32 weeks pregnant and this has got to be the end

[NeedsToStop8]

I have been taking pain pills for about 5 years now. A 7.5 would get me high for about a year or 2 and then when I met my husband it got worse. He liked taking them on the weekends, just for fun just like I was doing. We had a great hook up so they were always available. We would take hydro or percocet 10's on the weekends and then none throughout the week. Of course it got worse and then we were on to taking them ALL the time. The money we spend on these things are ridiculous. I found out I was pregnant in June 2011. I stop taking them for a week because I was so high off the fact we were having a baby and didnt want to do anything to hurt it. We decided to get 4 perc 10's one night and then never take them again. He had 2 I had 2. Well that started the roller coaster back over. Since I have had a healthy pregnancy and the baby is growing exactly like he is suppose to (he is actually measuring a week bigger than he is suppose to be) it made me feel like it was OK and the baby wasn't being affected by all of this. I know I shouldnt be taking pain pills and  the only problem I have found is risking the baby being addicted and going thru withdrawal once it is born. I want to stop my last 8 weeks to ensure baby be born pain free. Today is my first day without a pill. My doctors have no clue I take these pills. I go to all my appts and everythings is always great. I have had a 4d ultrasound and he is the prettiest little boy EVER. His heart, kidneys, all his organs are perfect via ultrasound. I just know this has to be the end of it all. I can't take anymore. I have tried my whole pregnancy to quit and never made it past day 1. My husband and I have talked and we are doing this together. We know in order to have a healthy baby this can not go on! I have been taking up to 30mg of hydro's or percs a day. Whichever we had. I take 15 mg at a time mostly a dose in the morning and a dose at night. Some days 45mgs but that is only like once a week. I do chew the pills when I take them to get a faster high. This is the first time I have admitted this and I feel terrible just writing it. I feel like I can't get up in the mornings without a pill just to clean, cook, play with my daughter or even have a good day. I have went maybe 2 days without a pill through my whole pregnancy and I do have withdrawals but I dont think they are as bad as most go through. I think mine is more mental and that is where my problem is. The physical is not great tho, I dont want to do anything, even be nice! And of course I am the sweetest person EVER when im high. No one knows about this besides my husband. I just need to STOP and I am so scared of not getting high anymore!!!!! I dont need preaching on withdrawals and pre term labor, or that I need to talk to my doctor. I am no doing that. I have tried weening myself off by cutting down the mgs everyday and I always do good until I am about done and then I just give up and do 15mgs again. I have to quit cold turkey there is no other way, I just need support, someone that was in my shoes. I hate these things, they consume my life, I live around them and this has to be the end...it has to be!!!!!!

[Bkitty]

Hi and welcome! I wont preach to you but I was wondering if you are aware that they check the babies first meconium for drugs,,they can go back pretty far. What will you do if that happens/ I would hater for social services to get involved and have to do an investigation,,its different for every state but the drug test on the meconium is pretty standard. It may be in your best interest overall to tell you OB doctor. Just a thought. ~Bkitty

[NeedsToStop8]

Hey, in my state they dont test the babies unless there is a problem at birth. I am hoping to avoid this but I will be clean when my son is born and so willhe. I am DETERMINED! Thank you for your thoughts :)

[dominosarah]

Welcome to the forum.

I am not going to preach to you but i am going to tell you a few things that i hope you will listen too.  It is very important that you DO tell your OB.  The baby will be tested at birth and if opiates are found in walks CPS.  The doctors and nurses need to know this in case the baby is having wd.  Stopping cold turkey is hard on this baby.  What you feel, he feels.  Please do what is right for both you and this baby.  Addiction is a mental game and we do preach aftercare here. There are many forms of aftercare, NA/AA, therapists, addiction counselors, ministers etc.  Have you thought about this at all?  Using is just a symptom of what is going on with you.  You dont have to be a prisoner to these pills anymore.  I hope you stick around here~~~sara

[NeedsToStop8]

No testing done on babies in my state. I know this for sure. Sad to say I have had plenty of friends who have smoked marijuana the day before labor and had babies and went home without incident. The only way they test you, is if you tell them or it looks to be a problem. Most doctors say you need 3-4 weeks to ween off pain pills before birth to have a baby free of withdrawal. I have 8. I know I am going to get this again and again but I am not telling my doctor and I am now going to the doctor every 2 weeks soon to be every week to check on baby. I can do this and I will!

