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Afraid of WD but want to stop pain killers
I have been taking Norco/OXY for about a year now consistently. I have come to the realization that if I don’t stop im never going to be happy and also may die. It started with major ankle surgery and believe me the pain was almost un bearable. But now, the pain is fine and almost non existent. I only take it because of the “high”. It puts me in the best moods. Like I’m superman and can tackle anything. When I’m off of them I am the worst person to be married to be around and the worst father to my children. I get extremely irritable, grumpy whatever, and at the end of the day I HATE myself. Can’t even get through this post without crying/being upset with how I let this get out of control. I have lied to my wife/best friend about it and am afraid to come clean yet again with her and lose all trust or worst yet, my marriage/kids. I am scared beyond all reason. I am at a loss. I never in my life thought I would get to this point. Worst yet is the fact that I went without for about 10 whole day…it sucked but I made it. But then I played a softball game and to be honest…I ached afterwards. So guess what first came to mind? Yes…Norco. And the fact that it is so easy to get doesn’t makes things better. So not only did I re-lapse but I am taking more now than I ever did…..I am up to 35/30 5mg oxy’s or 15-20 norcos per day. I know…it’s bad. But I have it in my head to quit once and for all and made my friends swear they wouldn’t give me any more. They are very helpful and the fact that I don’t pay for it makes me believe that they will truly stick by their word. I also told them that my Doctor thinks it’s eating a hole in my stomach. I told them this t scare them into not giving me anymore as well. It worked =)
So now I want to quit but am terrified. I could use some support. I understand I am a bad person and have made peace with the fact that I made mad decisions as well. I am ready to start over. Not just for my but for my 4 and 6 year olds as well. My wife deserves someone better for sure, but I am sure as hell going to try. Please don’t feel bad for me as I brought this on myself. I need only your support and suggestions please. With all my heart, please help. Thanks
So now I want to quit but am terrified. I could use some support. I understand I am a bad person and have made peace with the fact that I made mad decisions as well. I am ready to start over. Not just for my but for my 4 and 6 year olds as well. My wife deserves someone better for sure, but I am sure as hell going to try. Please don’t feel bad for me as I brought this on myself. I need only your support and suggestions please. With all my heart, please help. Thanks
Best Answer
You will feel such an amazing freedom in not counting/chasing after pills anymore. After the initial first few days or so, the time does start to speed up and then you don't find yourself thinking about them as much and the cravings minimize. Focus on each day is one day closer to being free. Each minute, hour, day you are clean is a celebration! One day at a time is our motto! (and it really does get better).
I've never posted here before, I've lurked around a bit. I too had ankle surgery, total reconstruction...twice in two years. I built a tolerance and had to take more in order to deal with the pain. As a mother of two young children it kills me to have to rely on pain medicine to be able to take care of my kids, or play with them for more than a half hr, I hate it. I'm so sick of this pill controlling my life. I want off of them so bad, but am terrified not only of the w/ds but of the pain again. I need help.
we are all pulling for you!! you can do this...and now that holidays are almost over maybe it will be easier?? just know that you will get support here and think about how good you will feel in a week or so....it's so worth it!! good luck with it all!!
Thank you everyone for the kind words and messages. I hate to admit it...but I relapsed on the 23rd. I used 18 Norco’s by the 24th. To be honest...I was miserable, grumpy, tired, and Christmas almost here. I was such a jerk to be around that I thought to myself, it's not fair to everyone...So to be 100% honest...I got some more pills through a very old source. It's amazing the ways we think about getting pills when we "think" our recourses are gone...anyway...I did get some and took em and had a wonderful Christmas with my family. Other than burning the Prime Rib, it was fantastic. But mainly because of Norco =( I am starting over. I haven’t had any since then and don't "plan" on having any again. I know have no excuses. I didn't play the "flu" card yet so I still have that. I'm sorry to let you guys down but I won't give up...it needs to stop. WD's should start by tonight so...wish me luck and a few prayers would be awesome. Thanks guys =(
Hey scot just wanted to offer my support. 56 days ago I was in the same boat as you. I had been on 120mg of oxy for almost a year and like you I knew it had to stop! I only missed one day of work during my detox so hopefully it won't be to bad for you. The imodium really helps with the wd but you need to get the crap (lol) out of you. I didn't take it the first day so my body could clease itself if that makes any sense. Just take it hour by hour and if you can't sleep don't fight it. Just get up and do something. I also wore pj's and socks to bed to help soak up the sweat and kept a heating pad on to help with the chills. Ride it out and before you know it you'll be feeling better. Feel free to message me if you need to. I'm on here quite a bit so let me know if I can help. It's really not as bad as we make it out to be. Make sure to get rid of all pills and sources because you will be tempted to use them especially when you can't sleep. Wishing you the best and I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers!
