Back on track, but how do I deal with the things I have no control over?

[haley726]

after Friday's disaster I prayed a lot about the direction of my life and it has made me even more determined to get my life right for me and my family. But when the going gets rough... it get rough. My gandfather, who happens to be the greatest man I have ever known, found out he has mutiple myeloma 2 weeks ago. Ofcourse the week I started detox from methadone. And after the 1st week of detox that my husband and I were doing together, he gave up and has been on a major binge.I know God has a reason, it    just seems to be horrible timing, but maybe that's   God trying to show me how strong I can be. I don't know anything for sure, really. But my question is... How do I get through the things I have no control over? In my heart I know to leave it to God, but in my mind I can't let it go. This may not be so much of a drug abuse question... But I have met such great and supportive people here that I just want some feedback from you.

[BrotherFrankie]

i use this when i run small groups..
The Life Recovery Workbook: A Biblical Guide through the Twelve Steps

its on amazon and cheap... use it with a life recovery bible.

I work with addicts from all lifestyles.. professionals , moms, dads, homeless...

its a good way to walk towards christ while using biblical principals..

need help, shoot me an email..

Brother Frankie

[haley726]

I know He has always been with me, it was me that quieted Him in my soul when I was numbed from the pain meds and methadone. And there is no explanation of how grateful I am that I have been flooded with emotion from the Holy Spirit now that I am getting my life back. It is true that when you are ready for God to help you in your life, He is willing and waiting. I have just been numbed for 4 years from the drugs that the doctors said I needed and it is overwhelming to feel so much again. I am grateful, but overwhelmed. I am trying to learn to let go again and give it to God, because I do NOT have the control of the world. I have always feared losing my loved ones ever since I was young. Maybe God put that on me to help me appreciate every  day I have, I don't know. But my heart just breaks for my grandfather. It is truly like I have already mourned his death insted of enjoying how much time he has left. He has been my mentor in my faith and I know I will see him again after he does pass. I just wish my mind didn't obsess over these things I know I have no control over. I try to give it to God and it does help in the back of my mind, but in the front of my mind it just runs through it all day long. I have decided, though, I would rather feel all the emotion in the world than to numb it with methadone again. But sometimes in those dark hours when I can't sleep and am all alone I just think... maybe this is the wrong time to be going through w/ds. Maybe this depression is compounded by the fact I do have a tragedy happening in my life. So far I haven't given in because I want to feel emotion more than anything. The way I try to look at it is God did this for a reason, to show how much stronger I am than I thought and to give me my heart back right when I needed it. Do you have any reading suggestions or maybe a workbook to help me dive right in and figure things out? I am just overwhelmed...

[BrotherFrankie]

dear one, if you are truly "saved" the Lord nor HIs holy Spirit NEVER leaves you..

what would you do with the new heart you received, or the Mind of Christ we received?

Think of it this way, u r sick and hurt.. need a first responder? 911

John 14:16; And I will pray the Father, and He will give you another Helper, that He may abide
with you forever”.

Haely, the key word is forever...

The very promise of a Helper means we need help.

The word “Helper” is the Greek noun Parakletos.

The word itself means one who is called alongside to render help, or aid, or comfort. I think of
Parakletos as a supernatural first responder.

U r loved greatly..
Brother Frankie

[0421]

I live with my husband in contol of all things, so with pain, and not wanting to deal with him I coped out with vicoden. My faith faltered a few times while trying to get off them, but without it I could not go on. so am praying for you and believe in yourself and in God. I think the two go hand and hand,, good luck and prayers to you, Bethany

[reallyneedhelp76]

I don't know if this will help, but here's a different perspective to answer your question:
You handle what you cant control by handling what you CAN control, youself.  God gave each of us freewill and we can use that however we want.  Only you can control your addiction. I am a FIRM believer of mind over matter, so maybe this time around you should spend more time looking inside and empowering yourself of what you CAN do!  Good luck.

[Dav125]

Serenity Prayer..Your answer lies there..Try, then try again. Its a hard thing to understand at first but once you grasp the meaning, it will help you in ways you never even thought possible...Dav.

[haley726]

I'm feeling really overwhelmed and just need some prayers and guidance...

