Im a failure.....

[Godwilling24]

I take lortabs because of my knee and because I am unhappy with my life. So not only does it take the pain away but it makes me happy and I have a ton of energy. I get 120 pink 10s a month I take 3-4 a day but it never seems to be enough I have tried to taper off it didn't work as soon as I was able to get my meds refilled I did . My husband took my meds away from me yesterday and flushed them ( talk about hard to watch) my biggest fear is the WDS and the pain of my knee. Right now I am sweating like a crazy person. I had him go to the store and get some pep toe and he came back with red bulls, aspirin,  apple sauce for energy, and the pep toe so far it is helping but I still want one of Corse I guess im just not a strong person . This has got to be the hardest things I have ever done . To tell you the truth I don't want to have to depend on meds to get me through the day I have done that for to long my family deserves more then that from me I deserve more out of life I just feel like I have failed everyone by being so weak and wanting to give in .................

[BigAl13]

Your husband is not a detox specialist. If he just threw you pills away he sounds like an idiot to me. You need to be medically detoxed and not by your dip **** husband.

[OpenMind24hours]

Same question Ailey asked; support system?? With a good support system you're not alone with the disease and you're accountable with a group of other addicted people. It sure makes it much easier.

[ariley13]

Don't be so hard on yourself. Almost everyone relapses. You just have to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and try again. You are strong enough to do this, even if you don't realize it yet, Do you have a plan for aftercare set up? What is your support system like?

[Godwilling24]

I am a failure because I am not strong enough to do it . I failed .

[jifmoc]

Wow, you got great advice. Look, you're in the thick of it now, and doing so well. You're gonna feel better physically before you know it. OMG, you are so not a failure.  You are one the people that ADMIT it: know how courageous that is? And TRY to do something about it. Really try. This takes such GUTS. So, get that word outta your vocabulary!!:)

[Overwhelmed10]

I want to offer you support and encouragement! You can do this! Stay close to this site!  And you are NOT a failure! It's very hard, but it is very do-able once you make the decision to quit and stick with it.  Best of luck and hugs.  

[Godwilling24]

42 hours and still going with it today is a better day!

[OpenMind24hours]

But when you think about it you're actually doing it!! You're going through it and your winning this battle. It's so great that you keep posting. You really want this, and with that willingness you will succeed. You've turned it over and you've asked for help. That's the big difference between success and failure. (I think your forum handle helps also Godwilling!) Keep on keeping on, you're absolutely the next miracle on here.

[Godwilling24]

I am still going strong I took some Benadryl to help me sleep but today is a new day and all I can think about are the meds.... I just keep telling myself live in the now. One Min, one hour, one day at a time. IT IS HARD.  

[3Xs_U_R_Out]

"True love comes from hearts, not CVS"...... LOVE THAT!

[kyle505]

OK. This is what I can tell you based only on personal experience. We are all different; our detox times are different; our recovery times and approaches are different; and the way we see/accept/understand/live with our addiction is different.
So, for me - I don't know why I'm an addict, and I've come to the conclusion that - at this moment in time - accepting the fact that I AM is more important than finding the root or cause of my addiction. (Don't get me wrong - I am doing that work, but staying clean in the interim is more important).  Thus, it is something that you will live with forever. Our brains are wired differently. Others may not agree, but I feel the minute you let your guard down - when you think YOU can control the addiction, you relapse.
Now on the bright side. The thing that scared me the most about stopping was living life without meds. I've posted this before - one day towards the end of my pill popping (11 to 12 Norco 10's a day) I was watching my wife and her mom putting together a jigsaw puzzle. For hours they sat, talked, laughed - it was just pure joy and contentment. And all they ingested was water. I was envious - I wanted that but knew that without pills it could never, ever happen for me...WRONG. Today I'm 17 months clean; life is wonderful. I regret not detoxing sooner. And now I can sit at a jigsaw puzzle with the best of them. I am happy; I am content within myself.
So I promise - get and stay clean and you will enjoy life more than you ever have.
K

[OpenMind24hours]

Life changing where you'll know a new happiness, you'll have peace and serenity in your life. You'll no longer feel like a failure.