Wow, I thought I was losing my mind. What happened to Wilson, lol???
Glad you straightened that out and also that you sound so good.
Day 4 already. Now you just need to get your energy back and take on the world.
You are doing great.
Glad you straightened that out and also that you sound so good.
Day 4 already. Now you just need to get your energy back and take on the world.
You are doing great.
Hey how are you today. You're not a bad person at all..just have a small issue that will soon be a memory. Just think ,before you had the meds,where you able to go threw life,(yes). Taper down & quite!!
thank you!! and you will get there!! i am looking forward to day 60 now! you're doing all the right things.....i have kept mine a secret from family/friends too for now....when i get more clean time i will tell them i think but everyone is diff....some want to tell right away....but i just can't...but that's JUST ME!! good luck to you as well!! keep posting and letting us know how you are doing! i'll be on and off here all thru the holidays.....i'm on here every day at some point.
Thank you very much for the kind words. I am very proud of your 36 day spree! good job! I hope to get their as well. I think I will -=) Thanks again and good luck to you!!! =)
Hey guys. New nickname -Scot77. I can google wilson4pack and this forum comes up. Just another step keep this secret. Sorry for the change
hi Scot! just wanted to lend my support.....so glad you decided to take your life back....this site was a God send to me as well 36 days ago....i was on pain killers (hydro) for many many years and if it wasn't for this site and the people on here, i honestly don't think i would have made it this far....the support is awesome and i want to pay it forward.....ANY time you need to just vent or have questions just post away and we will be here for you....i admire you so much for working thru your WDs....i had the luxury of taking off 2 wks from both my jobs to get clean.....i could not have worked that first week for sure.....but i am alot older than you...hahaha! anyway....thanks for keeping us updated and just know you can PM if you have any questions you don't want on here.....good luck and oh yea....Happy Birthday late! my son's bday was the 20th :)
Oh...and I feel every ach and pain as if I ran a marathon and was in a car accident later that day....*****. Ibuprofen.....to the rescue
Day 4
Not too bad at all today. I had some weird cold sweats last night but they didn’t last too terribly long. I have been living on vitims lately and that seems to have been helping. My energy is the worst thing so far…I have 0. Just want to sleep all day. Today is my last day of work before Christmas. I will be back at work the following day (Dec 26th). I will post ASAP on that day.
So far so good. I was at my wits end when I logged on to this site the other day. Maybe it’s ignorance, or who knows, but I seemed to think I was alone in the world struggling with this. It’s funny, I watch Intervention pretty religiously these days and just completely feel for each individual. I watch their sobriety efforts and what it takes to get them clean. Seems to always be the same thing for the successful ones….MONEY. If you got money you can get clean and afford the help you need. But thank God for local meetings and free support like this site. Thank you all again for helping through what’s no doubt been the best decision of my entire life. I won’t go back…I can’t. Not after this. I have passed the point of no return mentally and want nothing but to move forward. I think about my kids a lot these days. I think about their future as adults and then worry about them getting exposed to pills or some other form of narcotic. Makes me want to put them both in a bubble and stand guard. LoL. I love my kids. More than I have ever loved anything. My new self appointed treatment is to stay clean and be a good Dad for my kids and a better husband. I have missed a lot this year and it makes me sad to think about it. But I am going to attempt some sort of mental block on the year and simply move forward (we’ll see).
