Aa
A lonely soul
This will be my very first post! In fact, even though I have been reading all your posts for probably 6-8 months, if not more, I just NOW registered. Never had the nerve. Still can't believe I FINALLY did!! Don't know where to even start, but here goes! I have been on pain medicine for probably 25 years I would say. And of course have abused it almost as long. I have NEVER ever told a sole. Noone. Not even my own husband. It was my dirty little secret and I became an expert of hiding it. And I know alot of you have said that people around you know more than you think. And that's just it.....NOBODY is ever around besides my 2 kids (only one still lives with us!) and of course husband. We have absolutely NO friends. And I mean none. And of course both sides of our family are only over at holidays. So noone. So so sorry im rambling, let me go back to beginning. Im so sorry its gonna be so ling but I want all of you to know the true and real deal. All of you are the only ones I've ever reached out to, in 25 long years. So...
I got married right out of high school. Been married for 34 years now. Wonderful man, even though, with his health issues, he is definitely adducted to his pain meds too like I am. Have 2 kids. My son was critically ill when he was born until 2 1/2 yrs old, so I starting getting debilitating migrants, runs in family. Mom had them and sisters. They were so bad that my blood pressure would bottom out and I passed out all the time. Got to point I threw up so much I would get dehydrated and id be at hospital all the time bags and bags of iv fluids. They just continued, so finally went on disability in mid 90's from them. But even though I needed something for pain, for me it was fiorinal# 3 that helped the most. So that's what my drug was. Not only did it help my migraines, I liked the feeling it gave me. So id take more and more even though I KNEW I was getting addicted. Add to that going to hosp 2 x a week for stadol and phenergan. I was hooked. Slowly becuz I was always having migraines, we lost more and more friends. I became a recluse (?). Couldn't work, became suicidal, almost did it one real close. My kids are only thing that stopped me. Over the years, nothing changed. Always had tons of medical problems. Never went out on streets to get meds, always this dr and that dr. Stilldoesnt make it better. But NEVER EVER told anyone that I was an addict. I have never even told a sole until TODAY! I take 45 fiorinal# 3 a month (that's what he gives me!) and because of a fall 4 years ago, have had 5 foot surgeries in 4 years so I get usually 60 norcos every 2-3 weeks. I don't drink at all so that's everything. Im just SO sick and tired of all this. You know what's really sad, that my husband and I have noone. Not 1 friend to confide in, no family we would ever tell. Noone to invite over. Or to go to dinner with. Noone from my husbands job to meet out somewhere. Just noone! I only have one family member that I can talk on the phone with but of course doesn't know my secret. How incredibly sad is that. Its been like that for probably 10 years! Im reaching out because something has to change we have really grown apart in the last 3-4 years. He's a big drinker aka alcoholic so we have other issues, especially with that and financially. I so don't want thus to be
I got married right out of high school. Been married for 34 years now. Wonderful man, even though, with his health issues, he is definitely adducted to his pain meds too like I am. Have 2 kids. My son was critically ill when he was born until 2 1/2 yrs old, so I starting getting debilitating migrants, runs in family. Mom had them and sisters. They were so bad that my blood pressure would bottom out and I passed out all the time. Got to point I threw up so much I would get dehydrated and id be at hospital all the time bags and bags of iv fluids. They just continued, so finally went on disability in mid 90's from them. But even though I needed something for pain, for me it was fiorinal# 3 that helped the most. So that's what my drug was. Not only did it help my migraines, I liked the feeling it gave me. So id take more and more even though I KNEW I was getting addicted. Add to that going to hosp 2 x a week for stadol and phenergan. I was hooked. Slowly becuz I was always having migraines, we lost more and more friends. I became a recluse (?). Couldn't work, became suicidal, almost did it one real close. My kids are only thing that stopped me. Over the years, nothing changed. Always had tons of medical problems. Never went out on streets to get meds, always this dr and that dr. Stilldoesnt make it better. But NEVER EVER told anyone that I was an addict. I have never even told a sole until TODAY! I take 45 fiorinal# 3 a month (that's what he gives me!) and because of a fall 4 years ago, have had 5 foot surgeries in 4 years so I get usually 60 norcos every 2-3 weeks. I don't drink at all so that's everything. Im just SO sick and tired of all this. You know what's really sad, that my husband and I have noone. Not 1 friend to confide in, no family we would ever tell. Noone to invite over. Or to go to dinner with. Noone from my husbands job to meet out somewhere. Just noone! I only have one family member that I can talk on the phone with but of course doesn't know my secret. How incredibly sad is that. Its been like that for probably 10 years! Im reaching out because something has to change we have really grown apart in the last 3-4 years. He's a big drinker aka alcoholic so we have other issues, especially with that and financially. I so don't want thus to be
I just wanted to say hi and welcome, kat. This forum is a Godsend for me. I am so glad you found us and then posted. That is a huge step. Whichever way you choose, taper or cold turkey, we will be here. Please keep posting. Vent all you need! You have already received some great advice and I can't really add much. I have been in tears posting on here, too. The fact that there are people who truly care, understand, and want to help is amazing.
