5 months clean from coke

[gizzy32]

5 months ago i hated my family, i hated myself, i hated my life and it was torture waking up in the morning. i was a functioning cokehead that worked, but i hid a terrible secret, well at least i thought i did cause deep down i knew everyone knew i was using a lot. 30-40 lines a day is not healthy and it took it's toll.

today i am 5 months clean and i love my family, i love myself and i love my life again. im about to start back to work fulltime monday and am lucky cause we have a family business and i love my job. im about to start playing golf again, my passion, it was my life for a while as i attended college and was gonna turn pro, but i have no regrets about that aspect now, i love my job. i have met an amazing women and this is the only time in my life i know she is the one :). i feel like a COMPLETELY different man and i want to let anyone out there know that recovery is possible. i truly believed it was impossible to get clean and be happy, but man, i feel ******* good. life without drugs is a life.
ty to all my friends here for their support, you are amazing and i couldn't have done this without you. this forum has kept me clean.

[aloneandempty85]

Congrads! I have been scrolling through forums trying to find some advice. I am addicted to cocaine. I am numb. I need to stop but I am terrified of being without it even for a moment. Where did you start? It is taking all I have not to swallow a bottle of pills to get away from this.  please help.

[bobby139]

Congrads....WOW 5 mo. that is something to be proud of...I am sorry to say i havn't gotten to know you but have watched what you have been threw and also watched what a great friend you have been to others...you are very important to this forum, you have helped alot of people, so you have alot to be proud of. Way to go..keep on going :)
bobby

[gizzy32]

well you get so used to it, you need it to wake up. when your without it, you don't want to do nothing, you don't want to talk to nobody and think about how much you need to sniff some lines to even get moving. coming down off coke is hell and it's beyond depression so you just get more and more, yet even when your using it, you still feel like hel l. i just read that post of yours and agree with newmanagement. getting off coke after using for only 3 months will not be extremely difficult, but if they continue to use it will become next to impossible. so to answer your question, EVERYDAY ON COKE IS HORRIBLE

[enemy48]

Gizzy, it's always good to hear from you.  I just posted a question regarding cocaine usage for my neice.

In my younger days I've tried it...like for 1 night, then maybe not again for another month or so.  I just remember how BAD I would feel the next day.  Like Death!

So my question, I guess, is as a pro coke addict,(sorry) you get used to it and don't wake up w/the horrible day?

[toxictome]

CONGRATULATIONS ON 5 MONTHS!!!  

NEVER forget:      IT "WORKS" IF YOU WORK" IT...
                       so WORK IT...WORK IT...WORK IT !!


Here's your quote for the day:

Whenever we hold on to our anger, we turn "small stuff" into really "big stuff" in our minds.

[hopeful4us]

Congratulations my buddy! I am so proud of you and am in awe of you, I KNOW how difficult it is to accompish this wonderful goal. YOU give me hope and inspiration that i too will make it there someday. since meeting you i feel i can do this. that it IS possible and you are the proof that it is!!! I am so happy for you that you have your life back and have found so much happiness and peace in it. Your happiness shows big time my friend!!! Thank you for all that you have done for me. I luv ya!

[CATUF]

congratulations, gizzy!  you are well on your way.

it was suggested to me at about five months that I "keep [my] seatbelt fastened,
because the ride has just started and it's going to pick up speed."  It was a good suggestion, the ride did pick up speed and it keeps getting better and better.

during that period it really helped me to remember two things.  

first, was that i got hit with PAWS about every 6 to 8 weeks.  it only lasted a few days, but i'd hit it like a brick wall --- it would feel like the end, like i had been fooling myself in thinking that i could find Recovery, that i was doomed to use and that i needed to use immediately.  what i helped was being able to remember that it was just PAWS, it might have felt "real," but it was just PAWS.  even though it felt like it was going to last FOREVER, i knew it would pass if i just waited it out.  as a bonus, i had the knowledge that every time i got through a round it seemed that i emerged into a new and better place in my Recovery.

second, was that cravings just don't matter.  for me, cravings come and cravings go.  i view them as simply a part of my disease.  initially, they really upset me.  it wasn't so much that i thought i had to, or would, cave.  it was more an issue of "how the hell can i be wanting that stuff NOW, after all i've been through, after all i've lost, after i've come so far????"  initially, they seemed to be clear and convincing evidence that i was (as i had long suspected) a truly worthless person.  i came to believe that feelings such as that are just another lie of my disease. i am not a worthless person: i am a good person who happens to have the disease of addiction and cravings are simply a part of that disease.

i learned not to "fight" cravings, but to simply let them pass over and through me.  a metaphor  that i found useful was thinking of cravings as waves at the beach . . . waves that hit me as I stand right where they are breaking.  if i "square off" against the waves, if i try to hold them back with my strength and my will, i am going to lose.  they are too powerful, there are too many and they just keep coming and coming.

so i don't fight the waves.  instead of squaring off and trying to hold my ground, i simply turn sideways and let them wash right past me.  i let them wash right past me and i'm ok.  part of the trick is ALWAYS telling someone when the waves start hitting --- not telling seems to make they waves bigger and seems to be a part of thinking i can square off against them.

don't change your clean date, no matter what.

