Bad Bad day..Help Please

[jess8487]

Ok here it goes..Some of you know yesterday I was having a hard time and was trying to find pills..Well one of the people I called was my aunt and she has norcos. I told her I had a headache, but she said she was out..This is where it gets bad.. She proceeds to call my husband and tell him about this and that she is worried about me..She is not a blood relative and if you knew her you would know she is a trouble maker..She caused my parents a divorce. Anyways, My husband is now mad at me and convinced that I took something yesterday and I didnt have anything at all! When I say he is mad I mean MAD.. He said he was fed up with me and if I did not change that he was through.. I am feeling really down, embarassed, and crappy..How can I pick up where I left off and not worry about it?

[jess8487]

Thank you guys for your help and support! all of your post really helped and opened my eyes..I hope that my husband will believe me and I will try showing him the post from last night, but if not oh well tomorrow is a new day and new hope..Thanks so much for being here I couldnt do it w/out you guys!

[nuredshuz]

I agree with the peeps above and wanted to say this:  my councelor keeps telling me that (us) addicts and coaddicts focus too much on whats going on outside of us. Like worrying about what he thinks. Try to focus on you, try to focus on what your doing just today. Work your program and let him deal with his stuff. Im not trying to trivialize wanting your spouse to believe you. You cannot control what he thinks at all. You cant control him at all or change what he does or thinks. You can only control  yourself. You didnt use, be proud of that, dont wear the shame of other peoples thoughts or opinions. YOu dont need to be ashamed. You made a small mistake. You did not use. YOur doing good, keep on keeping on.....he'll trust you when he sees your confidence and your moving forward.....the truth has a way of coming out....God bless and good luck!!  :)

[road2recovery]

I know exactly what you mean...I think we all want to rewind all the way to the first day we ever took that first pill....But we can't ..So we have to mover forward....And 14 days is GREAT!!  and be proud....
I agree with newbie's post also...Maybe that would help too, and i would also tell him you are willing to take the drug test...I really hope he can get that trust back, and you can just keep going...Hang in there!!!

[ABL4ME]

I do not know how you would feel about this...just a suggestion ~ show him your post from last night.  Let him see for himself that you may have been at a breaking point, but you didn't give in and were asking others for support and encouragement.  A lot of us understand how the outside world, especially those closest to us, question our every move.  I get questioned because I am happy and laughing ~ some just assume because the pills controlled my life for so long that I can't smile on my own.  In time the trust will come back.  If it wouldn't have been for my face flop on day 16, I would be over 30 days now...I'm learning this process isn't as quick and easy as I thought during my first 14 days...but it does get better.  Most everyone cares in here...so don't give up or let the disappointments of the uncontrollables bring you down!!

Hey, it's Day 12 or 13 for you, right?  WTG!!!!

Keep it up and don't let anyone bring you down!!
~Amy

[jess8487]

today is day 12 i have used no narcotics or any drug for that matter..i just want to rewind and erase u know what i mean?

[road2recovery]

how many days has it been since you used??  they sell drug test at any walmart, or drug stores over the counter...If you think that would help him beleive you and hold you accountable, then i would get them...I know you must feel terrible knowing you didn't use, and him thinking you did...But please remember that it is hard for them to trust us again....He loves you and just wants you to be clean and healthy..Although they completly don't understand addiction, and hard it is to go through recovery, we also don't understand what it feels like to be in love with an addict.....Be good to yourself , and work hard to gain his trust back...Good luck, and god bless
r2r

[jess8487]

but how do make him realize that i didnt use cause he thinks i did

[road2recovery]

I can't agree with Cupp more...Very good post "cupp78"....You have to move on...The fact is " you didn't use"  ....So on to today, only today, then tomorrow, etc....
Stay Strong
r2r

[Cupp78]

So you didn't use...that's GREAT!!  You should feel happy about that.  I know you feel bad b/c you feel like you gave into the addiction...but you didn't really.  You can't control what happened in the past, just how you approach today.  Concentrate on making it through today.  Don't worry about tomorrow, b/c none of us are promised tomorrow anyways.  You made a mistake...which just proves that you are an addict just like all the rest of us here.  But there is nothing wrong with that.  There is nothing wrong with you, you just made a mistake.  Forgive yourself for past mistakes, admit them all to your husband, and vow to forgive yourself and not make them again.  That way you can earn his trust back.  I am doing the same thing with my wife now.  I know that each day I don't use, I earn a little of that fractured trust back.

Good luck and remeber, addicts are not bad people, we are good people who make bad choices.