20 days clean and still feeling awkward!!!!! Pleaase Help???

[Norcodude39]

Hello everyone. Im very proud to say I have 20 days clean after about 3 years of abuse from norco 10-325s. I was taking between 15-20 a day. I felt completely horrible for the first week and now I just hate everything. I have no motivation for anything. Im making myself get up and go to work. I do not want anything to do with those Devils ever again. I just really need to hear about people feeling better. Im still not sleeping well and although Im eating much better and taking vitamins I still have anxiety and horrible mood swings. I remembered when I was on pills I could do anything I felt invinsible. I also remember how productive I used to be before the pills working out all the time always lending a hand to whomever and actually careing about my life. I just feel like the partys over and Im 39 now and I dont drink due to alcoholism. I quit drinking 5 years ago and found the pills about 4 years ago and started abusing them about 3 years ago. I was always a go getter type of person. I just feel extremely lazy and have nothing to look forward to anymore. Im once again going for my dream job that I gave up due to an arrest for being drunk. Im being as honest as possible I just dont feel like doing anything. Im making new friends in AA/NA but i just feel so horrible all the time. I was prescribed zoloft 11 years ago and have been taking it ever since no matter what Im wondering if the norcos somehow changed me? What happened to all my energy and enthusiam for life? I have 2 college degrees and work at a pizza place right now just to get by. I honestly dont know what happened to me. Every morning I want to feel great and tackle my day but Im just depressed or something. Trust me I AM NOT thinking about hurting myself or anything at all I just want to feel normal. I feel so alone because I read all these posts and people taking back charge of their lives and doing many new things but all I want to do is go home and sleep. Im totally broke but getting by right now and am just hopeing the old me will return soon. Am I the only one who feels like this? I know I only have 20 days clean but its the longest Ive ever had and thru GOD I am sober today and these last 20 days. Im just waiting for my life to get better and get me motivated again. Any help would be so much appreciated.

[Sonrissa]

Hi Norcodude! First of all congratulations on your 20 days! That is amazing!! I'm sorry you are not feeling great yet! You've just got to give it some more time! You were abusing them for a long time! It does get better! Keep moving forward! I have been clean for 50 something days, and I still have some tough days! I still have some sleep issues! Maybe you should talk to your doctor about the depression! Try getting some exercise, for me that really helped with the fatigue and the mood swings! I wish you all the very best! Don't give up hope, I pray things will turn around for you soon! You are not alone! We are always here with support! Big hug!!

[Bkitty]

Yes!! I know how you feel! Actually,,that is the reason that I continued to use/abuse pills. I couldnt deal with the depression/low motivation, etc. From what I have learned in NA and Aftercare (Im going to simplify it here) is that opiate abuse causes the chemicals in your brain to go haywire. The normal feel good chemicals that your brain produces are serotonin, nor epinehrine, epinephrine. When you start taking opiates your brain quits making these chemicals because the pills produce them. So your brain stops making them and gets lazy. So when you stop the pills your brain cant figure out what to do and it has to learn to produce those chemicals again on its own. Thats why you are feeling like this. It takes time for your brain to start making them again. I was also on an antidepressant for many years and took it along with the pills. I was told that the pills essentially cancel out the antidepressant. So I got no effects from it. I had to be started on a combo of antideppresants and a mood stabilizer to give my brain a boost. Not all members have to do this. This was what was best for me at the time. Im now weaning off them. Also, everything just felt weird without the pills. I had to relearn how to deal with life and it took a while before that became a comfortable natural feeling. It took me close to 30days. You have to keep pushing yourself. Its so hard I know but in time it will become normal and natural again. Hang in there and congrats on 20days!! ((hugs))~Bkitty

[Bones216]

Hi norcodude, you are doing great!
Recovery is a day by day marathon not a sprint. Just breathe. We have spent year overmedicating ourselves and we want instant gratification for the short time getting clean. I went through it, just as you are my friend.
It does get better every day. Be patient, the urges still come and go for me at day 48, and thank God I eliminated all of my sources for those evil pills.