When I was using I'd write on my phone's note pad "stop". I wrote that quite a few times. I wanted to stop but was afraid to. Scared of the detoxing that lay ahead. Worried about craving after. ...one of my favorite sayings by Mark Twain: "I'm an old man who's seen lots of trouble, most of which never happened". All the stuff I worried about never came to be. I'm so happy to be free from Vicodin, I have my life back.

Stay in the now Godwilling. Not yesterday and not tomorrow. You add those two days on today, that's quite a load to handle. Take this one day at a time. Today nothing is effecting your breathing. Tomorrow has yet to come.

[selfinduced]

Great questions! I am heading to try for sleep. but others will be along to shed some light on your concerns. Stay the course. You just need more time. Treat yourself nice, eat heathy, drink alot of protein , plenty of water. Tomorrows a new day,.......

[Godwilling24]

I have been taking them for 4 years . I know my husband is doing this to help me but the only question that keeps running through my mind is will my life ever get back to the norm. I have read where others say you go through WD for a few days but you continue to be at a constant battle with your mind. When you say this will be life changing I just wonder in what way?


I just keep going back and forth to be honest today has been a ok day besides fact that I am a walking sona and  the mutable times sI have thought about the meds.
    

[selfinduced]

Excellent post. These drugs have us thinking we are failures and that this is as good as it gets. Those are REAL feelings. Just know as your mind heals your perception of things will greatly differ. Listen to Openminded. His words ring so true. You can do this and join the living again.

[FourJays]

You are not weak and you are not a failure.  You did not chose to become addicted to these pills, right?  And you say that the pills make you happy and they give you energy . . . trust me, this does not last.  That is what they do In the beginning.  They did if for me for several years if fact.  But then they turned on me and soon the 'highs' and good feelings and energy were long gone.  I needed them just to NOT be sick.  And I needed more and more and more of them.  This will be one of the hardest things you ever do, but it will be the BEST thing you ever do.  The first few days are hard but they will pass.  You will feel better.  Try to push away the negative thoughts as much as possible.  Your family does deserve more, and most importantly YOU deserve more.  You can do this.  Stay here and keep posting; there are many people who have been where you are and some that are right now.  The support is unbelievable and will help you so much through this process....hang in there.  This small investment of time will pay off a thousand times over in the long run :)

[OpenMind24hours]

I'm joining in: NOT a failure, the stuff's addictive, I'm here to tell ya. I got hooked on Vicodin and now I'm recovering. You're not weak, you're the opposite. You're awesome, because You want freedom so bad you have asked for help and that means you're about to beat this. You'll put it in your history book. It will be in your past, and you will not regret the past.

You said what you take is not enough. That's how insidious this addiction is.  1 is too many and 1000 is never enough. We use to live and live to use. You say it makes you happy. If you remember "before", that's true happiness. Drug happiness is plastic and it goes away as the drug wears off. True happiness comes from our hearts, not CVS.

Sure you want one, that's what the stuff does. That is when you take it one minute, one hour and one day at a time. The bad WD stuff only last a short time during detox. Some aggravating stuff last a couple of weeks after, but it's nothing compared to the freedom you will experience when it's all over. And you'll hold your head up high because you beat this. So keep on keeping on. You're going to do this!

[kyle505]

You are not a failure. And let's get this right up front - try to avoid the drama, even if that's what you're feeling. You'll get bogged down in it and right now you have too much work to do.
How long have you been using? Months; years? And another thing to consider - you probably are unhappy with your life BECAUSE of the meds. It's an endless cycle.  The detox will be tough - and life changing.
There are great people here; lots of help and support. But you have to do the work. Hang in there.
K

[ImDONENoMore]

You're not a failure,  You're addicted.  There is a huge difference between the two.

Let your hubby help you (mine did).  You'll be pissed off at him (life, whatever) for a while but this will END.  You will begin to feel better and I promise you, you won't know how to thank him for getting you there.

Lose the negative thoughts... it will be hard to do that for a while but it's important.  This decision is a GREAT one.  Feel proud of that, no matter how it came about, you're doing it.  And for right now, that's all that matters.  :)