Back in the fight today!

[Gonnastop]

Thanks to all of you for getting me through yesterday.  It was truly the worst day of suffering I can remember but I'm back and ready for the fight.

The crippling anxiety/depression has lifted to tolerable levels and my head has cleared to a point where I can think clearly.  Must admit though...the thought of that happening again scares me but hopefully I'll be able to recognize it and know how to react.

I'm ready again to look this beast in the eye and fight for my life.  

GIVING IT THE FINGER....AGAIN!

[Jimmy1975]

Good for you ! Keep fighting and you will come on top ! Congrats ! Jimmy

[cleanguy]

Oklahoma has a good NA site. Www.okna.org ... seems to be quite a few. Give it a try!

[kyle505]

I just read through this. You got a lot of great advice. But - to me anyway - it sounds like you're already making excuses and paving the way to an eventual relapse. Sarah made a great point - no, two great points - take the cash you wasted on your addiction and use it to get help, OR, use it for gas money and get to an NA meeting.
Talking about looking the devil in the eye is just romanticizing the addiction. Stop the foolishness and cut all sources, tell your secret and get after care. Simple. Remember that old saying - when you dance with the devil, the devil changes you, you don't change the devil.

[ImDONENoMore]

GS - you're doing it again.  You think you can do this on your own without reaching out for some kind of aftercare/help in person.  The forum is great, yes, but is the forum going to take those pills out of your hand the next time you're close to a relapse????  NO it's not.

Like sara said, take the money you spent on the pills and apply that toward aftercare.  And meetings?  They're free.  You can afford those.

You HAVE to do something different this time or you'll make the same mistakes.

[Inkgirl76]

Worrying about the anxiety will only cause more problems as I'm sure you know. I can THINK about how i felt day 2 with the panic attacks, and I can FEEL my heart rate go up. Sometimes it's so bad we can work ourselves up into a frenzy :/ Staying active has helped more than anything :)

[Sonrissa]

I'm so glad you worked through it! I knew you could! I have confidence and faith in you! Keep posting, and keep moving forward one step at a time! Take care!

[dominosarah]

Take the money you spent on pills and apply it towards some sort of therapy.  Alot of us chose NA as it didnt cost anything.  It works if you work it~

[nursegirl6572]

There are options for people with no insurance or little income...you need to start looking.  Have you CHECKED with your insurance?  They don't cover any form of psychotherapy?  Call them and ask what your options are.  They should cover SOME kind of mental health care.  If that doesn't work...start making other calls. There's help out there.  Start calling doctors, hospitals, your local county.  Some places work on a sliding scale, some will make payment arrangements.  Some counties will offer free mental health help.

This place is a great resource, a great place for info and support, but it should never be substituted for real, in person help.  I've lived with panic disorder my whole life...and have a resulting secondary depression.  My advice comes from learning that sometimes these porblems are bigger than we are.

Unfortunately, there's a pretty good chance you'll have a reoccurence of what you felt yesterday.  You need to be ready and equipped to deal with that.  It almost sounds like a panic attack.  If that's what it was....chance of a repeat performance are good, unfortunately.  Please don't try to do this alone, and with just this forum.  Finding help sometimes involves some work, but it will be worth it.  Please think about it.

[ImGettingClean]

Hi there; have you tried NA Meetings? Those r free.

I've personally been going in circles with relapse after relapse and now I'm giving NA a shot. It's been 3 days and at first it was weird but now I kinda enjoy it.

Keep up the fight.

Nick

[selfinduced]

understand,,,,, you will do this!  We can help

[Norco1947]

Hi Gonna ,
You made my day , You fell down and got back up . Use this site for advise & support were here for you .... Ron

[Gonnastop]

Any type of professional help is not an option for me financially at this time.  Insurance won't cover that so I've got to do this on my own.

So...this is where you guys come in.  I'll be leaning on all of you pretty heavy these next few weeks.

[selfinduced]

It's all you with any support you can surround yourself with. You know your days are numbered on this path, you've got too much to live for. KICK BUTT and get this nonsense over with. I believe in you!

[nursegirl6572]

That's great!!!  You're tough, you're a fighter!

"Must admit though...the thought of that happening again scares me but hopefully I'll be able to recognize it and know how to react. "

This is exactly why you need to reach out for some professional help.  It WILL help you learn how to cope with this kind of thing, should it happen again.  Of course you know, popping a pain pill isn't the answer.  You also can start working on exploring the issues that brought you here...and get some closure on them.

PLEASE do that..,.you'd be arming yourself with more tools to fight!  

[jlannspr]

great, stand up and fight!

[otoh]

YIIPPPEEEE !  YAY!!!  we're with you.