Aa
Not feelin it
Christmas is by far my favorite holiday. I truly love the act of giving, the spirit of Christmas...everything. We do random acts of kindness as a family this time of year, ring the Salvation Army bell as a family. I just don't feel in it to win it this year. Every year we pick a family to by gifts for that may not be able to afford them as well as provide a GC to a grocery store for dinner. I LOVE DOING THIS!!! When went shopping last night, I couldn't wait for it to be over, I was less than patient with my kids and I think I made it kind of unfun at one point which now thinking about it makes me feel like a piece of crap. I am usually full of the spirit of Christmas. We haven't even rung the bell!!! I am disappointed with myself. I have taught my kids that giving is the true meaning of Christmas as Christ was given to us. I am having such a hard time with it this year, and I think they have started to realize it. It's going to be hard for me, where is my joy? Why can't I FEEL how I normally would? I feel guilty. How the hell am I going to do this! I even called in sick to work today.
Best Answer
I'm gonna roll with it this year. I got some awesome advice, and everything will turn out alright. It may not be like it was last year, but at least this year I am clean and if I could put a bow on that and slip it under the tree to myself I would!!! I'm glad you got something out of it too.
Sending thoughts your way...
Sending thoughts your way...
Hi Brandi, I really understand how you feel. I always love Christmas and this time of the year. I don't feel it either.
I agree with the above advice, and I'm gonna take it too, LOL! Give yourself a bit of a break! Don't try to do it all. Everything will turn out fine!
Take care, wishing you the best!
I agree with the above advice, and I'm gonna take it too, LOL! Give yourself a bit of a break! Don't try to do it all. Everything will turn out fine!
Take care, wishing you the best!
Deadfast: Your absolutely right on "It's so hard to live up to the what was es. ..and use to Do s....spending so much effort on trying to recreate the past it kinda takes away from here and now .." I hadn't thought of that way.
Jenny: Being clean for our families is HUGE, and that my friend, we will be doing together!!
CIK: Wow, thank you for going through the time and effort to find that paragraph and put it in the post. I really needed that information. Even though I know I'm going through something, I forget I'm going through something!! Your post brought me peace on some level. You are a special chic!! Thank you!!!
Spider: How did you know I have a Type A personality too!! LOL I am definitely going to read about PAWS. I am going to surrender to it and try to enjoy it.
CRS: I love your idea of starting a new tradition!! My kids are 10 and 6 so they are fully capable of doing that. Thank you for the suggestion.
I have to say that when I got back on the forum and was reading these posts I was tearful. I love being here with all of you. Everyone always has such kind and uplifting things to say, and give tough love when needed. I am so grateful for my MH family!!! God bless
Jenny: Being clean for our families is HUGE, and that my friend, we will be doing together!!
CIK: Wow, thank you for going through the time and effort to find that paragraph and put it in the post. I really needed that information. Even though I know I'm going through something, I forget I'm going through something!! Your post brought me peace on some level. You are a special chic!! Thank you!!!
Spider: How did you know I have a Type A personality too!! LOL I am definitely going to read about PAWS. I am going to surrender to it and try to enjoy it.
CRS: I love your idea of starting a new tradition!! My kids are 10 and 6 so they are fully capable of doing that. Thank you for the suggestion.
I have to say that when I got back on the forum and was reading these posts I was tearful. I love being here with all of you. Everyone always has such kind and uplifting things to say, and give tough love when needed. I am so grateful for my MH family!!! God bless
Hi Brandiroars, if your children are old enough,pass the torch this year.
Have them pick out of the say 10 regular acts of kindness, the one that has the most meaning to them.
One year I was what we call drying out ( from pills ) I just Could Not Do zero
So,I got a marker,a bag of bows & a stack of paper grocery bags. I went to the party & enlisted the help of a bright 6 yr old neice of my friend. We made the pantry our headquarters. She wrote the names on the bags & selected the bows. I provided the gifts. She's 9 now,& they live in Canada. My friend says she still talks about that Christmas.
Maybe you can start a new tradition . Pamela
Have them pick out of the say 10 regular acts of kindness, the one that has the most meaning to them.
