20 days clean and still feeling awkward!!!!! Pleaase Help???

[Norcodude39]

Hello everyone. Im very proud to say I have 20 days clean after about 3 years of abuse from norco 10-325s. I was taking between 15-20 a day. I felt completely horrible for the first week and now I just hate everything. I have no motivation for anything. Im making myself get up and go to work. I do not want anything to do with those Devils ever again. I just really need to hear about people feeling better. Im still not sleeping well and although Im eating much better and taking vitamins I still have anxiety and horrible mood swings. I remembered when I was on pills I could do anything I felt invinsible. I also remember how productive I used to be before the pills working out all the time always lending a hand to whomever and actually careing about my life. I just feel like the partys over and Im 39 now and I dont drink due to alcoholism. I quit drinking 5 years ago and found the pills about 4 years ago and started abusing them about 3 years ago. I was always a go getter type of person. I just feel extremely lazy and have nothing to look forward to anymore. Im once again going for my dream job that I gave up due to an arrest for being drunk. Im being as honest as possible I just dont feel like doing anything. Im making new friends in AA/NA but i just feel so horrible all the time. I was prescribed zoloft 11 years ago and have been taking it ever since no matter what Im wondering if the norcos somehow changed me? What happened to all my energy and enthusiam for life? I have 2 college degrees and work at a pizza place right now just to get by. I honestly dont know what happened to me. Every morning I want to feel great and tackle my day but Im just depressed or something. Trust me I AM NOT thinking about hurting myself or anything at all I just want to feel normal. I feel so alone because I read all these posts and people taking back charge of their lives and doing many new things but all I want to do is go home and sleep. Im totally broke but getting by right now and am just hopeing the old me will return soon. Am I the only one who feels like this? I know I only have 20 days clean but its the longest Ive ever had and thru GOD I am sober today and these last 20 days. Im just waiting for my life to get better and get me motivated again. Any help would be so much appreciated.

[Norcodude39]

Thats totally possible. Maybe the anti-depressent isnt working like it should. But I remember when I went on them It took more than a month to feel better so Im just hopeing that maybe they will start working the same in a similar way? I know I need them as Ive been diagnosed with anxiety/depression. My anxiety gets really bad that the opiates must have been masking it because I totally feel it now.I just want one good day and be able to accomplish things. Im still going to work and doing what I need to but damn I feel like crap all the time. Ugghh. Dont get me wrong Im feeling much better than I was 2 weeks ago but I still dont believe im feeling normal yet at least I hope this isnt normal. People at work are always asking now why Im sad and If I feel like crying and what happened to the outgoing person I was on pills. They of course dont know but I do. I just say Im not feeling well but damn after 22 days youd think Id be feeling some comfort. This is something I will never forget!!!!!

[akitagurl12]

I know how you are feeling, I remember asking 'is this what sober is now' around day 20.  It's not.  Everything you are experiencing is normal.  Even though it doesn't take nearly as long for our bodies to come back from years of abuse, it still does take time.  I am actually really impressed that you went to a meeting.  That just goes to show your determination.  I am sure it was hard to get out of the house to go do that when you were feeling so bad, but you did!  Another thing you might want to look at is the zoloft.  I was on effexor and found that while taking all that vicodin, it was making the antidepressant not work like it was supposed to.  But after I got off the vicodin, I found that the antidepressant just wasn't for me.  It was causing alot of unmotivation and lack of energy.  It might still be too soon to tell, but maybe part of what you are feeling is the effect of the zoloft and maybe you just don't like that feeling.  Hang in there, better days are in store for you:)

[On2better]

It's nice to hear that you are seeking local support! Lately when I've had the blahs, fatigue, or cravings, I just close my eyes and open my heart. God knows the desires of your heart, Norcodude. Let those desires speak for themselves and experience the chills you get as His spirit washes over you. It's amazing

[Norcodude39]

Wow thank you all for your support and advice. It means the world to me. I went to an AA meeting tonight and I am an alcoholic and I brought up pills and someone actually said lets keep it to alcohol. After the meeting 2 people came up to me and said dont listen to that guy hes an idiot and that they were both there to keep off pills. It was cool to have them there and I made friends and people suooprted me. It felt great!!!!

