26 yr old mom/10-20mg Methadone habit/needs support!!

[amomnwifesecret]

like many other members, ive been reading these forums for quite a while. everything i do is recreational...never had a script in my name....i quit cold turkey a 2 month long morphine habit in 06. took whatever i wanted and when i wanted it before my secong pregnancy in 07-08. spring 09-heavy on recreational methadone and tylenol 4's. quit both in march 2010 for 2 weeks...dont know what i was thinking....i took them again bc my house was a wreck and that was the only way could get it done and interact with my family.  i thought- ill take it for a few days and go back to quiting...that didnt happen...well- i dont have a determined amount i take. sometimes i dont take it for a few days...sometimes i take 10 mgs one day and sometimes i take 30mgs the next. so- its complicated. looking back thru my 4 yr olds pics and baby book has made me realize i can have my 26 yr old life without this and i want it so bad. i was a crafty, creative, fun, outgoing, play-date kinda mom...im still the best mom i can be and the best wife i can be. just not what i used to be. i really want someone who is in my shoes to relate and talk to. i know there is someone out there. i can be of great support to someone and in return would greatly appreciate theirs. are their any young moms out there with a big secret like mine? do u wanna quit like me?....NO ONE knows about this. ive wanted to tell so many people. so thanks to all who are listenin.

[amomnwifesecret]

well- its day 2. i quit methadone wendsday. so- im still in the beginning of a very well known experience. i love the holidays and its going to be sooo hard to get through them happy without it. but yeah- ill shake on ur deal. no pills for the weekend. :)

[amomnwifesecret]

yeah- ive been hearing bout tapering and all that..not sure how to go about doing that. cuz im already not on a set amount...some days i take 30 mg at a time...then sometimes i got a few days with nothing and take only 10. so its confusing for me. ive went throught 2 weeks of no methadone and it was definately the energy crash and depression. i couldnt pick up my kids and i couldnt even walk through the store without almost passing out. thats the only reason i took it again....thought id get the house cleaned back up then stop takin it again. thanks for all of the advice...its greatly appreciated.

[gnarly_1]

HI....well  on the bright side your habit is not that large  on the not so bright side its methadone .....if you taper off and get down to around 5mg jumping ship is doable
it the recovery time with methadone that makes it such a monster to get off of
after the withdrawals you get hit with an energy crash that can be debilitating
expect at lest a month of this I came off a lot more 150mg with a 6 1/2 yr habit on it
it was 90 days for me to start to get well...good nutrition is important I recommend
whey protein shakes ...there loaded with vitamins essential amino acids as well as the protein all of witch the brain needs to heal....you can pick it up at walmart for 15 bucks the chocolate flovor is good all you do it mix it with milk drink 2 a day this will help a lot with the energy crash...that and God and time you will eventually get over it....methadone is a lot harder to get off of then most pain pills but it is doable keep poting for support good luck and God bless.....Gnarly  

[throwindatowl]

Dont dread this weekend. I know how you could. This is an important weekend. Im always so temped when friday comes around or a got money in my pocket. I used to blow about $200 between friday night and making sure monday morning wasnt h ll on earth. Not this week for me and for you. Be glad. Not sure how many days you got but I do  know your one day closer to feeling better.Make ya a deal. No pills for me this weekend and no pills for you. I promise youll be feeling better any minute.
  To duluthguy- I did the same. Told the dealers where they could stick that pill bottle! They are always so fake. Pretending to care. What BS. Ive done the math man. They DO NOT want me to quit. I paid  their rent every month!!!

[duluthguy]

The only other thing i did was make sure all avenues of aquiring pills was cut off. I cannot think of one person or way I could get a pill, so I know i cannot.... It's over, come what may... good luck to you to, we will be clean monday!!

[amomnwifesecret]

ahhh i know the feeling..i hate mondays...good luck to u to get thru the weekend....and i will b here.. lol. i have to check in...this website is all i have in means of support and encouragement....:)

[duluthguy]

I did the same thing last time, didn't use the website just read the posts... And I am GLUED to this site, i won't be able to be on much during the weekend, but will be back with a passion come monday! This is my first weekend too, last friday was such a nightmare, cut it too close but managed to secure my fix til monday if I cut back severely on sunday... oh what a horrid life... It isn't easy but the end result is so worth it!! Keep it up and have a great weekend!! Find something to keep them devilish tempting thoughts away.... take care and god bless

[amomnwifesecret]

yeah- this is friday...the weekend is here...this will be the first weekend in forever that im not gonna spend friday tryin to get pills to last me through the weekend....ive always done that...looked forward to my weekends...well- i am dreading this one. my way of life is changing right now. my mind is all over the place....one thing that keeps me going is knowing this website is here and everytime i log in i get anxious to see if i have  mail or a reponse to my post...maybe some words of wisdom or someone congratulating me. i used the website the last time i went through this but didnt make an account...just come on to read what others were saying...so- im hoping for a better trip this time....thanx

[duluthguy]

Good for you!! I was terrified of the physical wd's... It is so horrible for me, i'm glad it was so much shorter this time around... And as an addict, there is always an excuse to start up, a good day, bad day, time to celebrate, time to relax, there are so many many triggers that crop up at our weakest moments... I hope we can laugh about this in a few months, clean and happy!! thanks for the uplift and stay strong!!

[amomnwifesecret]

i just noticed i didnt say in my last post that i am quitting for sure. the last time i took methadone was 7pm wendsday. 10 mg. so- we will c. feeling kinda icky. im not scared of the physical withdrawal symptoms...been there done that..im TERRIFIED of the emotional ups and downs and the depression. been there and done that also and thats what led me back into the trap.

[duluthguy]

I just wanted to give you a quick comment. I'm a father of many children, a wonderful wife that doesn't know yet, i'm just past 48 hours and doing ok... The first time i told my wife was last may, i quit CT and lasted about 5 weeks- My wife does not know i started up again, not a clue! I feel like a hopeless loser but i do want to be a good father and husband, i hate this secret life that i live! But I am going to tell my wife tonight, i need her to help me, so as hard as i know she will take it, for better or worse, i'm not going to continue to live this lie. She will not trust me after this, which will help me- It's the last string i have still attached to them pills and it needs to be cut... I do have a meeting scheduled tonight with my pastor- And hope to gain strength there- I dunno if this helps, just my experience to this point- good luck, i really have confidence you will do the right thing

[throwindatowl]

I know what your saying. Gettin back to old you. Im tryin to get the old me back. Ive tried and quit roxis for about two years. Just comming off a relaspe of two weeks and am on day 4. Im feeling petty good.  those things you wrote about yourself, re-read it. Close your eyes and see that person. Im a dad not with my ex if she knew oh man! not good. So its now or never. Just a little support from someone that really wanted more than anything to be the very best parent I can be. Kids grow up so fast. Ive lost alot of time already being high and selfish. Im 34. Dont wait that long. Good luck! If you really want it have faith in yourself and dont make a mountain out of a mole hill. Ha. Stupid saying but its true.