[haley726]

it is really encouraging to hear people say that I have given other people strength, because it is all I can do to get out of bed in the mornings. And, yes, the drugs do make you numb. That is one reason I want out. I want to live life again and feel again like I used to before the drugs. I know God will walk me through it, but I'm just in a hurry to slowly make it out of this hole I've dug, you know. And I am in no position to "preach" to anyone right now, but if you have God in your heart and you know Jesus as your saviour, He WILL help you with your demons and help you fill the hole in your heart where no emotion is anymore. If there is anyone who can make you whole again... turn to God and He will fill you with the emotions you haven't felt in years. All you have to do is ask. Thank you for your prayers. God Bless.

[BlueOpiate]

I already said a prayer for you :) .  Dealing with a loved one who is ill and having one pass is enough to get anyone depressed.  Throwing in quitting a drug habit, well, that pretty much makes in the hardest by far.  But look at what you have done already!  During all these dark hours you have the strength to get clean!  I know myself and if these things were going on with me I would have failed.  I am recovering now, 10 days no abuse but 10 days on sub.  Not much by the way of terrible things is going on in my life right now which is why I am preparing to deal with bad things now in a way that doesn't involve drugs.  Just reading everything you are going through and knowing you got clean has given me, and I am sure many others, strength to keep moving forward.  I thought to myself if you can quit while handling terrible things going on then I have no excuse to use, ever.  I use to wear my heart on my sleeve but I don't think I would say that about you right now.  It's okay to be hurt, scared, depressed, down, all those things when times are hard.  It's not okay for us to abuse drugs during these times, it just makes everything worse in the long run.  Your story has given me strength to know I can do this.  You can look to your grandfather for your strength.  You said he is your mentor in faith, this very kind and loving act he did for you will not go unnoticed by god.  When his time comes, like all ours will, be will pass in a state of grace.  Take comfort in knowing this.  I can't say for sure if I will or even if I'm saved.  I have a lot of demons in my closet that I can't make right anymore.  It's okay to be sad, at least you can feel sad which is how you know how important people are to you.  I think I have done some serious damage to my brain and I am having a hard time feeling much emotion at all right now.  The only thing keeping me clean is I don't want my children to feel shame when they are older or be embarasded(s,check) by what their father is, they are innocent victims.  They didn't ask to come into this world, I brought them in and it's about them now, not me.  God bless you and your family, I will say another prayer for you.

[haley726]

...got cut off. Anyways, hard for anyone, but for me it is something I have been scared off since I was 10 years old. At least once a week I ask myself how long will my loved ones be with me. I have cryed more in my life for my family that isn't even gone yet than I think most people do when they actually loose someone. I know my family will be with God when they do go, but this has always been my demon and the only one who can help me through that is God. Right now though, I am going through the depression w/ds and losing someone I love, so I need a lot of support to stay strong to stay away from drugs and to stay strong for my family. I have met a lot of wonderful people here, and if you feel the need to pray for me to get through this it would really help. Thanks for the kind words and the support. Reading that helps me in itself.

[haley726]

do you mean you didn't get the copy of my "haley is in control" book. :) that made me laugh cause that's how I feel. And when I get overwhelmed I just shut down completely. That is my mental demon... But it just seems like when it rains it pours. I just have to keep telling myself He is in control over and over... until I believe it again. I just felt like I have conquered the world quiting methadone alone. And of course it hurt (understatement of the year) and I know depression is part of it, but God is really testing me and trying to show me just how strong I am cause He knows my demons and He knows I have ALWAYS ALWAYS even since a little girl had a problem dealing with  death of loved ones. I have obsessed about it to where I have almost mourned them already. Is that crazy? Now that my mentor in faith and life, my grandfather, is newly diagnoses (3 weeks ago) with cancer and is suffering, my life-long fears are coming true. It is hard for anyone to go trhough that

[BlueOpiate]

