help my ship sunk today

[bama88]

hello and wow...i gave in to the pain. i can not do this anymore. I've tried to be strong. heck i tried to be stubborn. but honestly my pain levels are thru the roof. both knees hurt from toes to butt...and im going to pt in awhile. so here's what happened....my mom and husband went to doctors office today earlier and told him what they observed. yes im mobile to a degree. but really hurt. last night i wanted to go to er. but what could they do? give me a shot? so anyways my husband and mom told the doctor what they see...and he said i need a knee replacement on left knee...and i should think about going on disability...so he wrote oxycontin for pain. no break thrus....i know that roxies are my true love...i can't snort the oxies...i don't get high from oxycontin er. after all i have learned i won't take more. no way. i don't and won't loose my car again. so im gonna manage my medicine....i don't know what to do. am i setting myself up for failure? i took one at 9 and finally can move without feeling like ice picks are in both knees. and i go to doctor on wed...and back to pain managent on 27....i am sorry if o let you down....i want everyone to know that...i will still be around if you want me. sorry bama fell down.

[littlebit667]

I am sorry, Bama you doctor made me laugh.  I know it is not a laughing matter, but he is as stubborn as you.  Do what you have to do to feel good!  i wish there was an easy answer!

[bama88]

i read your posts...did you ever read my early ones? go back....i was a mess. and after you read you will understand

[bewitched_queen]

I agree bama. Any use to us addicts feels like a relapse. But there is a difference in using to get high and using for severe pain. Use it for your pain girl, don't get high. Go read my black wolf and white wolf story if you havnt heard it. It's not very long, but really helped me to see inside myself.

[apike31108]

Take it and heal

[bama88]

my mom and johnny are back...doctor wouldn't take them back. so they are back again....he called me and said i need them and take them i have pt. he will talk to me wed when i come in...he gave more tordal. and wants to oxycontin for big pain he wrote me a note. stop being stubborn...just take as written. grrr. im gonna kick something again. i feel so frustrated with this.

[bama88]

thanks everyone....im feel like once bitten twice shy...i know what ua mean about the detox being hard. i say everyday...i choose not to use and get high today....i promise no more. im so proud of ya girl id hug your neck

[bewitched_queen]

How you doing bama? I'm going nuts, not gonna sugarcoat it. WDs are horrible & I wanna remember this feeling so I never let myself get here again. Its so hard for ppl who really have chronic pain and get addicted. I'm feeling you sister, I'm in it to win it. I cant do this anymore. It has my soul. I've got to get it back & you take your meds RESPONSIBLY & expect no more of yourself than that.

[littlebit667]

you have a plan and if it works for you then that is all that matters!  I just don't want you hurting with no recourse!

[bama88]

I've missed you addicted2long...i thought you were mad at me..and if i made you so im sorry

[apike31108]

Quit being stubborn and take your pain meds. You can start over once you aren't in legitimately pain.

[Addicted2long]

Oh no bama..text me if u wanna talk

[bama88]

we did keep 3 but rhe rest are gone...am i stupid

[bama88]

yes Sara i sent them back...i talked with my doctor himself and he said he will lock them up. my therapy is in same building so if i need one i can get them back or one at a time...its a little weird but he understands my concern...he says he will discuss this wed when i get the staples out. did i do wrong Sara

[ricart70]

I think you are doing the right thing too.Oxycontin does not have the monopoly on pain control.

[howlingshadow]

Sometimes you are just in too much pain, the key is your were not taking them to get high.., you are controlling and managing pain. Just please be careful. You have been nothing but nice and a true inspiration to us all. I think you did the right thing in the end. :))

[dominosarah]

Do i have this right...you are in pain, the doc gave you oxy's and they were being guarded, you took 1 and now you sent them back?  

[bama88]

they are on the way back to doctors office...so its over.

[bama88]

ok ms vikkie....im not gonna take them no more I've convinced myself i don't want them and they are no good for me...i will be tense but clean. im tougher than you thimk...i think it was last night that made me hurt....my scooter broke down in rhe back of wmart and i walked back to rhe car...so im to blame for my pain ...i can't flush them but i don't have to take them...I've made up my mind....i am gonna suffer in silence

[vicki595]

Hey!!   You're okay here. Don't cofuse the issues!!

Just treat the pain and not the addiction. You've got your safeguards up so don't be silly.

Your doctor is right: If you're all tensed up you won't heal properly!!

[bewitched_queen]

bama girl, im sorry you are hurting so bad & I'm glad someone is controlling your doses. Just remember the inner addict is always watching & you have to control her. I'm coming to grips with this. I know you will too :)

[ricart70]

what about toradol?  could they use that? and ice and otc stuff. Hope you feel better soon.Sounds like you are thinking clearly

[NeverDreamed]

I understand the fear.  I've got some things upcoming, and I pray I don't need the pain meds.   However, the dr. is right, if your body is not relaxed and constantly in tension from the pain it won't heal.  Talk with the dr. he knows your addiction, go with what he says.  You have to give your body a fighting chance to heal as well.  You are taking all the right steps, letting your people hold your meds, being honest with the doctor... You can do this.  My thoughts and prayers are with you!

xoxo

[bama88]

im being a stinker not a sticker hahaha

[bama88]

um guys i don't want to chance the pills...my husband is coming home...im having him take them back to doctor...the pain came back and i don't want any more opiates...if i could make it a week i can make it again. these pills confuse me. and i don't need confusion. im gonna go with johnny to talk to my doctor. i hate pills. i hate pain. so my mind is made up. no no no reason for pills. i don't care if im being a sticker now. i don't want to tempt the devil....so back they go.

see how crazy addiction is? see rhe fear of the pills when you break free....oh im so mad at my mom and johnny. those pills ruined my life. nobody ever died from pain after knee scope...they do die from pills ...now let me glad kick something