Try and stay active. Find something to do, it really helps. Try walking, eating right and push yourself. Those are mind games you are going through currently. Your mind is saying take one pil and you will be more productive, energetic etc.... Don't listen, it to shall pass.
You can and will do this.
Best wishes
Bones

[Norcodude39]

Wow you guys are awesome. I know its only been 20 days but I read all these posts and see how people feel so much better in like 10 days. I know Im totally out of shape. I still look ok but I was a bodybuilder and cant wait to get the feeling back of going to the gym. I also know Im 39 and I remember the day I quit working out was the exact day I started abusing pills. They gave me the feeling that I dont need to workout anymore Im feeling awesome!! Well That was 2 years ago. Also did anyone get headaches in the back of their necks? It seems like at the end of my day Im getting these headaches and they dont go away until I sleep. I would alwas pop a few norcos in the past everytime I got them and In minutes I was high and no headache. It baffels my mind how much control they had over me and how I thought I could control them. Im taking my life back now and am scared to death to ever have to go through this again. I dont think I can do this again. I mean I tried and tried and relapsed and relapsed and would get a day or two clean but always went back for energy, a better mood, and just that damn euphoric feeling we all love so much. I do still wish I could only take 1 and be fine but I crossed that bridge many many times and know deep in my heart IM an addict and cant take any. 1 leads to 3, 3 leads to 5 and so on and so on. Its such a nasty rollercoaster ride Im am thankful to GOD everyday that Im clean and not craving them or needing them to function. I just wish I felt better and want to be myself again. I miss who I was. Im depressed because I want that more than anything right now and I just want to lay in bed. I wish this upon no one and hope someone out there will read these posts before its too late. Im hopeing Im helping someone out by posting and being honest because I lied to myself for way to long and this is where it got me. If I could only go back in time. lol. Thank you for responding through this sight AA/NA and GOD we can do and achieve anything!!! Just please tell me it gets better...lol

[Sonrissa]

It DOES get better! I sometimes get those kind of headaches! I put a cool washcloth on the back of my neck and it feels great and helps with the headache!  You have the right attitude! You know you can NOT take just one! You know what it would lead to and I know you do not want to start this all over again! Start working out as soon as possible! You will be amazed at how much that will help with lots of things! I don't work out, but I try to take a good walk every day! Keep getting support at the meetings and here too! And please, if your depression gets worse, talk to your doctor! Hang in there Norcodude! Stay strong, and there is always support here!

[dominosarah]

Congrats on 20 days clean!!  You really are doing great.  What you are feeling is very common, still suxs the big one i know but it is all part of the process.  I found my chiropractor to be a godsend during this time.  He got me all straightened out and the blood was flowing much better.  I felt like had sludge running thru my veins.  That would help also with the headaches.  Focus on the journey, not the destination~~

[Norcodude39]

You girls are absolutely amazing. Thank you so much. You have made me feel 10 times better I swear. Im kinda isolating myself lately on purpose because its easier to deal with my anxiety right now. I know I need to get out and do what I can but I also know my body is still healing. Godbless you all you are amazing people in my life right now and I look forward to reading this forum everyday. Thank you so much you are helping me save my own life!!!!!!

[selfinduced]

Hi Norco, The headaches,Oh those darn headaches. Those were my worst and lingering symptom and I found ice packs,alieve, and most of all massage helped. Good news is they did greatly subside around 20 days! Be careful of isolating too much, I completely understand what your saying, but seems the more active we are the quicker we heal. Also for me, throwing myself back into social things brought normalcy and confidence. Congrats on your 21 days!!!!

[scarlettbegonias]

Hey Dude :)

I am sooo feelin ya!! My brain just isn't right yet....still fatigued as hell, and i have been pushing myself to be social...it's rough.
And its SUMMER!!! gettin out in the hot sun ....with lotsa water/gatoraide...goin fishin , swimming, whatever....it helps.
I am soooo outta shape....its sad. So i have been eating super healthy...a lot of raw/living foods, protein shakes...no soda....and i'm down to 2-3 cigs a day!
I have been exercising at home for now, just to try and build strength....
Holy Crap! I tried Jump Roping.....if u wanna know the shape your in...try that! It DEF put things in perspective for me....I don't wanna be a weakling!!!

Have you seen the new show on TNT, Falling Skies ? its on tonight....google it and read about it....its crazy....To sum it up for you....its pretty much about being controlled by opiates....except in the show aliens attach these vertebrae to you filled with opiates to take over the human race......lol....Sound Familiar??? haha .....

Oh! And Remember.....