[Texas50881234]

I guess I don't understand what u are asking for since you said you aren't telling your doctor and you don't want thear that it is bad for the baby etc.   You obviously know it is harmful to the baby.

My support for you would include telling you how dangerous this is and your doctor needs to know what's going on so he can prepare for any complications arise. You and your husband have a choice in wether you put these pills in your body. Unfortunately your baby doesn't get that choice.

You now have another life you are responsible for and you two owe it to him to be the best parents you can be. Just because everything looks ok on the sonograms doesn't mean it is. That test can't show what long term problems could be there (learning disabilities, speech and hearing issue etc)

Please get honest with your dr and yourself and realize just how serious this is.

[vicki595]

I hope you ARE successful with this although I have my doubts...

You speak of testing meconium...what about testing you??   Are you aware that in most hospitals it is simply a standard of care to do a tox screen on EVERY new mom?  Yours best be clean at that time....if it isn't, they WILL test meconium and that test goes all the way back to 20 weeks gestation.

I'm not sure what you're looking for here....support?  Not from this gal...not if your plan is to cold turkey and keep this a big,fat secret from the people who need to know...God help you.

[MD75]

Your biggest fear is the baby will go thru withdrawl, and it will.  If the nurses suspect anything, and it is easy to pin point the withdrawl babies then they will test the baby.  I would talk to your doctor, they will not judge like you think they will...I am sure they have seen way worse.  You need to wean off these NOW.  Stopping cold turkey can hurt the baby, even possibly cause a miscarriage or early labor.  Please seek medical advice and let them give you a weaning schedule....it will be the best thing for that precious baby that you already love.  Let your love for that baby give you strength over the pills.  You can private message me or friend me if u want to talk more.  I worked in a maternity unit for years and I have seen everything.  I don't and wont judge you...I am on here for the same reason as you...only about 8 - 10 Norcos daily.  Reach out and you will get the help you need, if not medically than definately emotionally.  Good luck and congrats.
~Shelly~

[NeedsToStop8]

I am not trying to be stubborn folks. I love this baby with all my heart and honestly I dont think any problems will arise in the long term aspect. I know people who are prescribed more pain meds by there obgyn than I take without a prescription. I am looking for support. I will be clean when I go into labor so as far as child care services go, I dont need any advice on that. What is done to me and baby is already done, there is nothing I can do to change it. I am looking for support in just leaving these things alone! I have 8 weeks to stay clean and have a healthy baby! I am sorry if some of you get mad because I am not telling my doctor, it is my choice. I am quitting cold turkey and I am praying that all is well. If yesterday was my last and it stays my last until delivery I hope all will be well. I am planning on breastfeeding for atleast 6 months and I never ever wanna start these things again....EVER, just please respect what I am doing and give me advice, not lectures.

[ImDONENoMore]

Your attitude is awful.  That might be something to start with.

[Bkitty]

Hi there again,,im just curious about something,,how do you know that you are not putting you unborn baby in danger? What makes you justify that? Is it because you are relying on what you have heard or read? I just think to be really safe about this you need to tell your OB doctor. You cant rely on someone elses experience or what you have read. I think you are still somewhat in denial.You are putting your baby at risk if you cold turkey off the drugs. If it were me,,I wouldnt take that chance of making my baby suffer.You are only thinking about yourself and not the baby. I dont mean at all to be harsh,,please dont take this that way. I genuinely care about you. You can do this. Just be safe and rational. ~Bkitty

[vicki595]

Your entire thread gives me pause.

At this moment, I am looking over at my beautiful daughter with the knowledge that I have never done ONE thing to hurt her.

Having that unborn child inside of you should be ENOUGH support for you. If it isn't, what in the hell do you expect of us?  Respect you say? Advice?