I mean this in a nice way.  Please show us all in what book is says "haley has to have control over everything and everything has to go her way".  I use to obsess about things, still do to some degree.  I would get very upset about things others would do.  You, I, everyone, has little control over the world and what other people do to others and ourselves.  It's not meant to be that way nor will it ever be that way.  You have no power over what happens or what other people do, none.  There are things people will do and events that will happen that make us feel bad or hurt us.  Life is not always nice, fun, or there for us.  In fact, life can be down right a mean, cold hearted son-of-a-bi tch.  I see you have faith in jesus which is a very good thing.  I have faith in him to.  During my drug abuse I questioned my faith because of course I thought many people were against me.  Some were, most were not, but I asked "where is my savior when I need him the most"  He was always there watching and waiting for me  to HELP MYSELF.  When I decided to help myself I realized he carried me during my worst times.  You have gotten clean which I am very happy to read about.  It's okay for you to ask him to help you understand things and keep clean.  I am not a super religious man, but you don't have to be to have faith and seek help from the only one who has power over the world.  I hope you find peace in your heart to surrender to all the unknowns the world throws at us.  You really sound like a wonderful person and I wish I had more people like you in my family.  You sound like you care for others greatly.  This does not go unnoticed by your family and friends even thou sometimes it may feel that way.  You are probably many people's guiding light in your family and they need you.  Please, just try to surrender to the things you can't control.  Congrats on you wanting to be rid of this horrible addiction, I'm pulling for you.

[haley726]

I have been a southern baptist all my life. That is how I know I am missing the Holy Spirit in my life with drugs, partying, etc... And He is still there reaching out for me because every time I am in chrurch or studying the Bible I am flooded with emotions. I know what I have to do, but I grew up in a church that seems to be very hypicritical to my past... (lapse in church, party girl, pregnant before I got married, even though I did marry him) I just need a place to be close to God without the looks and whispers. And without the support of my husband I am scared to walk into a new church with my 2 kids. Ridiculous, huh? And seeing my grandfather fight this cancer just brings me further down. He says he is ready to go to Heaven, but worries about all of us. That just breaks my heart. I feel like I have failed God, my children, my family and myself. I know depression comes with the w/ds, but come on... throw a dog a bone, you know. It is just all so much and I don't know how to start to get back to where I was 5 years ago with how horrible the world feels. I ask God to help me, but then it turns more into help my grandfather and my family. This doesn't not feel like a time to be selfish to my own needs, even though I need help.

[atthebeach]

hey hun. you are in the 14 day range. congrats. that is awesome. how are you feeling? physically,mentally,emotionally?  that is the $1 million question. how do i deal with life? well sometimes not so great isnt that the reason so many use and abuse drugs to forget about and deal with the things life throws at us each day. life can definitely be painful. it can also be full of so much joy. i know i cant do it by myself. i have to rely on the LORD each day. it is called surrendering. let go and let GOD. i know we want to try to control things. i have that also. i want have everything in the order i think it should be.......  well it doesnt usually go the way i want it. i didnt want my husband to use for 14 yrs, i couldnt control that. i asked the LORD thousands of times it just wasnt the right time. i had to continue to believe and have faith that he would stop and finally . i had to increase my faith and just trust. i pray you stay strong during your husbands continued use. have you started any aftercare yet. that is very important. i pray that you find a church and attend it regularly. that will give you the strength you need and the faith to let go and let GOD.
blessings
debbie  

[haley726]

sometimes, especially when you are trying so hard to turn your life around and do what is the right thing, it just seems too much. I think my biggest flaw in life is not being able to let go to things I am powerless to. I fight with it every day. That may be a lot to do with my detour from my faith in God... But right now I NEED it back more than ever.

[BrotherFrankie]

how do I deal with the things I have no control over?

you dont, God deals with it. HE CAN..

We are powerless.. see steps 1 and 2

be blessed
Frankie

(it makes life easier leaving the stuff with God anyway... lets us enjoy each minute)

[ImDONENoMore]

I think if you focus on other things, things that are good for you and your loved ones, that should keep you from thinking about the control thing too much.  Part of recovery is letting go of that stuff as you know so the more you practice that, the better you get at it.  Least that's the way it works for me.  Focus on your recovery for now - hopefully your husband will be inspired by your success.  Seeing someone get well and become a happier person can be REALLY contagious!!  And I applaud you for facing this on your own.  Hang in there, and just try to let things just "be" for now.  Things will become clearer with more time behind you you'll see.  :)