Boyfriend addicted to Vicodin, help please

[pinchmehpink]

Hi all,

I’ve gone through a number of posts with people with similar stories, and the answers really encouraged me and gave me hope. I have no one to turn to in this situation, my boyfriend has a vicodin addiction that no one knows about. I’m too embarrassed to tell my family or friends, the only people who know in his life are a few good friends. A little back story, my boyfriend is 26 now, but has been taking vicodin pills since 19-20. Along with pills, he’s been a big pot smoker since a teenager. He’s also played around with other drugs such as cocaine. We’ve known each other since we were young, but along with everyone in our circle of friends and family, I and no one else knew of this addiction. We started dating last summer in July, I found out he was taking vicodin in October on accident by seeing a message on his phone. He was embarrassed, ashamed, even cried to me about his struggle. He saw it as a sign to stop, me finding the message. And so began 7 months of what turned into depression and a loss of himself in general. Last month, he expressed how he needed space from me. That he loved me, but he felt like he was losing himself in our relationship. That ripped me in half. It wasn’t the end of anything because he expressed more of a need for “healthy” space. But it went on to him losing connections with other people and not having hobbies, and it seemed like he blamed our relationship for it. But like so many stories I’ve read here,  the space wasn’t as bad as I expected because the next day he’d say how much he needed me. Fast forward to now, he slipped up and took vicodin pills for 3 days in a row and hid it from me. We did have some minor issues with personal things I was going through and he says I put too much pressure on him and thats what caused him to do that. I feel so alone, I have no one but him to talk to about this. I feel
like it upsets him to hear the way I’m feeling. His emotions are always all over the place, he seems disconnected and unhappy, and if I address that he gets upset. I don’t know what to do in this situation, I have no idea about an addiction of that sort since it’s chemical and in the brain. I’m afraid that he himself will wake up one day and decide he isn’t happy or doesn’t want to be with me, even though he expresses his love for me all the time. I hope someone can give me some insight to handle this, and maybe some pointers on how I could help him. I’ve recommended him getting help, and also trying NA because I love everything about the problem but he doesn’t seem willing. I feel like he’s more in his head lost without the pills. Thank you for taking the time to read this and help.

[pinchmehpink]

UPDATE: he relapsed again. This time right before coming to my family's bbq. He didn't tell me until later that night. But then said he was devastated and that he would never do it again.

[atthebeach]

Really nothing you say or do will get him to stop using. He has to be sick and tired of being sick and tired.

Addict manipulate, lie,  try to blame everyone else for why they use. He needs to take responsibility for his own actions. He needs to get some support either through NA, AA, a psychologist, therapist, a substance abuse counselor, church.

Yes as suggested Al-Anon would be a great support for you.  As the loved one of an addict we get just as sick as they are.. it takes a toll on us  physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. We need recovery as much as they do. He needs to take care of himself and you need to take care of yourself.

I know it sounds harsh but you need to disconnect from him with love. Because of your love for him. Once he decides that he wants to get clean and be serious about it.  Then tell him you will be there to support him all the way.
I have been through this with my husband and my daughter.
We are here to support you as best we can.
Debbie

[backhurtz]

Ala on and xodependentscanonymous for you, along with NA.
First tell YOUR PARENTS, and get some support for yourself.
Addiction is a disease, part physical, part mental.
It would not surprise me given his long history that he was still using, despite his telling you he wouldn't after the discovery of the text.
It would also explain his wanting distance, then pulling you closer . Typical addict behavior. Withdraw from people, then reverse course.
He needs help, with qualified doctors/treatment and you can support him in seeking that, but his decision to use or not is not your fault , and you can't allow him to place that responsibility on you.

[jifmoc]

Hi, the first thing you can do is go to alanon. Addiction/alcoholism ruins loved ones. You are completely enmeshed w/this guy. He is in his addiction and NOTHING you say or do will change hat. Do not give him money. Do not listen to his tears or his empty words.  The only chance you have of keeping your sanity is to distance yourself. Alanon w/ give you support and you will learn a perspective about addiction that you didn't know was possible.

Good luck and check back.