LEAVE THE PILLS ALONE!  There's the best advice anyone can give you.

[Texas50881234]

I'm sorry but I have to agree with the other posters. You have absolutely no idea how these have affected or will affect your unborn child.  You claim you want support but yet you only want to hear what you want to hear.

Unfortunately for you (but great fir ur baby) our support comes with the advice of seeking out medical help from your doctor. Would you willingly hand someone a knife and let them cut your baby- tell them not to cut him bad enough to kill him - just hurt him a little. Years down the road there will be a scar to remind u of how stupid a decision u made in handing the knife to someone. Well that's exactly what u are doing now.

Please please please do not hurt an innocent baby because you are being stubborn. YOU HAVE ANOTHER LIFE YOU ARE NOW RESPONSIBLE FOR!!!  Stop being selfish and do what is right.

[Ashelen]

Most drug tests are not mandated by state laws, but differ from hospital to hospital, from OB practice to OB practice....marijuana, I'm afraid, is a much different animal than prescription pain pills and while it's possible for some women to walk home with their baby with no CPS involvement after showing positive for marijuana....pills will not have the same outcome in 90% of the cases.

You really have to tell your OB...I can't tell you how many women I've spoken with/counseled through this, and every one of them (well most of them are) is resistant to telling her OB, but I have NEVER heard of a bad outcome when a woman and her OB work together to make sure the baby is healthy.

Because that's what it comes down to...honestly, it doesn't much matter if you get into trouble or not...it's all about baby's health at this point. What happens if you quit and go into labor tomorrow?

BUT...since you aren't going to listen..good luck. I hope the withdrawals don't put you into early labor, and I hope you realize that your baby feels everything you feel....and with that in mind, do everything you can to be comfortable as the drugs leave your system. Unfortunately, being pregnant, that means you can take tylenol and warm baths and vitamins and not much else....so short of telling your doctor and having them help you wean or give you medicines that will help alleviate the symptoms, all you and the baby can do at this point is hold on tight and wait to feel better.

I'm pregnant with my 3rd child, and I've had to take (prescribed, monitored) pain medicine with all 3 pregnancies of varying strengths and regularity because of kidney, back, and neurological issues...I have a lot of experience talking with women going through pill usage during pregnancy both prescribed and illegal, and I've been through the ringer myself...so I'm not just talking out of the side of my mouth here....the best thing really is to talk to your doctor. It's great to pray that all will be well, but wouldn't you rather work with someone who can help you ENSURE that all will be well?

Anyway..lecture done I suppose. best of luck...get some epsom salts for your baths, but remember not to make them too hot.

[adgal]

I came across this and do wish to comment. I don't often post here as I respect this forum and I am not an actually in recovery myself. However, when I see a post like this, I feel the need to comment. Not a lecture, just something I know to be true and may help encourage you to speak to your Dr.  I work with Social Services and very closely with CPS. Most of the  families I work with are coping with and dealing with addiction.  Included in that are so many pregnant moms trying to do exactly what you are - get clean.  So first I want to commend you for making this decision.  I am rooting for you.  But I also just want to tell you that for the pregnant moms I work with, when they tell their OB, things tend to have a happy ending. Yes, sometimes it does bring about CPS involvement, however, CPS prefers a child to stay with it's mother, and it mom is working hard to get and/or stay clean, they rarely will remove the child.  There has to be other issues as well, such as neglect, etc.  However, if a baby shows signs of withdrawal at birth, and the Dr's were not made aware that the baby could be born addicted, it's different.  The reason is, if the medical team delivering knows, they can be prepared to help baby through any potential withdrawals.  If they don't know, it can create a whole extra set of problems. So withholding that information can be considered neglect in itself, and bring about further investigation. They also take it as a sign that mom is not trying to deal with her addiction, but rather hide it.  

I am telling you this in hopes of encouraging you to do what the others are saying.  Please tell your Dr.  Withdrawing on your own while pregnant is not typically considered a very safe thing to do.  And if baby is born addicted, he will need that extra help that a prepared medical team can offer him.  Again, not a lecture.  Trust me, I don't judge and I have dealt with and seen far worse situations then you are going through.  This can all be ok, and you don't have to go through it alone.  Best of luck to you.