ALL GREAT CHANGES ARE PRECEEDED BY CHAOS :::::::::

p.s.......
today is day 21 for me too ..... take comfort in knowing you are not alone!
hughughug

Mama K.

[mary577]

It took about a month for me to feel completely better.   I didn't have any desire to take more hydros but I spent many days just laying across the bed, wondering if I would ever feel like getting up and doing anything.  I did get up and do some stuff, but I was certainly not the go getter I used to be.   I can finally say that after five weeks, I am much better.   Not exactly a go getter, but much better.   I am in my mid 60's so I really didn't expect to feel like 21 again, but I do feel better each day.   Congratulations on your progress so far....and don't give up the fight.   Concentrate on making yourself healthy....and you will surely feel better before long.

[lulu747]

Hey Dude!

SO happy to read that you've got 20 days!!!!  YAY!  What you are feeling is totally 'normal' (whatever normal is....(:)  PLEASE go get some exercise- it truly makes all the difference in the world.  I owe so much of my recovery to exercise.  You gotta keep moving and not let that chattery brain get you down.  The endorphins will be jumpstarted in your brain, and your self esteem will get a HUGE boost.  You gotta remember that recovery is a process and you can't rush the steps.  Getting sober and living sober mean learning how to live all over again.  You gotta crawl before you walk, walk before you run, run before you fly.  Speaking of running- whenever I feel the devil on my back I just go for a long run.  I wasn't too fast at first but I can outrun him now.
You deserve all the happiness in the world.  Keep up the awesome work.
Lu

[Notaslaveanymore]

Hey..I can relate with you and everyone here! This is my 12th (approx.) detox and Im only on day two,. The physical isnt so bad.,,Ive had way worse withdrawals..but its the mental thats scaring the hell out of me. Im so afraid of not being 'me' again. Hell,,,I was superwoman on those things,. Very energetic, productive, fun, social, omg...you name it. buts its a living hell that I am living alone. noone knows I relapsed...and its hell keeping it a seceret and doing it alone., Im afraid people will wonder why Im still "sick with flu-like stuff"..and why im not "myself" anymore. And im petrifried at the thought of feeling real emotion, as I have been masking some very bad emotions with a drug induced haze- I just got out of a 9 year relationship that was going to be the death of me and Im afraid of what my mind will start doing...so far I havent really 'felt" or dealth with it..... uuughhhhh.... Anyway...congrats on 20 days!!! Thats a hell of an accomplishment!

[kyle505]

Don't know if you remember but we are almost exactly the same as far as Norcos, the number of years - but I only used 8 to 10 a day.  So after 6 months of being clean I can tell you that you're pretty much on track. Keep in mind that the pills dominated our lives; our bodies and minds came to expect them every day for years on end. 20 days is fantastic, but doesnt quite measure up time wise to three years.
After the hell you went through you want "normal" now! I know I did. But I had to wait - sleep was an issue, lack of energy, anxiety.  I think I posted more about no sleep than I did when I was detoxing. I also found weekends to be hard because I always had pills to help me pass the time.
I'd say give it another week or two. Each day will get better; sleep returns and one morning you'll wake up excited about what an ordinary day has in store. Great job.

[IBKleen]

I know you don't want to hear this hun but you are right where you are supposed to be. Those "devil" pills as you so rightly called them give us a false sense of energy among other things. After we put the pills down it takes time to get our bodies back to where we are producing our own energy. Time is your friend and time is your enemy. I promise if you stick with it things will get better. They say 90 days to really begin feeling like our old selves again and I found that to be true in my case. It was the longest 90 days of my life but it was worth it. Try and be patient and it will come.

If it is at all possible to do some exercise you may find that it helps quite a bit. Even if you just go for a brisk walk you will find it beneficial and it may also make you tired and help with the sleep issues. It surely can't hurt and you owe it to yourself to try anything (within reason) to get back to your old self.

I am glad to see you posted and you are reaching out for help. that is wonderful. So hang in there and whatever you do---don't use!!