Hope you keep posting. Blessings and peace to you,
Minn
Hope you keep posting. Blessings and peace to you,
Minn
this is a big and strong step. U can count on us.
Its never to late to make change. Well done my lovely.
Hugs zoe x
Its never to late to make change. Well done my lovely.
Hugs zoe x
Welcome you'll find many friends on this forum and we all understand what you're feeling, its normal but you need to stop thinking about the past and what you may have missed. You can start, but since you do suffer from headaches and recently had surgery you're going to have to give it a little time. You'll know when its time. And don't worry about telling your family right now, do this for you. Tell your doctor you'te tired of taking all these meds and would like to taper he/she can help you with this and may give you meds to help with the withdrawals, you don't have to tell them you're an addict, just that you're tired of taking meds and want to try a different route. And like others suggested here, maybe join NA or get into volunteering and you'll start making friends. You've taken the right first step by getting it out on here where no one is going to judge you! Hang in there, make up your mind and do it, noone else can do this for you. Good luck!!!
Kat - We're so happy you made it here! I planned my detox, like you. I urge you to set a date, as soon as possible, and stick to it. I prayed every day for the willingness to stick to my plan. I had to arrange things so that I could have a fighting chance, as in very few responsibilities, sheets washed, house clean, etc. Also important to have a plan for pain management. The more you can get done before you start, the better, in my opinion. Keep posting and keep us up to speed on how you're doing.
Kat - good night my new friend. Hope your foot starts feeling better and I sure hope you feel a little better knowing you are not alone out there! Sleep well!
Someone up above sure was looking over me today! And Thank You GOD. As tears are streaming down my face, I THANK EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU!! I have NEVER talked to a group of people before in my life that have shown this type of genuine concern and help and encouragement w/out judging and just love to someone else that all of you have shown to me in just a few short hours! I can only pray to get better so I might one day be able to help someone as you have already done for me!! So im here to stay, don't know my plan yet....but I will get one! But for now, just knowing that all of you are here, is amazing! I just had 5th foot surgery feb 16, so want to heal a tad more before I start the "fight for my life", but with you guys, I think I have a great start! I know you probably wont believe this, but TRUTHFULLY all my favorites responded to me. Love you bkitty, and lostnomore and iwilldothis are so insightful and full of knowledge and help. And snakejones, thanks for all the tips to get out in the world and the encouraging words. Leeann, I look forward yo getting to know you AND there was only ONE OTHER PERSON I prayed would reach out to me that is such a riot, I read every post he does....and he always seems to say something that makes my day a little brighter....thanks mikeinfrance!! I will be in touch. Haven't been able to bear any weight on my foot in 5 wks, so hopefully I will this week so I can get this foot healed so I can do what I have to do!! I know some of you, or maybe even alot of you will think im very premature in thanking you already. But I don't at all because remember, I didn't have anyone and NOW I have ALL OF YOU!