[NeedsToStop8]

Adgal and Ashelen- Thank you for your advice :) I am going to play it day by day and if it gets to where I know im not going to make it, then I will call the doctor. I know I havnt been able to quit thus far, but I am hoping this is the time that I do. I also know that if I only have 8 weeks left and I start these things again, then I can't do it on my own and I will have to accept that. I WILL NOT let my baby go through withdrawals when he is born without medical care. If I can not stop then I will let the doctor know. I have a 10mg hydro left. I just took half of it and am going to take the other half tomorrow. Then its no more. I would have love to taken the whole thing and gotten high, but im trying to be serious here. Im sorry if I come off with an attitude, and im glad some of you would NEVER do a thing to hurt your children, I feel the same way. These things just have a hold on me and if your not here to support and give me advice then please do not comment. I came here and wrote this post so that I could have support, not be told what I already know. Its crazy, these pills, I drank beer everyday, smoked weed everyday and smoked a pack of ciggs a day before I found out I was pregnant and I quit every single one of those and have stayed quit, its just the pills have got me hooked. I am trying my hardest and I know that if I make a decision to be done, then all I have to do is NOT do them. I have called all my hookups and told them to please not call me when they are getting rid of pills, that I am done with them and wont be buying anymore.

[theirmommie72]

it's really sad when you have to explain yourself like that when all you were looking for was advise.  you shouldn't have to.  just ignore all the assumptions and do your best.  you know what to do and you know what is right if you are not able to succeed.  good luck to you.  

[NeedsToStop8]

Thanks theirmommie72.....I needed to hear that!

[novics]

Being a guy, I was not going to comment here in your particular thread because there is baby involved, but if you need any help in quitting, I would be happy to help in any way.

[batface1000]

you should quit using suboxone or subutex. its buprenorphone and if you already have been taking opiates thru your pregnancy a few days on them will wean you off the opiates without the pain of withdrawl. talk to your doc. about it. also if you are uncomfortable go to a totally new phychiatrist and tell them your problem and they can prob give you a couple just to get clean without shocking the baby by going cold turkey. suboxone and the like are much safer, they gave them to my cat when he had kidney failure... but most of alll be safe. i love opiates and i do about 15 times the amount you do every day and i would really be careful if i got pregnant. wouldnt want to put this on anyone else.

[adgal]

I'm so happy you took my comments in the way I intended.  As I said, no judgement here.  And honestly, I would never in a million years attempt to influence anyone on how best to fight this battle.  I know I haven't been there personally, so I wouldn't do that.  However, your situation is a bit different as you are expecting.  And it's obvious you love this baby and want what is best for him.  I think that shows in your posts.  So the reason I am trying to convince you to talk to a Dr. is because, well, in all honesty, it is dangerous for him that you are attempting to wean yourself on your own.  The agency I work for has a women's health clinic, so our on staff OB's are very familiar with this and deal with it regularly.  I know that they are very careful and cautious in how they wean pregnant women.  They do not want them to experience strong detox symptoms because the baby feels it far more then then the mother.  So it can be dangerous. And I would not want you to do this for your baby only to discover you have done more harm then good, know what I mean?  So it's in the spirit of genuinely caring that I strongly strongly urge you to do this with proper medical supervision.  I know they send lot's of our moms to be into inpatient detox at facilities that specialize in this.  

I have a suggestion for you that might help.  There are lot's of agencies like mine out there who are able to help you do this safely AND confidentially.   They can work through this with you while protecting that baby.  Still, the issue remains.  If 8 weeks isn't long enough (and I don't know the answer to that), then baby could still suffer withdrawals.  Even babies born to cigarette smoking moms go through some withdrawal.  So you need to make sure that that will not be the case so that your medical team is able to help the baby.  But perhaps a women's health clinic where they deal with this sort of thing might help put your mind at ease, and still do what is best for your son?  They are out there, you just have to do a little research.  Think of the peace of mind you will have.  I truly do wish you well, honestly I do. I know this isn't easy and again, I commend you for dealing with this.  Take care.