Oh and guess what?. I told my mom….. She could not have been more understanding and more supportive. I figured her for a complete freak out. But I knew she would keep my secret. She has offered to keep this between her and me with the exception that I come straight to her in the event of a craving. Wow, what a great Mom….something funny that all mothers will probably say to you if you tell them…”I kinda knew honey.” LoL. Anywho, Thanks to you all for pointing me in the right direction. You are all Angels. I will keep you posted as much as possible. Love ya
Not too bad at all today. I had some weird cold sweats last night but they didn’t last too terribly long. I have been living on vitims lately and that seems to have been helping. My energy is the worst thing so far…I have 0. Just want to sleep all day. Today is my last day of work before Christmas. I will be back at work the following day (Dec 26th). I will post ASAP on that day.
So far so good. I was at my wits end when I logged on to this site the other day. Maybe it’s ignorance, or who knows, but I seemed to think I was alone in the world struggling with this. It’s funny, I watch Intervention pretty religiously these days and just completely feel for each individual. I watch their sobriety efforts and what it takes to get them clean. Seems to always be the same thing for the successful ones….MONEY. If you got money you can get clean and afford the help you need. But thank God for local meetings and free support like this site. Thank you all again for helping through what’s no doubt been the best decision of my entire life. I won’t go back…I can’t. Not after this. I have passed the point of no return mentally and want nothing but to move forward. I think about my kids a lot these days. I think about their future as adults and then worry about them getting exposed to pills or some other form of narcotic. Makes me want to put them both in a bubble and stand guard. LoL. I love my kids. More than I have ever loved anything. My new self appointed treatment is to stay clean and be a good Dad for my kids and a better husband. I have missed a lot this year and it makes me sad to think about it. But I am going to attempt some sort of mental block on the year and simply move forward (we’ll see).
Oh and guess what?. I told my mom….. She could not have been more understanding and more supportive. I figured her for a complete freak out. But I knew she would keep my secret. She has offered to keep this between her and me with the exception that I come straight to her in the event of a craving. Wow, what a great Mom….something funny that all mothers will probably say to you if you tell them…”I kinda knew honey.” LoL. Anywho, Thanks to you all for pointing me in the right direction. You are all Angels. I will keep you posted as much as possible. Love ya
You really have a great attitude. You are helping yourself along with all of us. Good for you for taking your life back for your kids and family. You are approaching all of this so well and you are going to make it! I was really achy too. I just took Tylenol and ibuprofen and that helped some. You are doing great....maybe it won't be as bad as you think it will be. It seems like this is the case most of the time. :)
I am glad you aren't experiencing full blown withdraws. Each time we go through them, they are different. Hopefullly the immodium you took yesterday helped stave it off some.
These posts motivate me everyday! And helping others along the way is just a bonus. Have a great birthday! Wait another 10 years...then you will really start to notice aches and pains you didn't even know could exist. LOL!
These posts motivate me everyday! And helping others along the way is just a bonus. Have a great birthday! Wait another 10 years...then you will really start to notice aches and pains you didn't even know could exist. LOL!
Day 2,
Welp I don’t know if my body is kicking the crap outa this or what but my WD’s aren’t that bad yet. Have yet to experience the “Tummy issues” I had the last time I tried quitting. But I think tomorrow my be the day. You are all right, I shouldn’t be dreading and looking with fear in waiting for the WD’s to start. I should be welcoming them as they bring with them my new life. I can already feel myself thinking much more clear than I have been. I slept great (thanks Ambian) but woke up around 430am with shakes and sweats. Some how I was able to shake them off and go back to bed (thank god!). So here I am again, at work.