Hi and Welcome! As you already know this is a great forum and you will find a lot of friends here as you embark on your journey to get clean! You can get your life back! I wish you all the best! ((hugs))~Bkitty
Hi kat.... I understand the family part of it.... I isn't tell any family at all about my addiction to Oxys and told only one friend about it and that was only because I needed a safe place to detox. It's not something to just open up about with family members who tend to understand very little about addiction.
I am happy to see you making a big step at getting your life back! Continue to use this forum because it really does help!
You can accomplish whatever you set your mind to, only when you put it to action.
I am happy to see you making a big step at getting your life back! Continue to use this forum because it really does help!
You can accomplish whatever you set your mind to, only when you put it to action.
Hi! Don't feel like you don't have any friends to talk to! We are always around!! I'm glad you are finally tired of what you're going through. And yes, we miss a lot of things being on pills!
When are you going to stop?
When are you going to stop?
Hi, Kat, welcome---you now have lots of new friends! Maybe hubby would also like to meet us when he gets ready.....
The other folks have given you a lot of good advice, so I'll concentrate on the loneliness problem.
It might be a good idea for you to start attending Narcotics Anonymous meetings. It's informative and there are lots of nice people there to make friends with. You don't even have to be ready to quit. Just go.
Please involve your doctor in your care when you are ready to wean down your meds. You may need additional medications for a short time to help with possible side effects. Some one-on-one therapy with a therapist would also be very good. If you are interested in church, try a church. It's very comforting to many people, and you don't need to tell anyone you have a drug problem if you don't want to. When you feel better physically, broaden your horizons---take a community college course, learn a new hobby or skill, volunteer at an animal shelter--anything that is uplifting and gets you out of the house. If you lead by example, your husband may follow you---but even if he does not, you do it anyway for yourself. Your happiness and confidence is everything right now.
Again, welcome!----Margaret
The other folks have given you a lot of good advice, so I'll concentrate on the loneliness problem.
It might be a good idea for you to start attending Narcotics Anonymous meetings. It's informative and there are lots of nice people there to make friends with. You don't even have to be ready to quit. Just go.
Please involve your doctor in your care when you are ready to wean down your meds. You may need additional medications for a short time to help with possible side effects. Some one-on-one therapy with a therapist would also be very good. If you are interested in church, try a church. It's very comforting to many people, and you don't need to tell anyone you have a drug problem if you don't want to. When you feel better physically, broaden your horizons---take a community college course, learn a new hobby or skill, volunteer at an animal shelter--anything that is uplifting and gets you out of the house. If you lead by example, your husband may follow you---but even if he does not, you do it anyway for yourself. Your happiness and confidence is everything right now.
Again, welcome!----Margaret
Hi Kat. Hey, I can relate to how you feel right now; I was full of regret, remorse, shame, and on and on. Once I began this journey, I began to feel better about myself, and after a while, I even started to like myself! The past is gone, focus on TODAY. I know that's hard, but it will help you immensely.
I can also relate to the shame and stigma of THAT word...ADDICT. People think of a half-starved, strung-out junkie lying in the gutter when that word comes up. But for the people who know you, when you are ready to tell them,
you will be very surprised, I think, how much understanding you will get. this problem affects more people than you might think. There are MILLIONS
of us. Thank you for the kind words. I appreciate it. Are you ready to give it a try?
I can also relate to the shame and stigma of THAT word...ADDICT. People think of a half-starved, strung-out junkie lying in the gutter when that word comes up. But for the people who know you, when you are ready to tell them,
you will be very surprised, I think, how much understanding you will get. this problem affects more people than you might think. There are MILLIONS
of us. Thank you for the kind words. I appreciate it. Are you ready to give it a try?
Thank you Iwilldothis! I feel like I already know you guys because I've read for months all your posts. As sad as it sounds, I feel I already have 2 friends!! Thank both of you. And you should be so proud of 54 days! That is AMAZING! I hope one day that will be my no. Im sorry about your migraines too. They are debilitating to say the least. But my best friend besides the narcotics (of course!) is the orc Excedrin Migraine, believe it or not! I eat it like candy. I can only imagine what my stomache looks like. But if you haven't tried it, its totally worth a shot, as long as you're not allergic to aspirin. If both of you only knew how much it has meant to me already to talk with you! THANK YOU!
