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Anger and other demons

Hello out there and thank god for all of you. I am detoxing off of fiorinal with codeine,,,,,day 14. I had been taking about 8-10 pills daily for four years. It has been hell and it does not seem to get better. Is it REALLY worth it? I feel like it is not.....but well you know that song....

Anyway...my b/f came for the weekend to be supportive...he is great and always very soothing to me. But over those three days I absolutely went crazy on him. My anger was of epic proportions and came out of nowhere...ditto with the anxiety I feel now that he is gone. Seems like this is worse than all of the muscle pain, runs, throwing up paranoia, sleeplessness, etc, etc.

Please...it this NORMAL? I am detoxing by myself and it is scaring the bezeesus out of me. When  I found this forum I read it until I was delirious!!! EXTREMELY helpful and informative. Finally I just had to reach out. I appreciate anyone who has the time or space for answering this....
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Avatar universal
You sound absolutely amazing. Very inspiring. I love hearing about your journey.

I have my nine year old grandson to look after this month....just one of those things that happened....so I HAVE to be active and positive and all of that. He is a living doll and makes that easy, actually...

But yes, finding out about me, why I thought I needed the damn pills in the first place and realizing all that they actually robbed from me in the form of self esteem and freedom. Really pathetic, ...but that's the past .So I think I will just leave it there where it belongs.

You have come a long long way...I am sorry I do not know your story. How long have you been clean and sober?

Here's to a big fat EmergencC,,,,I LOVE that idea...Bravo,,,,I am taking a benedryl and hope for some sleep...

Nite-night!
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Avatar universal
Yeah, I felt invincible, but I'm not. You'be come a long way. There's no looking back now. I drink Emergen C, it makes water go down and isn't so sweet as other things like Gatorade, but hey, drink whatever, but lots of it. Try some herbal sun tea. Make sure that gallon is gone each day. It takes awhile to get motivated, but you will. The anxiety is another story. Time didn't make that go away by itself. I started learning about myself. I realized I was viewing myself through my intentions rather than my actions. I found out I have many intense resentments. I formed an aftercare support of family and other addicts who had been through it. That's the mental part, that's NA/AA, therapy, church, anything to encourage me to be who I intend to be. I've learned about my trigger's and coping skills. Little parts of all of it keep me sober one day at a time. I've met a lot off cool people and started feeling good about myself, better anyway. I 'll never be perfect, but I gotta keep trying to be better. Not feel good, but be good. Feeling good is a side effect. Just like addiction is a side effect. It does keep getting better and better. Old timers with 20 years say it's still getting better. I can do more than imagine it.
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Avatar universal
Dang Weaver,,,,,you really saved my day. Like REALLY. Each word was pure poetry.

Yeah...the drinking water thing....I forget. I drink a lot of tea and get anxious....probably the caffeine (duh, ya think?)

Yes, I know it is worth it. I DO want my life back. I was just in the hole today....small things overwhelm me....I used to be a powerhouse type of person....but now I know it was the drugs. They made me feel invincible.

and I miss it.

But here's to a new life. Like being reborn.

Thanks a million!
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Avatar universal
You are experiencing detox, you are having normal symptoms. If you are healthy otherwise, it will not kill you. Try to relax, I know it's hard. Know that it is the drugs, you are doing the best thing you can be. Drink, drink, drink, force yourself. Try to move around and occupied. It will pass. You are getting your life back, it is so worth it. You know it is, or you would have never stopped. Hang in there, stay in the moment. You CAN do this. Keep posting and reading.
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