[waterLilly7]

hey, first off, congrats on the 20 days!!! been 24 for me, and I am totally with you on all counts. It takes  a full month, so please, hang in and don't think that this crap will last forver. That was the hardest part for me even 5 days ago I thought it, "Oh dear God, what if this is different with me, and this horribel anxiety will never end????" HA! it does. I still get some, I have another week to go myself before I should be much better, and even at day 24 it's so much better htan just a few days ago. I could NOT go near a supermarket, OMG the anxiety, I couldn't even check my emial or anser the phone!!! I had to force myself to post here, and watch TV. I forced myself to do little things like cook something, and clean here and there, and really pushed to throw in a load of wash or clean the litterl box, it was like pulling teeth, and exercize is good, I know, but there was no way i could exercize last week, I couldnt even take the dog out, ok, but justa  few days has helped greatley. Still feeling under energy for usre, but at least I don't feel as if the world is coming to and end anymore, or that I am doomed, or that I will never be able to answer the phone again without fear, it is so much better now, in just these last few days.
Give it another ten days, then come and tell us fhow much better it is, and how great you feel, ok?
huge hugs,
Lily

[TheMadMan]

Your story and your accomplishments are something to be very proud of. Helping yourself any way you can is the start to a healthy mind and body. The want to do something that the drugs did not, is a great focus. Staying strong is the best medicine and doing what you are doing is the best medicine.
I have gone through detox from fentanyl 50mcg.alone with morphine for breakthrough pain. It was not helping my pain and when I realizes I was down to 108 pounds after looking in the mirror, it scared the hell out of me, so I saw no other choice to go cold turkey. It is now over 3o days clean and it was a rough road but I am doing better. Yesterday for the first time, I seemed to hit a wall of depression. I did not realize it was depression and could not snap myself out of it but tried. I went down to the beach with my wheelchair, put on my music that I like and really tried to get into in and did for the time being but still found myself feeling lousy when I came home. I have handle depression before and it is very annoying. For me I just have to ride it out each day. I don't take any medication for depression but I usually don't get depressed. I did not realize that this is part of the withdrawal I am going through and when that thought kicked in at least I understood why I felt the way I did. Knowing that, I just had to ride it out, but that is just me. It is very hard to get motivated when you feel this way. I wish just going to sleep would help get through the day sometimes but I understand the depression and lack of motivation you are feeling. I am feeling that also. I have to push myself daily to accomplish the house chores that are needed. My understanding of what the body goes through when detoxing is about the endorphins and what they do to help the body heal. It takes time for these endorphins to kick in but exercise is supposed to be the best way to kick these endorphins in to help the body heal. The lack of motivation is annoying and at times feels very helpless and I understand that. I am feeling that now but understand why which helps me know what my body is doing. Sometimes understanding why the body does what it does, helps the mind focus on why and that there can be a better focus of why. The depression and lack of motivation is extremely annoying but it will pass as the body heals. Understand your body is going through a lot right now and the side effects are annoying and hell to go through. I understand that. I can only offer to keep your mind focused on the things you want to accomplish. The daily accomplishments when you realize what you have accomplished will soon register. Look at what you have done already and have you patted your self on the back for what you have done. Have you looked at yourself in the mirror and said to yourself, I am proud of what I have done. I am a good person who belongs and I am a part of the world that needs me and I am proud to be a part of belonging. Find an accomplishment that you have done and really look at that and put the pride into high gear. Add some pride in what you have to what you have done. It may give you incentive to accomplish more things that you can add more pride to and feel better as a person that belongs to a world that needs you and the people around you. I know it is a rough feeling to go through and each day can be annoying but each day can be an accomplishment when you find something that you want to do  and have done it. Little things count. Waking up and making coffee to start the day. Looking outside to find the sunshine and if there isn't any, create something that will bring sunshine into your life. Keep the mind focused on something positive you have done. It doesn't have to be a world project, just something that gets you through the day. Then you can look back and say I made it through another day and you can add that accomplishment to your list of things you have done.
I wish I could offer more advise and hope you understand what I am trying to say. I know this has got to work for me and I have to make it work for me because I want it to. That is one accomplishment for me to be proud of and to get me through the day. Stay strong and focused and I sincerely wish you the best of luck and proud to know you have done so well. Your post is a message to people who need to understand and your reaching out and helping yourself is something to be very proud of and that is what caught my attention in reading your post. Job well done and thanks for listening. You are an inspiration to me and thanks for helping me understand that I am not alone and that there are people like you that can help people like me understand and feel the understanding you have accomplished. Keep up the good work and I know it will get better, it has to with every thing you have done and the mind will do the rest.
Thanks for listening....