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1810386 tn?1405549577

Am I Step backwards and starting again?

End of day 12 and so tired, sore and depressed I was searching for something to assist with sleep or vits, however I found my DOC - Codeine but was strong enough to throw the whole box out (30pills) and then found another another and was like WTF how the hell do I have some many hiding everywhere I don't even remember having these here, so felt good I threw another box away another 30pills... However I keep looking around found what I was looking for and then under that was a few Tramadol and before I knew it I was popping them down with the vitamins. These must have been left over from when I came back from Cambodia in Oct/ Nov...

Do I need to start counting back from day 1 or do I need to skip one day and go back to day 12? I feel SOOO stupid, I can understand why this happened I was in such a destructive mood and the lack of energy, low mood and the pain was too great... Should I give myself some ok-ness for not going ahead and taking the codeine and throwing it away or taking the tramadol is just as bad as I had issues with it about 2 or 3 years ago.

I feel physically yuck, anxiety and headaches are worse, and mentally I feel weird, like I know I'm doing the right thing, by this I mean the last 12 days have been the right thing and not by taking any drugs.

want to hear from others on this?
10 Responses
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Avatar universal
I have tried to reply back to your notes twice, and it won't let me.
So, all I have to say is, YOU GET BACK ON THAT BLOODY HORSE AND RIDE HIM LIKE THE WIND OK !!!
A relapse is a relapse, so what are you going to do about it. Your going to try, try and try again.
It doesn't matter how many times we fall, but how many times we get back up fighting.
You have the strength, the ability and the power to change your life.
Its damn hard to stop using drugs, especially when its all we have let ourselves know.
It is probably the hardest fight we will ever fight.
Your my friend and I am confident you will see this through to the end. Have faith in yourself and faith that you deserve a better life for you.
I am thinking of you and preying for your success.
We are all going through change with you. You will never be alone and we share your problems, remember that xx  : )
Helpful - 0
3197167 tn?1348968606
You're SHINING bright☼ now!!!  Self-honesty is where it all begins!

Keep rocking this recovery......we're rootin and tootin our horns for ya!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
You've got it!  Listen, there's not one thing about this that's easy so as long as you're THINKING and moving forward you'll keep ahead!  We're here...
Helpful - 0
1810386 tn?1405549577
I hear ya there...
Helpful - 0
1810386 tn?1405549577
Hi IBK, Vic and Clean,

You very much confirmed what I was beating around the bush about... I was looking for a Tylenol PM or valerian and some magnesium or something to help with RLS.. It's very clear that my drug seeking behaviour was at the forefront of my head but just aimed at a different pill and my brain was on a mission to get whatever it could... I've been to a few meetings and going to more. I've cleaned out all the codeine and tramadol and FCUK-ED them off..

I'll agree with you all and I'm back on day 1 today and honest, more so than I have ever been.

Thanks for the upfrontness and honesty guys :) as always
Helpful - 0
6901082 tn?1387721276
Proud of you for dumping the first 2!  I relapsed, however mine was a weeks worth so I started counting again. You had the strength to throw away.   But you need to go on how you feel.  I wish I could explain how mental all this is.  I don't want to repeat what has already been posted cause they are 100% on.  The mental is the hardest.  It controls how the body feels after a few weeks without.  We users need that substance (we think!!!) to feel good.  We don't but the mind tells us we do.  I play the mind games... listen to music, yoga breathing, remembering at the end of when I was using and how miserable I was,  anything to try and get that 'urge' or whatever it is out of my mind.  The number of days matters but what really matters is getting back to a physical health first and then conquering the addiction.  You take it minute by minute at times, then day by day.  I sometimes think that once we become users and work to the other side we are stronger than most people.  I remember life before and decisions are easier sober, being happy is easier.  Drugs just suck.... They control... I chose not to be controlled.  Good luck... keep going... you are better than a damn pill..
Helpful - 0
3197167 tn?1348968606
Have to agree with IBK and Vicki.....it's time to clean ALL addictive meds of any kind out of your house.  Tramadol is a synthetic opiate....and the "pill seeking" is where we mess up.  We are trying to learn to get well without using a pill for every little thing.

As addicts, if we have access to an addictive med.....they end up in our mouths.  Your 12 days taught you something.....and your clean clock is something you need to be honest and comfortable with yourself.  I would have to start mine over....but that's just me~
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
IBK and I writing at the same time!  (I'm slow)   Great minds...
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Well...you relapsed before you swallowed the Tramadol. Can you see that?

You can handle it anyway you want, of course, but generally speaking...you start over and begin again at day one.

What was the sleep med you were looking for?  You know, we become so accustomed to running for a pill to fix every little thing! I think that's the hardest to change...that way of thinking. But that's where your focus needs to be right now. Especially in these early days of sobriety... Can you look at ways to treat some of your symptoms with more natural supplements? Diet?

Keep pushing on!  What happened here is not unusual at all! Believe me!!
Helpful - 0
271792 tn?1334979657
I have been where you are and when it was me I called it a relapse. Anytime I take something to feel good that is not prescribed as it is intended, it is a relapse. I don't believe in slips and hiccups and all that. I used and that is that. I start over.

However you decide to count it...are you sure everything is out of the house? Make certain so that you are not tempted.

Now what are you going todo about going forward to assure that this won't happen again? Are you considering aftercare?
Helpful - 0
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