I went to did not have it at all. I appreciate the info. It gets good then crash, wave of symptoms. I have some kids immodium, could I try it?

[Losingmylife]

You need to get the immodium ad!  In is a godsend for your stomach.  It has lopermide which is an opiate like substance that will calm your stomach!  Basically it acts as opiates do on your gastrointestinal tract and will calm your stomach issues alot!  It won't take it away but it will help quite a bit.  Keep going your doing good!  The other thing that always helps me is try to stay as calm as you can.  I've always found when I get upset everyhing magnifies!

[910addicted]

Doing good. Just had my 4 hot bath of the day. I invested in depends for women. It comes in waves the sick stomach, the pain, the legs. I am determined to do this for sure, but feel hopeless at moments. ALONE! Here makes me feel less alone. I found a NA meeting tonight. I am going. Hope they accept me as I found it online. I went to the store and they had no Amodium AD, hence the adult diapers. I am still having some hot and cold flashes but mostly the stomach is bad. I want to share a tip I found on another discussion board. Most will TMI but I say hey we need any help we can get. Masturbation!! OOPS I said that! On another discussion board a guy said he found it helped with all the symptoms. So I said why should I be ashamed, it is my body. As I am not one to do this, it took some talking myself into. I SWEAR ON MY LIFE IT WORKS!! For 1 or 2 hours you feel better. It apparently releases natural feelings of euphoria that match that of the meds. I hope I have not offended anyone but I thought if it works we need info!! LOVE YOU ALL and WE ARE IN THIS TOGETHER!

[910addicted]

Thanks. It is getting better now that my hubby is getting onboard. I disappointed him badly. Alot of his family was arrested by DEA! He never thought his wife was heading that way. He has always hated drug addicts and now he is married to one. You all will probably be surprised that I went to the grocery store with 3 kids and SURVIVED!

[910addicted]

Hey guys it is me. I can not find it online!!! Any suggestions.

[IBKleen]

Here is the link to meetings in your area. Get yourself there:

http://portaltools.na.org/portaltools/MeetingLoc/

Hang on and let us know how you make out.

[910addicted]

I need to find out about NA! I need that I think. I am feeling crappy but determined more than ever to go cold turkey. My hubby is pissed but standing behind me on this. We can do it but we need you guys.
THANK YOU TO EVERYONE HERE, YOU GOT ME THIS FAR! WITHOUT YOU THIS WOULD BE TERRIFYING BUT WITH YOU ALL YOU GIVE ME HOPE FOR MYSELF. LOVE TO ALL OF YOU AND TOGETHER WITH GOD WE WILL BEAT THESE MEDS!

[910addicted]

Just woke up. I actually slept last night 3 hours. Woke up so sick to my stomach that I feel I will vomit. My head hurts really bad. I read somehwere ativan would take withdrawls away. Is this true. Thanks everyone for the help. Waiting here for better days.

[910addicted]

Thanks. I was trying to get a support group. Thought my family would handle it better than my hubby. I can not believe this has went so wrong. I told my brother 2 days ago because we are blood and adopted. We are real close. He was a great supporter. Then I told my dad he was cool. My mom hit the ceiling. Not because she does not think I need help but because she loves me. My parents are coming tomorrow I think to help with the kids as my hubby is a soldier. I wish I had not told anyone but I thought they would be like good about time you did it. But my mom has watched people die from fentanyl and they never wanted me on this stuff anyway. I am frustrated at all this. My mom called brother and fussed cause he did not tell them sooner. My brother called and cussed me out at the top of his lungs. To add I have to tell hubby tonight and he will scream. You are right IBKleen, I should have never told!

[IBKleen]

Why are you telling everyone? If they don't know anything about addiction---and by that I mean really understand the disease, you are setting yourself up to be ridiculed. that is not a good place to put you mentally 32 hours in.

I hope you hang in there.

[910addicted]

Hey Guys, so I told my mother too! She is a nurse and went ballistic. She said I will die by tomorrow. She flipped out and said she thought we are all crazy! I said I need support not a lecture mother. She said she would call back. I think she intends to come put me in the nut hut!! She said I better tell my hubby before she calls and tells. I can not stand it. I feel bad enough, I was scared already and she just destroyed my calmness. Scoenen, thank you for warning me. I could probably go to pain doc tomorrow and get meds but I think I come this far why go back. I think my mother intends to come here and put me on hydrocodone and go to my appointment with me to make them do something. I am scared, frustraated and getting extremely sick to the stomach. I just had another hot bath, man 3 loads of clothes and counting.The shirt I wore during the sweats, I swear it smelled like fentanyl, which made me crave it.
For anyone interested, so far I have had hot flashes/ cold flashes, the chills, shakes, headache, sneezing, coughing, diaherra ( and no amodium) anxious, scared, nauseas, weak, frustrated and wondering why it is this bad.

[910addicted]

Checked it thank you hon. We will make it. I just told my brother and dad. They are devaistiated. I can not spell with this crazy pain. Gonna tell mom. I am working courage to tell my hubby. Do you think it will be better tomorrow or not?

[scoenen]

i hate to say this but it is going to get worse for about 4-5 more days before it gets better.  when i came off fent i thought i would feel better in the 3 days like for pills.  i later found out it takes 5-7 to get some relief after coming off fentanyl.  i was going crazy thinking why don't i feel better yet and i would have like to known this at the time so i could have been better prepared.  YOU CAN DO THIS!!  keep talking with your psych- make sure and keep him/her in the loop.  you have a few more things to consider than i did.

scoenen

[scoenen]

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