Annnddd....here i am again!

[motye51]

At this point, I'm at a loss for words.  I'm at a loss actually in my heart.  It feels weird.......about 2 years ago I came on here to get advice from other recovering addicts ( as I am one!) about my middle son that I found out was shooting heroin.  

I find myself here again, with the same son.  Hurricane Ida hurt us quite a bit and a tree went through the bedroom of a rental house we have that he, his wife and my grandson live in (rent free, fyi).  They moved in with us immediately after the storm.  At first I thought it was the stress of the storm that was weighing on him but then things took a turn for the worst.  He accused his wife of having an affair and their arguements went on in our house where we could hear everything.  Over the last 2 weeks he became psychotic???  He took a break from reality claiming people were putting poison in his coffee and that people were following him.  Everytime I try to talk to him about what was happening he would jump in my face yelling.  Last night was the last draw and I finally told him I was calling our local coroner's office and having him temporarily committed for 72 hours b/c I swear to God I thought he had lost his mind.  I made my youngest son take my grandson upstairs to his bedroom and proceeded to have it out with my son and his wife.  It took about 2 hours but I finally got him to admit that he's been withdrawing off of heroin AGAIN since the day after the storm.  His wife has been taking valium almost daily and has been nodding out in my living room.  

I have managed to surround myself with addicts that ALL need help, my son, my husband, my son's wife..........and NONE OF THEM will listen!!!!!  They all think they know?  They think if they just remove the drugs all will be ok and I KNOW BETTER!!!  That's not how this works!  The problem isn't the drugs, it's US!  I'm getting ready to make a list of requirements for my son in order for us to help him financially.  He wants to go get put on suboxone.  I'm freakin petrified since that was the drug I came off of and brought me here to this website.  My husband is on suboxone, now my son wants to get on it?  My husband can't get off..........we are addicts, with no therapy and ONLY med switching, we are doomed to repeat the same behavior.  
I'm lost today........real tired and deflated.  N/A in my area is dwindling b/c of Covid and now the hurricane.  Just needed to write this down I guess.

[Cesi90]

how sorry I am that you are going through this, keep calm, pray ask God for your serenity in the face of all this problem, but you should sit at a table as a family, and look at all the possibilities you may have to get off the medications, you can do it all together at the same time!  include god first in everything !!  my heart is with you, I send you a hug

[motye51]

I am off and have been off the subs for over 7 years....my husband has been on since 2012 and he's completely stuck! We own a business and to shut it down is what we would have to do. My son works with us! Like father like son....they're like mirror images of each other. I trust in God, always have, it's hard to help people that think they know better.

[KLB84]

Hey sweetheart, I'm so sorry your dealing with this. You know that I know the pain of coming off subs, but I have to ask - is your husband stable and thriving? I've known a few people who got on subs for life and it was the better option for them... Better than heroin or oxys anyway. They were able to live a productive life... Maybe that's your husband?
Probably not your son though. Sounds like he's in a different situation... I hate hate hate to say this but he may still need to hit rock bottom. My baby just turned one and I can't imagine a day where I'd have to let her hit rock bottom so I know it's easier said than done but it sounds like you already know and are preparing to let it happen if need be. Praying for you to have strength and wisdom.

[motye51]

So yesterday I had to leave work and bring my son to Odessey House in New Orleans for detox.  NO MATTER how hard I try, this was the only option at this point.  He will then be entering a 28 day program.  I'm scared ******** but I KNOW he can do this.....I just don't know if he WANTS to do this?  When you get cornered and have no more options...........I don't know.  However, when I got home and spoke with his wife (they are living with us due to Hurricane Ida) it was told to me that his wife is in just as much trouble.  I'm at a loss people...........she doesn't want to involve her family b/c they will blame my son (and I can't say that I would blame them!)  Do I help her without involving her parents?  Will my son be able to handle it if he gets out of treatment and his wife is gone?  I know I didn't cause this.......but I sure as hell am trying to FIX (control) it!!!  My good old fashioned addict behavior is totally showing!  I'm talking with my sponsor but I'm still not sure.  I find it so much easier to help people that AREN'T MY CHILDREN!!!!!  Even though I know what I should do.........it's hard to do.

[mombojombo]

Ahhh.  I'm feeling this deeply motye. How are things? I think your son's wife needs help too if they have any chance of surviving and being together after recovery. I can totally understand the hard and painful reality of doing what we have to do for our kids. They are so inside of us.  I can hurt me.  I would do anything to not hurt my kids. But you know you aren't.  You are helping to save him. Let me know how you are doing.  Sending you the strongest of cyber hugs.

[motye51]

Well........if I EVER needed to hold onto my recovery NOW IS THE TIME!!!
I brought my son on Thursday, Oct 7th to Odessy House in NO and his wife was going to attempt to get clean at my house.  I ended up having to tell her parents because she had a seizure (2 actually) on Monday morning at 4:00 a.m.  I had to call 911 and the EMT's came.  She ended up in the hospital for a week.  I called her parents and told them what was going on.  I told them EVERYTHING after apologizing profusely for not telling them sooner.  My daughter in law decided NOT to be as forthcoming as she told her parents about some....but not all of what they were doing.........and they've decided to believe her.  It took her 2 full days even to come to.......she didn't know where she was or who she was.  This was...........it just was.  We are now in a whole different debocle b/c she's not really wanting to do anything to get into recovery and my son is.  She is now living with her parents.  The cat is out of the bag and I'm not really sure that admitting to some and not all things, is serving anyone now.

In this process, as usual, we as parents put ourselves on the back burner, of which is ok as long as I stay totally vigilant with MY recovery.  If it's attraction rather than promotion all I keep thinking is continue going to meetings, talking with my sponsor, doing volunteer work and be an example.  But it's hard.   This will be a hard, but doable journey, for both of them if they want it.  Not sure where this will go.........my son worked with us.  How could we not see all of this right under our noses???  They lived in a house right next to our business???  I always knew my son was a liar (like pathological) but NEVER in my wildest dreams did I think his wife was.  They've been lying for each other.  The last time we brought our son home to detox him off of it they NEVER told us it was really both of them.  So was she still using heroin while my son was trying to get off it?  This is such a messed up situation I'm not sure if I can handle it.........but I sure as hell know that me using won't help it.

[dominosarah]

How are things going now motey?

[Kelcoo]

Hi motye51,

It’s time to cut your son loose and let him live his life.  Do you really want someone high working for you?  There’s so much drama that isn’t your problem.  Seriously I expect this from newbies not from someone working a program with a sponsor.  Sometimes it takes someone else to tell you what they see.      Your right in putting yourself first.  Using isn’t an option.  I live with my daughter and no one drinks or uses drugs.  Life is simple and things make sense.

[motye51]

Well, as of right now, my daughter in law has been clean since October 9th....she's doing outpatient at a local facility and going to meetings daily.  She's back living with her parents (with my grandson) and seems to be doing well.  I speak to her every day and her parents.  My son, however, has left treatment early and moved in with some dude he met in treatment.  Because of the decision he made..........he's on his own.  No money, no car, no job, nothing.  So far, my husband is our family's weakest link so we all have to stay on top of him.  My son knows who the weakest link is so that's the one he calls for smokes, and money, etc.... The answer is NO.  He swears up and down he's clean and we're all a bunch of a**holes for not believing him.  That's ok....he can believe what he needs to.  He knows where we are and when he's ready, we will be there.  

The last 2 months have been exhausting.  I'm still clean!