CATUF
1039

[MizDemeanor]

YAY, Gizzy! I am so proud of you and I know you can keep up the awesome path you have chosen. Yes I say chosen, but really its more than chosen... it is a hellova hard fight, war, crusade, whatever you want to call it. I find you amazing and Im happy to have met you, my friend. Congrats on everything starting to look so good for you. You have worked hard for it. Many many more clean birthdays for you Giz! You are one in a million and I appreciate you.
Peace~

[what2donow]

Oh baby, I am soooooo proud of you. 5 months, whats an acomplishment.I am so blessed to have you in my life and look foward to many, many more clean celebrations with you! You are an amazing  man and you deserve the best in life!!!!!

Hugs and Kisses
Love
Jen

[road2recovery]

A BIG CONGRATS!!!!  U are a wonderfull friend, and I am so happy for you...YOU have come so far and are worthy of such great things in your life!!!
love u my friend!!
r2r

[newmanagment]

awesome job on stayin clean 5 months gizzy!! you got this bro, jus keep plowin ahead! much love......

[Avalancheblanche]

Oh, Giz, I am so very happy for you.  The accomplishments you have made in these few months are so monumental.  
I have seen you change in so many possative ways and you have really come into yourself.
You are such a huge asset to this forum.  I marvel at the way you respond to the people here who are hurting.  You know just the right thing to say, and you have a way about calming the ones who feel so desperate.
Be proud of yourself.  You have overcome a lot and become an amazing Man.
I am proud to be your friend....and sister!
Love you Gizzy, giz, giz!

[swtbreezie]

(((((((((((((Lil Brother))))))))  Congrats on 5 months I'm very proud of you.  You are one of my original angels here and I miss ya!  I know I havent been around much, I am back home for a bit for probation.  I am doing the classes, but still clean and sober 2 and a half months.  It's tough being away from my guy, but I have to do this so I can relocate (crossing fingers,toes,eyes anything else that will cross)  Boy it's tough to be here and stay clean but I'm doing it!  I think of all of you daily and keep you in my prayers!  I can't be on everyday, I am at my sister's now.
hugzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz MY ANGELS
swtbreezie

[Emmas Mom]

Chris I am SOOOOOOOOOO proud of you!  You are doing such a great job my friend and deserve a pat on the back!  TO many many months more clean.

Love ya!
Beth:)

[Rose703]

Congradulations!!!! Also I want to thank you for such an uplifting post. It really sounds like you're doing wonderful and I'm so happy that you found the love of your life. Many blessing to you as you continue to stay clean and play golf!! LOL, mind hitting a few for me?

[worried878]

news like that is good news!  congrats giz

[122 Tactical Fighter Group]

Congratulations first of all - I too fought the coke monster and even if it isnt physically addicting it is one hell of a challenge - it takes a special person to make it through that demon .... and its great that you found the human race again!! This time watch out for speeding tickets.....have always enjoyed your humor and posts - thanks

[lostdreams]

Well done, you deserve everything. Be proud and stay strong. I'm new to this forum and you were the first person to answer my mailing and since then i have noticed you always answer other posts, with this i would like to say Thank You. Your an inspiration!!!! Take care.

[LIZZIE LOU]

God is truly blessing you :)

(in more ways than one)

[sadinmichigan]

thankyou..i have a few more questions but I'll pm you  thankyou again..

[bmc1976]

Way to go on 5 months! You have come so far during over the past few months. You have beat one of the hardest things you will every have to deal with.....addiction. There is nothing in life that can stand in your way! Be very proud of yourself. I know I am! I'm so happy for you!
Brian

[Needhelp59]

You are such a special person - your words of encouragement have meant the world to me.  I have tried to get my sister to read your posts - I know they would be a source of inspiration for her.  God bless and and THANK YOU for being you!!  Congratulations!!

[gizzy32]

yes, someone's behaviour can change in a couple weeks of use. this drug messes the brain up bigtime and thinking patterns are completely different. coming down of coke happens very quick and it's a complete nightmare. in fact someone on coke change their personality from hour to hour, it's a crazy drug. you know im here if you have any questions about it, or what signs this person is using coke

ty my friends for the kind words, it really means a lot.

[opi]

sweeeeeeeeeeet