[Norcodude39]

Thank you all for the support and all the positive feedback. It seems like some days are hell and others are bareable. Im still waiting for that "good day" feeling? All of you have been so helpful and so kind I can only say thanks and one day at a time. Things in my life arent good right now but I wake up every morning and pray and Ive been able to get through my days without any pills, I cant tell you how much money Ive saved. Uggh I am looking forward to so much I just want this "blah" feeling to away and stay away. I think Its God showing me what I did to my body and to never forget it. Well I will never forget it. I had 10 days clean relapsed one day and now am at 21 days so 3 pills in 31 days and still feel like crap but life is so much better than looking for my next pill only to not get high anymore but feel normal. I will take it as it comes and get my *** back in the gym!!! I know thats what I really need. Thank you all and please keep commenting and I will as well...

[buncogirl003]

Check your inbox!!

Laurie

[4adifferentlife]

Dude, I think I see a spark of Joy in you!!
Don't worry about the "old you," that persons future was about to start using drugs, focus on a "a new and improved you."... I might suggest that you go to church, if you don't already, it definatly will not hurt you.. Only great days ahead, not perfect days, but great! We all have given the devil a free ride and free reign long enough,and he isn't worth it! GOD does hear and answer our prayers, in HIS time and HIS way...Keep the faith! Still praying for you! Congratulations!! On I guess now 21!

[Limcxo]

20 days is huge!!!! while it may seem like a mole hill to you it is surely a mountain in my eyes. it'll get better. Most people have the need for instant gratification....and life doesn't always naturally fulfill that. what helped me was thinking back to being a child and what i liked.......for example when dealing with withdrawal....i would tell myself.."ok get to 3 pm and then go get an iced coffee" little rewards for myself for just doing nothing. You see with pills we always find some sort of justification as to why we are taking them. Replace this with harmless, simple joys....i.e. iced coffee, ice cream...something that will stimulate your senses and reward your brain. Might sound simple, but it has helped me. Lastly, 20 days--huge, HUGE accomplishment.

[TheMadMan]

Your story and your accomplishments are something to be very proud of. Helping yourself any way you can is the start to a healthy mind and body. The want to do something that the drugs did not, is a great focus. Staying strong is the best medicine and doing what you are doing is the best medicine.
I have gone through detox from fentanyl 50mcg.alone with morphine for breakthrough pain. It was not helping my pain and when I realizes I was down to 108 pounds after looking in the mirror, it scared the hell out of me, so I saw no other choice to go cold turkey. It is now over 3o days clean and it was a rough road but I am doing better. Yesterday for the first time, I seemed to hit a wall of depression. I did not realize it was depression and could not snap myself out of it but tried. I went down to the beach with my wheelchair, put on my music that I like and really tried to get into in and did for the time being but still found myself feeling lousy when I came home. I have handle depression before and it is very annoying. For me I just have to ride it out each day. I don't take any medication for depression but I usually don't get depressed. I did not realize that this is part of the withdrawal I am going through and when that thought kicked in at least I understood why I felt the way I did. Knowing that, I just had to ride it out, but that is just me. It is very hard to get motivated when you feel this way. I wish just going to sleep would help get through the day sometimes but I understand the depression and lack of motivation you are feeling. I am feeling that also. I have to push myself daily to accomplish the house chores that are needed. My understanding of what the body goes through when detoxing is about the endorphins and what they do to help the body heal. It takes time for these endorphins to kick in but exercise is supposed to be the best way to kick these endorphins in to help the body heal. The lack of motivation is annoying and at times feels very helpless and I understand that. I am feeling that now but understand why which helps me know what my body is doing. Sometimes understanding why the body does what it does, helps the mind focus on why and that there can be a better focus of why. The depression and lack of motivation is extremely annoying but it will pass as the body heals. Understand your body is going through a lot right now and the side effects are annoying and hell to go through. I understand that. I can only offer to keep your mind focused on the things you want to accomplish. The daily accomplishments when you realize what you have accomplished will soon register. Look at what you have done already and have you patted your self on the back for what you have done. Have you looked at yourself in the mirror and said to yourself, I am proud of what I have done. I am a good person who belongs and I am a part of the world that needs me and I am proud to be a part of belonging. Find an accomplishment that you have done and really look at that and put the pride into high gear. Add some pride in what you have to what you have done. It may give you incentive to accomplish more things that you can add more pride to and feel better as a person that belongs to a world that needs you and the people around you. I know it is a rough feeling to go through and each day can be annoying but each day can be an accomplishment when you find something that you want to do  and have done it. Little things count. Waking up and making coffee to start the day. Looking outside to find the sunshine and if there isn't any, create something that will bring sunshine into your life. Keep the mind focused on something positive you have done. It doesn't have to be a world project, just something that gets you through the day. Then you can look back and say I made it through another day and you can add that accomplishment to your list of things you have done.
I wish I could offer more advise and hope you understand what I am trying to say. I know this has got to work for me and I have to make it work for me because I want it to. That is one accomplishment for me to be proud of and to get me through the day. Stay strong and focused and I sincerely wish you the best of luck and proud to know you have done so well. Your post is a message to people who need to understand and your reaching out and helping yourself is something to be very proud of and that is what caught my attention in reading your post. Job well done and thanks for listening. You are an inspiration to me and thanks for helping me understand that I am not alone and that there are people like you that can help people like me understand and feel the understanding you have accomplished. Keep up the good work and I know it will get better, it has to with every thing you have done and the mind will do the rest.
Thanks for listening....