One year I was what we call drying out ( from pills ) I just Could Not Do zero
So,I got a marker,a bag of bows & a stack of paper grocery bags. I went to the party & enlisted the help of a bright 6 yr old neice of my friend. We made the pantry our headquarters. She wrote the names on the bags & selected the bows. I provided the gifts. She's 9 now,& they live in Canada. My friend says she still talks about that Christmas.
Maybe you can start a new tradition . Pamela
Awesome post Clean.
Brandi, like Clean says, give yourself a break, do some reading on the paws stuff......I tell ya just a little before my 80days, I had a f*cking PAWS mental explosion! Omg be grateful it didn't go that far with you but be on your guard if you feel it coming on........and know that this is normal......and it too will pass. but MAN what a ride! I haven't had one of those since but I'm being careful to watch for it.
You are doing great and are such a giving person, as your angels have said you being clean is the greatest xmas gift and blessing one's family could ever ask for. Just surrender to it and enjoy all the "down" time as if it
were a gift. (*coming from a type A personality, I know how hard that is)
blessed strength to you girl. hugs.
Brandi, like Clean says, give yourself a break, do some reading on the paws stuff......I tell ya just a little before my 80days, I had a f*cking PAWS mental explosion! Omg be grateful it didn't go that far with you but be on your guard if you feel it coming on........and know that this is normal......and it too will pass. but MAN what a ride! I haven't had one of those since but I'm being careful to watch for it.
You are doing great and are such a giving person, as your angels have said you being clean is the greatest xmas gift and blessing one's family could ever ask for. Just surrender to it and enjoy all the "down" time as if it
were a gift. (*coming from a type A personality, I know how hard that is)
blessed strength to you girl. hugs.
Oh Brandi, I can SO relate to this. This year I swore that I was going to do daily Christmas and kindness things with my kids from Dec 1st - 25th. Well, you can imagine how that has gone considering that I'm on day 7 of withdrawals. LOL!! A few days ago I was feeling extremely guily about this...I still am, but I've convinced myself that what I am doing for them (and myself) is the most important thing of all....beyond all of the other things that I strived to do this holiday season that honestly are probably not going to happen. But you know what?? On Christmas morning...we are giving our families the gift of a CLEAN parent...something that they are so deserving of. :) hang in there...I know how ya feel *hugs*
Sorry you are struggling with the joy...Hard one to fake huh??. Well I am great full for the kindnesses you have shown me and I'm sure others on this site would back me..That's an act of selfless giving encourage ment..It's so hard to live up to the what was es. ..and use to Do s....spending so much effort on trying to recreate the past it kinda takes away from here and now ....I have not bought one gift for anyone ...and the way I feel right now ........I will though it's Xmas right...magic and food and songs and food and alot of lights trees and cold...I am gonna make it and you helped me Thanks
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Our entire nervous systems have been damaged while ingesting drugs....our brains are in a dysfunctional mode early in recovery. The changes you are seeing in yourself this year don't stem from "a heart that isn't full".....but from your chemistry trying to heal and adjust.
The Health Pages here on MH have several articles on what happens to us in the early days/months off our drug(s). One of the things noted is either an emotional overreaction or the opposite extreme of feeling a numbness.
Here's a paragraph from the PAWS Part I article:
"Emotional Overreaction or Numbness"
"Persons with emotional problems in sobriety tend to overreact. When things happen that require two units of emotional reaction, they react with ten. It is like holding the “times” key down on a calculator. You may find yourself becoming angry over what may later seem a trivial matter. You may feel more anxious or excited than you have reason to be. When this overreaction puts more stress on the nervous systems than it can handle, there is an emotional shutdown. If this happens to you, you become emotionally numb, unable to feel anything. And even when you know you should feel something, you do not. You may swing from one mood to another without knowing why."
In particular, read the sentence that says, "and even when you know you should feel something, you do not".
Your spirit IS full of joy.... but the electrical connection to your emotions hasn't healed yet. Rejoice in being CLEAN this Christmas....and know that next year you'll be "rockin around the Christimas Tree" and serving others with a newness that will not only bless those you serve, but well up in your heart once again~