525 days clean and ready to give in...

Question

Crazy how life can be and how when you think you have beat something, you really haven't. My words could not express how miserable I feel right now. I went to the doctor for soar throat and have not seen her since I stopped. She instantly wrote me a prescription and I declined. She asked me how I did it without taking pills with a back condition like mine. I was stepping out the door and decided to take the prescription. I have had it in my wallet for 31 days and my life in short has been more than difficult lately to say the least. I was honest and told my wife about the prescription and she had no comment. She just ironed her shirt and walked past me... 

I just want myself back...

quitinoxys · Answer

Glad to help and that's why we are here. So just keep posting.

wanting2stop · Answer

I am very thankful to have complete strangers out there that I can relate with. I am just going thru a lot emotionally and was looking for an escape I guess. I didn't fill the script and threw it away. I guess tomorrow is another day. Hopefully the pain will go away and all the other stuff in my life will fall into place. Thanks again for everyone taking the tine to write to me.

avisg · Answer

good news script is viod u have gone over 30 day without having it filled. Bad news whats going on that is making you want to numb yourself again.
 what are you getting recoverycare ? time to recenter yourself if you are not getting care get it if you are lean on them let them know where you are and post often.

quitinoxys · Answer

I remember your helped that terrible night and thank you and everyone that helped me make the right decision. So Wanting please follow suit and take the advice of all these great people and get rid of the prescription!!!!---Rick

vicki595 · Answer

Yes,I remember that night when Quitin faced the monster!!! He was out of town and did what you are doing: posting here!

Throw the thing out!! It's only paper and it may have expired. It would raise a question anyway ( not many people fill an rx for PAIN MED one month later!!!)

Ask yourself what is really going on. You've been clean for a LONG time...trust me,you'll feel awful if you take anything. Just awful. I'm coming up on a year pretty soon and I guard that with my life!!  I know you do to. You must!!

Post back and check in with us!!

addict3 · Answer

I don't know you my friend, but I sincerely hope you can find the strength to throw that script away. 
There is a "motto" some of us use.... 'keep your guard up. 

I have found if I do not keep my guard up, temptation gets just a little to close for comfort.

Guard Up!!

quitinoxys · Answer

Wanting---I completely understand chronic pain I live it everyday. A few months ago I was confronted with the decision of taking opana that some gave to me as my back pain was horrible. Through he grace of God, my soulmate and people on this forum I made the right choice and flushed the evil pills. You have FIVE HUNDRED TWENTY FIVE 525 CLEAN. Don't give in and start at day 1. I plead with you shred, burn, destroy that little piece of paper so it doesn't destroy you. There are many alternative ways of dealing with chronic pain and If you want message me and I can turn you on to some methods I have learned. I will pray for you and ask God to help guide you.  God Bless---Rick

dman560 · Answer

Hey  I cant wait to be 525 days clean it seems like its forever away.  Please throw it out!  Also, most times after 30 days the script for any narcotic is void!  Do yourself a favor and just throw it out, if you go and fill it and they don't let you anyway youll beat your self up.  Hang in there, everything always gets better.

jrizzy303 · Answer

Hey yeah if you went this long without getting them filled. Mine as well throw it away. You have to be strong and just do it without thinking just do it. Seems if you went this far without. You dont really need them. Congrats on 525 days and not filling them. Look you dont want to go back to day one do you. You went this far with all that hard work it would be so disappointing if you had to start over. And remember you will have to go back to everyday using. Because thats just how we work. Be strong and hang in there. One day at a time.

IBKleen · Answer

Hey Wanting,

I am glad you thought to come here and post. You are reaching out and that is a good thing.

I think you know what I am going to say but what the heck, I'll say it anyway---THROW OUT THE PRESCRIPTION!! It is screaming at you so loud I can hear it from here! That has to be torture for you to have that on your person. 

After you throw that out, take a step back and breathe. I know you don't want to go back to the drug using days so this is the point where you need to muster up all of your strength and fight. 

I live with chronic back pain and believe me, you have my sympathy. But pain or not, as addicts we don't know how to take medication as prescribed. 

When you take that step, try and think of anything else (besides having a prescription in your pocket) that may be troubling you. Has anything happened recently that you don't want to deal with? Anything like that? I know for me, sometimes when I think something is causing cravings, it turns out to be something totally different. If you can figure out that it something else, it may be helpful.

I hope you stick around and talk with us. The mental part of this disease is hard and you are going through that right now. There is always someone around here to guide you and support you, or just listen to you. Hang in there and whatever you do--don't use.

wantoutofhell · Answer

From personal experience I KNOW that the temporary fix causes WAY more guilt and problems down the road.  I had almost ten years sober once and said, what the ****!  Think it through to how you'll feel when you wake up.  That moment will be as real as this one.  And it truly is devastating!  I don't know why your wife was apparantly so unfeeling.  Perhaps it's just that she shut down out of fear.  One would hope.  You deserve support...  especially when you are brutally honest.  God bless!  I truly know how you feel.  And again... think it through to the end!!!

petroglyph54 · Answer

If you had the scrip that long it doesn't seem you need it. I don't know if you do, but with so much clean time you know the value of aftercare. I went to my first na meeting last night. It's pretty easy, everyone there is on your side and knows exactly what addiction is. I'm pretty new to it, but it seems to last a long long time. Get with people with lots of clean time as well as here, that know the value of 525 days!!