Thank you SO VERY MUCH for responding to me lostnomore! I was hoping it would be you or" bama" to be honest. I've been lurking around fir a long time and both of you were always so kind and compassionate. Thank you. To be completely honest, the last 20 years I have missed so much from my kids growing up, to even having friends...so much I can't get back! And I REALLY WANT THIS! I do! But im scared. Hey, I quit cold turkey a 35 year cigarette addiction 15 mos ago, I can do this, right? Piece a cake! If only.....! What's the next step, a target date right? And WHY OH WHY do I absolutely NOT want to tell anyone in my family about my addiction? Why? I know it is a disease but somehow I feel people, even my family, think negatively about me and not trust me for the rest of my life! Even though I know quite a de of them are definite alcoholics! No doubt. But substance addiction has always seemed likest holds such SHAME with that title!
Kat - Welcome and I'm so glad you decided to post - it is very empowering to finally admit it isn't it? I just wanted to say and I'm so happy you are here. You sound so fed up and ready to really make a change and that is a great start and I think what can really make the difference. YOU have to really want it and just be sick of the whole mess.
I, too, suffer from chronic migraines, complicated migraines actually where they mimic a stroke - when they come on I stutter and stammer, I can't remember the names of every day things or people - it was very scary when it first started. Luckily my migraines have abated during the last few years so I don't need to be on propholactic meds any longer to manage - I just take maxalt when I get one.
I think you really have a challenge because you'll still need to manage your migraines but state that you do abuse your meds - I would give serious thought to speaking with your doctor about the appropriate way to move ahead and treat your condition.
The biggest thing is getting a game plan down for how to manage your chronic pain moving forward so you feel in control of your health. You want to stops the meds but your physical ailments will still be there. There are so many alternative treatments out there - biofeedback, cognitive behavioral therapy, accupuncture etc.
We'll be here to support you along the way. I'm 54 days clean of hydros today after years of use and there are lots of us who have successfully stopped and lots who are still trying and not giving up even if they slipped.
You won't be judged and we all know what you are going through. Take care of yourself and I'm really happy you are here.
I, too, suffer from chronic migraines, complicated migraines actually where they mimic a stroke - when they come on I stutter and stammer, I can't remember the names of every day things or people - it was very scary when it first started. Luckily my migraines have abated during the last few years so I don't need to be on propholactic meds any longer to manage - I just take maxalt when I get one.
I think you really have a challenge because you'll still need to manage your migraines but state that you do abuse your meds - I would give serious thought to speaking with your doctor about the appropriate way to move ahead and treat your condition.
The biggest thing is getting a game plan down for how to manage your chronic pain moving forward so you feel in control of your health. You want to stops the meds but your physical ailments will still be there. There are so many alternative treatments out there - biofeedback, cognitive behavioral therapy, accupuncture etc.
We'll be here to support you along the way. I'm 54 days clean of hydros today after years of use and there are lots of us who have successfully stopped and lots who are still trying and not giving up even if they slipped.
You won't be judged and we all know what you are going through. Take care of yourself and I'm really happy you are here.
Hi and welcome. You're in the right place. We can help. Getting clean is worth it. You sound ready. You sound like you want it. That's good. I feel for you and what you're going through. The opiates become our best friend and then over time become our absolute worst enemy. My story is like that. At first, it was wonderful. Then I needed more. Then no amount would give me that high. Then I was taking pills to feel normal. Then I was taking more pills just to not feel sick. In the end, I was sick and broken and hopeless. I stopped taking narcotics and other drugs 68 days ago. It was the best decision I've ever made. You have some challenges with your situation, but we all have those.
How to deal with your pain issues without narcotics, how to deal with your husband's using....challenges that you CAN overcome if you want to be clean. We can help you through it. There are lots of women here who have similar stories. I hope you stick around and decide to join us.
How to deal with your pain issues without narcotics, how to deal with your husband's using....challenges that you CAN overcome if you want to be clean. We can help you through it. There are lots of women here who have similar stories. I hope you stick around and decide to join us.
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