2 weeks clean but scared (oxy)

[davidp912]

I've always been prone to drug use, I've done almost all of them but could stop everything with no problem. Then I started my affair with opiates. I started doing perc 30s maybe like once a week, that turned into two, three,etc. I was hooked and did them basically everyday, as much as I could afford to. Same thing happened to my daily use pattern, doing one , two , three or more a day. I was snorting them by the way and my tolerance rose very quickly. It came to the point were I couldn't afford to get high everyday, and dreaded going a day without. Instead of just trying to quick I found that I could get high for cheaper. I started to inject the pills instead of snorting them. I could do one instead of doing three. Once I started injecting them I couldn't go back to snorting, I didn't even care because I was getting high and could do it everyday. Well it didn't take me long to build a tolerance to that at well so I was right back to where I was but now was shooting them up. I did heroin a few times, although its an opiate it didn't make me feel the same and I didn't like it at all also because I never knew what else was in it, how good or bad it was and all that, I felt "safe" shooting the pills because I always knew what I was getting and what it was going to do. I've quit a few times for up to a month but I always seem to go back, starting off slowly then it turns daily, my last stint with them left me homeless,carless,and jobless. This is the second time I lost so much because of my habit. You'd think id learn the first time but nope I didn't. I'm 2 weeks clean now and scared I'm gonna go back. I kno I should have faith in myself but after so many relapses its hard to have faith.I'm just starting to get my life back. My car should be fixed soon, I have a place to live and just got a job.I feel like the freedom of my car and the money in my pocket from the job are going to get the best of me. Yes I've been off the drugs for 2 weeks but I've also been broke and have no way around. Now that I'm feeling better I don't want to get into the same cycle and have to deal with withdrawl again. I don't know what I'm really asking, could just use some support.

[InGodsHands777]

I hope this finds you somewhere around 3 wks clean?? If so, thats awesome!!! Just always remember this....when you hear yourself talking and debating what to do in your head, should i take it?? oh just one aint gonna hurt!!...so on & so on, remember that the voice asking you to take just one more or use for just one more day, IS NOT YOURS!!!!
That is the monster, the addiction speaking to you!!! If you can visualize this, when these thoughts are going through your head, it will make it much easier to fight!!! The monster is real, & we as addicts have to stand tall minute by minute & keep him at bay!!
Good luck to you & PLEASE let us know how your doing!! We're here for you!!! :)

[IBKleen]

Hi & Welcome!

Well, it is certainly your choice to get get high and start the cycle all over again but then what? What do you think the next step up from booting pills will be? I think you know the answer.

You already know how to stop. Now you have to learn to stay stopped. The way that I do it is to surround myself with support---people in recovery. You can do that by going to meetings, going to counseling. seeing a church elder, etc. Whatever it is that makes you comfortable is great. You need to get to the reasons why you keep using--masking your feelings. If you get to the core issues then you can face them head on.

You took a huge step posting here. Congrats! I hope you stick around and consider other avenues of support.