2weeks down

[Seanimanadict]

Whew it has had its moments for sure. Day 3,4,5 and 13 have been the worst yet. I probably slept a total of 4 hours total on these days. Still battling the rls almost nightly but some days are definitely worse than others. Other than sleep deprived I feel OK but my wife keeps saying my eyes are dialated a lot is this normal for 2 weeks as I haven't payed a lot of attention to it in my past WD attempts. When she says this it makes me feel like she's not believing my choice to stay sober. I guess also BC I did tell her yes I do think about using a lot but also explained to her I definitely don't want to use ever again . I tried to explain triggers and that I'm not really positive what mine are yet I'm sure there's several.I also told her that me thinking about using is just the addict mentality and reassured her that I don't want to mainly BC I don't wanna start all over this time, I just want it as far as possible away from me. I understand where she's coming from  for sure but I definitely think that s a trigger when she says that about my pupils. Is the pupils thing normal? I just want her to have faith in me but like I said I know where she's coming from BC of the past but I don't live there anymore and definitely not trying to move back, thanks just venting I guess and pretty delirious at this point from sleep deprivation,  Sean

[gnarly_1]

Hi  congrats on 2 weeks.....your post screams addict all over it  and thats ok if your willing to do what it takes to stay clean....addiction will not just go away just because you stopped the pills....the addict that lives in your head is alive and well...you need a program of recovery to learn how to deal with both triggers and cravings  your not responsible for the craving  but you are responsible for the response  aftercare is a critical part of recovery and most of us with a bit of clean time will tell you it takes a program of recovery  for me N/A has been the majic bullet  it is free  the meetings are only a hour long and it will give you a safe plase to share what is going on in your head  the pills are not the problem  there our squered solution to the way we feel  it is a thinking disease that is out to kill you with time and working the steps you will learn how to live life on lifes terms  you will also develop real ''clean'' friend in the progam for support  this is a critical part of recovery  the only way to do this wrong is to try and do it alone  this is a ''we'' progam not a ''i'' progam  it will also show your wife your doing every thing possible to stay clean....nothing changes if nothing changes google a N/A meeting in your area..................Gnarly....................

[jethro733]

Dilated pupils are completely normal.    

Congratulations on two weeks too.  As far as triggers go there's a good acronym for it which sums up some ballpark situations.  HALT.  Hungy, Angry, Lonely, and Tired ...  I'd also add Happy to the H, as when we feel great is when the first hurdle of "Just one more time" will likely kick in.

[pillguy]

The dilated pupils was normal for me, particularly the first week.  

[meegWpaw]

hi Sean congratulations on 2 weeks!  that is fantastic!  the first part of recovery is always hard.  i'm not sure about the pupils thing either.  in my aftercare / treatment program, they say that we as addicts have to prove ourselves to our loved ones b/c we have lost their trust.  hope you can sleep and congrats again!