It was cool, I had a sudden burst of energy reading your posts so thank you for that. I can’t tell you enough how excited I am to wake up, go to work, and just open the page and read all the new messages and posts for all of you….maybe it’s an attention thing…I don’t know, but to get this kind of support is a God send. You people don’t know it but you are saving my life…you are Angels. Thank you Thank you Thank you. And thanks for the Birthday wishes =) You guys mean a lot. I don’t really even know any of you, but I feel as though we are clutching hands and getting through this together. I thank you all my heart. I will keep you posted.
Ps…funny how when the pain killer’s stop, I remember how old I really am (32 today). Aches and pains EVERYWHERE =P
Welp I don’t know if my body is kicking the crap outa this or what but my WD’s aren’t that bad yet. Have yet to experience the “Tummy issues” I had the last time I tried quitting. But I think tomorrow my be the day. You are all right, I shouldn’t be dreading and looking with fear in waiting for the WD’s to start. I should be welcoming them as they bring with them my new life. I can already feel myself thinking much more clear than I have been. I slept great (thanks Ambian) but woke up around 430am with shakes and sweats. Some how I was able to shake them off and go back to bed (thank god!). So here I am again, at work.
It was cool, I had a sudden burst of energy reading your posts so thank you for that. I can’t tell you enough how excited I am to wake up, go to work, and just open the page and read all the new messages and posts for all of you….maybe it’s an attention thing…I don’t know, but to get this kind of support is a God send. You people don’t know it but you are saving my life…you are Angels. Thank you Thank you Thank you. And thanks for the Birthday wishes =) You guys mean a lot. I don’t really even know any of you, but I feel as though we are clutching hands and getting through this together. I thank you all my heart. I will keep you posted.
Ps…funny how when the pain killer’s stop, I remember how old I really am (32 today). Aches and pains EVERYWHERE =P
Hey there Mr. Wilson! Piece of cake! The "thinking" and mind games OF THE APPROACHING WD is the worst part... I was a basket case in the 7 days prior to running out of meds. I mean counting everyday and looking at the calendar for the next fill date. Those COUNT DOWN days to the start of the withdraw was terrible. Like many said, the first 3 days are not the best... but remember, only 3 days. Count back 3 days right now... it was Monday evening! The 4th day you'll be feeling better. After the 120 hour mark, SUPER MUCH BETTER........ there are so many wonderful people here... and many just reading and not posting. We are all here to support you. Fasten your seat belt... on for the most exciting 72 hours that we all dread but some enjoy because they do the WD dance over-and-over ... Game On! Stay with us! Good luck and drink lots of water!
Just wanted to add my support! Congratulations on the hard decision and day 1! Keep up the good work! Happy Birthday!
Cant really offer much more advice than has already been given but just wanted to throw my support your way. Youre doing the right thing! Just stay close to this forum, many will help you along the way...
You should never be ashamed. You are a good person who did bad things. If it were not for the drugs, would you have done those things? I think I know the answer.
I hope you jump a little more into aftercare. You can't do this alone--not when you were taking them to get high. One day, when you least expect it, the cravings will hit you and you won't have the tools to know what to do. Your first instinct will be a call one of those "friends" or yours. Hey, my stomach is all better now--false alarm. You got anything? ill be the conversation and you will be back in the throws of addiction.
Addiction does not end when you put the pill down. It is not about the drugs you use, it is about your behavior. You need to find out how to live clean and that you cannot do alone.
I wish you the best. Keep posting and asking questions. It is slow on the weekends and with Christmas coming up it will be even slower so be patient.
I hope you jump a little more into aftercare. You can't do this alone--not when you were taking them to get high. One day, when you least expect it, the cravings will hit you and you won't have the tools to know what to do. Your first instinct will be a call one of those "friends" or yours. Hey, my stomach is all better now--false alarm. You got anything? ill be the conversation and you will be back in the throws of addiction.
Addiction does not end when you put the pill down. It is not about the drugs you use, it is about your behavior. You need to find out how to live clean and that you cannot do alone.
I wish you the best. Keep posting and asking questions. It is slow on the weekends and with Christmas coming up it will be even slower so be patient.
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