4 years later and I'm back. same drug, same withdrawal

Question

A few years ago I was taking xanax that I was buying from a friend for my debilitating anxiety. When she was out, I was out and the cold turkey withdrawal set in. I wasn't under dr supervision and it was a nightmare. This forum definitely helped me through what was one of the worst experiences in my life. That's why I'm back. 
I've been back on xanax which I've actually been prescribed and have a dr assisting me with it. I've been on the .25mg for about 3 years now. My panic disorder was so severe I was homebound. It was awful. Things were fine until i took a stressful job and started needing my xanax more and more. I was being prescribed 75 of the .25mg to last me 25 days....recently they've barely lasted. I haven't been abusing them to get high, just to calm the horrible panic. Which probably was actually that vicious cycle of withdrawal between doses. I started having to take 3 pills at a time to calm down. 
I'm trying to taper down and my dr is helping but the withdrawal still *****. Since saturday I've been horribly nauseated, having terrible headaches, anxious, chest pains, shaking, no appetite and just feeling incredibly ill. Saw my dr monday...no health issues. I was skeptical of withdrawal until today when I was feeling the absolute worst that i decided to test it out. I took 2 pills and within 20 min I was feeling pretty good. Not great but much better. So.. looks like withdrawal is the culprit after all.
My dr gave me 8mg of zofran for the debilitating nausea...it's taking the edge off but I'm not doing great. I'm terrified about work tomorrow....I can't sleep at all and I have no idea how I'll be able to function. I can't call off, I'll be fired thanks to a very strict attendance policy but I was able to use vacation time for Thursday and friday. Hoping 4 days is enough time to adjust to the taper. 
Just needed to vent but any tips on getting through work or easing my misery would be welcome

gnarly_1 · Answer

Hi Erin I remember you....you went threw a awful time getting off this crap last time....xanex is particularity hard because it hits it own brain receptor different from other benzos.....it is also short acting and you can defanetly feel it work but more so the coming down and withdrawal from it.....im so happy to here a doctor is involved ....when I detoxed off it my doctor slowly switched me to clonapine a long acting benzo....I highly recamend this approach...also knowledge is power if your havent yet look up dr aston from great britan she is the world leading doctor in benzopines she has tapers, switching benzos and a wealth of information you NEED to read.....anyway where still out here for you so post any questions you may have.....benzos are no fun coming off of but if a old dope fiend like me can kick anyone can....will walk you threw the whole process
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Gnarly<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

NeverAgain127 · Answer

I don't know your financial situation but no amount of money is worth it if the stress is killing you.  

Do you have a nest egg saved up?  Could you find another less stress filled job?  Your health has to come first, second and third behind a job.  I know its scary to be without income, but it sure sounds as if this job is wreck you..

Hang in there...

gnarly_1 · Answer

Hi  well benso detox su cks  it is good your doctor is on board  xanex is the only benzo with its own receptor in the brain  making it harder then the others to detox off off   this is something you have to go really slow at  I came off 4mg a day and it was a ruff few months  just know it can be done  just take your time and stick to the taper no yo/yoing your dose up and down keep posting for support
..................................Gnarly....................................

erin626 · Answer

II'm on my lunch break at work but I can't eat. Too sick. I was so sick earlier that I had to take xanax to get through. It helped but I'm still not great. That's the strange thing I've noticed about benzos...once the withdrawal starts the meds only do so much for the symptoms.  I've got zofran for the nausea but its barely taking the edge off. I start cbt on monday actually which is why I'm being stepped down. My job has got incredibly high anxiety levels. My xanax usage sky rocketed once I started this job...it pays well but I'm thinking it's not worth it with the hell I'm going through now because of it. Ive only got 3 1/2 hours left at work then I'm off for 4 days which will be nice. I think being home on my couch with netflix will help a bit.
Exercise scares me right now. I feel so nauseous and sick...but it's worth a shot. I'm not in full blown withdrawal like the last time but I'm still very miserable. Very anxious and on edge and just feel so, so sick. Not fun.

erin626 · Answer

II'm on my lunch break at work but I can't eat. Too sick. I was so sick earlier that I had to take xanax to get through. It helped but I'm still not great. That's the strange thing I've noticed about benzos...once the withdrawal starts the meds only do so much for the symptoms.  I've got zofran for the nausea but its barely taking the edge off. I start cbt on monday actually which is why I'm being stepped down. My job has got incredibly high anxiety levels. My xanax usage sky rocketed once I started this job...it pays well but I'm thinking it's not worth it with the hell I'm going through now because of it. Ive only got 3 1/2 hours left at work then I'm off for 4 days which will be nice. I think being home on my couch with netflix will help a bit.
Exercise scares me right now. I feel so nauseous and sick...but it's worth a shot. I'm not in full blown withdrawal like the last time but I'm still very miserable. Very anxious and on edge and just feel so, so sick. Not fun.

refills · Answer

Erin you are to be commended to the highest degree. Robin has given you great advice directly above. Taking Xanax (any benzo) even as a doctor ordered for any length of time and then stopping will be problematic. You have to stop and think. Did your new job create more anxiety for you or is this just what taking xanax does? Maybe both. You do need more and more to do the same job as the first pill did.  Well I think you already know that. 

So here we are regarding going back to work. It's tough to say not knowing your particular job. Just don't be fooled by the smaller amount you were taking. Benzo withdrawal in different people act differently. I suggest a doctor on board will help you in WD and your job. Get a professional. They can be a better mouth-piece than yourself. You should really consider some form of  care for your anxiety. CBT can help you as other methods as well. Good Luck Erin and let us know how you're doing by posting.....ikw

NeverAgain127 · Answer

Hi Erin:

Panic disorder is horrible; I know because I have had it for 20 years.  It has flared up at times, and when it did, my whole life was affected.

I took, took Xanax for YEARS for Panic Disorder.   It ruled my life.

All I can tell you is what happened to me.   I finally told a doctor, BEGGED really, to get me off the roller coaster of Xanax and panic. 

I did and here Is how:

1. He switched me to a longer acting benzo (Clonopin; ask your doctor about it...it doesn't wear off as abruptly as Xanax.)

2. Exercise.  This was a long time ago..I was 33, but I started jogging every day.   It helped SO MUCH.  I really believe daily exercise can almost cure panic disorder.

3. Therapy:  This is the other piece.  I had to learn how to function when I was having an attack.   I entered a day-hospital program in DBT that taught a concept called "mindfulness."  I learned that, while terrifying, panic attacks wouldn't kill me.   Breathing is so important.

There are forums and help groups for sufferers of panic.   They're easy to find online...Good luck!

-Robin