[Free_ovitall]

You best tell your doc NOW. They will find out anyway when the baby is born.

That is, IF you can't stop taking them.  Using suboxone/subutex to quit is bad advice. It's trading a now small problem  for a much bigger one.

Try taper down for a couple days or so then quit CT. That should make it easier.
You should tell your doc anyway, and don't leave it to the last minute. That way he/she can monitor your progress and prepare for the worst if you fail.

Hydro's are one of the hardest opiate formulations to quit, so tapering will probably be your best bet, and cause a minimum amount of withdrawal discomfort for both of you. It just takes will power mostly the tapering way, yawning, watery eyes, and some anxiety will be the worst of it over a 5-7 day period. You've probably felt that  many times during dry spells.

Good luck, just stick with it and you will do fine.

[rnangel]

Hi and welcome to the form. As you may have noticed, addicts in recovery are the most truthful and genuine people you'd ever meet. We are not interested in judging or moralizing your addiction as it will have no impact on your sobriety.

You have clearly expressed love for your baby and heartfelt intention to provide him with security and comfort. You are right about not being able to change what was and there is no point focusing on what the future may hold for him. What's important is that you grasp an accurate perception of your addiction and begin planning your recovery today. I hear many people concerned about your minimizing the actual and potential consequences of your addiction. This is evidence that you are not accepting full responsibility and accountability for your actions. Denial is a normal coping mechanism that falsely protects us from experiencing deeply painful emotions. Unfortunately, you must explore and acknowledge the emotions attached to your reasons for using.

Many of us have been down the road of secrecy. It's a lonely journey that ends in relapse. You need to find personal meaning in your recovery. Sobriety for 8 weeks is a short term goal that is motivated by fear of being discovered. Once your son is born your reason to stay clean is lost. Loving your children is not enough to keep you clean. No doubt you love your daughter but still use.How will the birth of your son make things different for you?

For the past 5 years you have been altering the reward system in your brain. It's conditioned to release feel good chemicals when you use your DOC or partake in addictive behaviors. These pathways are well defined and unable to analyze thoughts and feelings. They don't care that that you need to a loving and responsible mother. They don't even care if you fail to meet your basic needs for survival. They are high traffic areas for cravings and willpower is only a temporary roadblock.

It's your choice to tell your doctor or not. I understand how difficult that is. Been there. But for me I didn't have the choice. She was informed by my addiction's specialist when I was mandated to rehab. The lesson in humility was necessary for me to accept what I was and how I got there. I strongly encourage you to seek medical advice on how to best manage withdrawl given your condition. I suspect you will not be advised to taper as the pills are not prescribed. When I was working as a public health nurse I've seen doctor's mostly recommend cold turkey in an inpatient rehab. It's very important to maintain adequate hydration and nutrition. Monitoring your blood pressure as you detox is important for detecting pre-eclampsia.

At the very least you will need some type of aftercare...NA meetings, a sponsor and/or counsellor are foundational if you are to safeguard your recovery longterm. The fact that your husband is also an addict puts your recovery in jeopardy. If he does not stay clean you will be living with a constant trigger to use. We are on your team and want to see you make it. You are young and have the potential to live a healthy, happy life. Our suggestions are based on lived experience and have your best interest at heart. Please keep us updated on how you are doing. Take care.

[lynnalb15]

Hunny. I was in your shoes. I wasn't taking them my whole pregnancy but started at35 weeks and
Had a week and a few days relapse. I felt so terrible. And
I know you dot wana hear it but I had to come clean to my dr. And she was amazing
Put it in my notes and
I had no issues. Baby was born healthy as can be. But if I hadn't quit when I did and came clean to my ob

[lynnalb15]

Who knows what could have happened. I didn't want
To get her taken from me and I think the actions I took and the prayers I prayed helped a lot. Please just think about it. Cause when it comes down to it the baby is most important. I hope you get thru this and have an amazing pregnancy. Message me if u need.