[waterLilly7]

hey, first off, congrats on the 20 days!!! been 24 for me, and I am totally with you on all counts. It takes  a full month, so please, hang in and don't think that this crap will last forver. That was the hardest part for me even 5 days ago I thought it, "Oh dear God, what if this is different with me, and this horribel anxiety will never end????" HA! it does. I still get some, I have another week to go myself before I should be much better, and even at day 24 it's so much better htan just a few days ago. I could NOT go near a supermarket, OMG the anxiety, I couldn't even check my emial or anser the phone!!! I had to force myself to post here, and watch TV. I forced myself to do little things like cook something, and clean here and there, and really pushed to throw in a load of wash or clean the litterl box, it was like pulling teeth, and exercize is good, I know, but there was no way i could exercize last week, I couldnt even take the dog out, ok, but justa  few days has helped greatley. Still feeling under energy for usre, but at least I don't feel as if the world is coming to and end anymore, or that I am doomed, or that I will never be able to answer the phone again without fear, it is so much better now, in just these last few days.
Give it another ten days, then come and tell us fhow much better it is, and how great you feel, ok?
huge hugs,
Lily

[Norcodude39]

Wow thank you all for your support and advice. It means the world to me. I went to an AA meeting tonight and I am an alcoholic and I brought up pills and someone actually said lets keep it to alcohol. After the meeting 2 people came up to me and said dont listen to that guy hes an idiot and that they were both there to keep off pills. It was cool to have them there and I made friends and people suooprted me. It felt great!!!!

[On2better]

It's nice to hear that you are seeking local support! Lately when I've had the blahs, fatigue, or cravings, I just close my eyes and open my heart. God knows the desires of your heart, Norcodude. Let those desires speak for themselves and experience the chills you get as His spirit washes over you. It's amazing

[akitagurl12]

I know how you are feeling, I remember asking 'is this what sober is now' around day 20.  It's not.  Everything you are experiencing is normal.  Even though it doesn't take nearly as long for our bodies to come back from years of abuse, it still does take time.  I am actually really impressed that you went to a meeting.  That just goes to show your determination.  I am sure it was hard to get out of the house to go do that when you were feeling so bad, but you did!  Another thing you might want to look at is the zoloft.  I was on effexor and found that while taking all that vicodin, it was making the antidepressant not work like it was supposed to.  But after I got off the vicodin, I found that the antidepressant just wasn't for me.  It was causing alot of unmotivation and lack of energy.  It might still be too soon to tell, but maybe part of what you are feeling is the effect of the zoloft and maybe you just don't like that feeling.  Hang in there, better days are in store for you:)

[Norcodude39]

Thats totally possible. Maybe the anti-depressent isnt working like it should. But I remember when I went on them It took more than a month to feel better so Im just hopeing that maybe they will start working the same in a similar way? I know I need them as Ive been diagnosed with anxiety/depression. My anxiety gets really bad that the opiates must have been masking it because I totally feel it now.I just want one good day and be able to accomplish things. Im still going to work and doing what I need to but damn I feel like crap all the time. Ugghh. Dont get me wrong Im feeling much better than I was 2 weeks ago but I still dont believe im feeling normal yet at least I hope this isnt normal. People at work are always asking now why Im sad and If I feel like crying and what happened to the outgoing person I was on pills. They of course dont know but I do. I just say Im not feeling well but damn after 22 days youd think Id be feeling some comfort. This is something I will never forget!!!!!