Buying vicodin online

[Kbusymom]

Has anybody had success buying Vicodin or opiates online?  I don't want to get into any type of legal trouble and am also concerned about getting ripped off.
I've closed the door with my doctor, but am still suffering through withdrawal and feeling flat and helpless.  I've been addicted for several years and can't seem to function without them.  Part of me wants to stop so bad and part of me doesn't.  I don't know if I'm ready for abstinence.  I'm a single mom with no co- parenting and feel constantly overwhelmed and inadequate.  
Any help or words of encouragement would be greatly appreciated.  I've been lurking on here for about a week and this is my first post.  It seems people are so supportive and understanding.  Please help!

[marisah555]

Please I need help with the crawling skin feeling. I want to post my story, but right now I need so much help with this part, and if i don't get it, I won't quit. I am trying to taper off, only do I don't feel sick. I cannot deal with this feeling. I have zero dollars so I can't even buy epsom salt or aplles, which one heard help. Sunshine should come up with withdrawal baskets or care packages and send them out to help.

[kyle505]

Hey...It's been a while. How are you doing?  Don't be a stranger. We are here to help.
K

[Pat1956100]

Yeah, I'm sure if there was a good online site, we all would have found it by now.  Well some of us, lol.  
Good luck.  You seem ready.

[Kbusymom]

Thanks; I know it's crazy thinking to even consider buying online.  Def too risky both legally and health wise .

[digger1976]

I would just like to add to this thread that so many of online pills are counterfeit anyway, they are mixed with all kinds of bad things, most are made in garages, shanty towns, they can cause harm or even kill. Be warned!

[Kbusymom]

You definitely pulled at my heart strings on the parenting stuff.  My daughter is 8 and I'm pretty much all she has.  I've been to meetings before and have heard you have to do it for yourself as well.  I agree with you though; I know if she weren't here, I would be much worse off and would probably get to as low as I was 15 years ago when I was on heroin.  I don't want to miss any more of her life and I want to be happy for us both.  She's had a lot of behavioral problems and I already feel super guilty because I'm the problem, not her.  

[Kbusymom]

Thank you so much for your kind words Debbie.  I have been through this before and know that you are right.

[kyle505]

Listen, I didn't mean my post to necessarily be tough love - I just wanted to somehow reach out to you over the net and try to get you to understand the heartbreak and self-lothing that is waiting for you if things don't change.
I will be honest, I would gladly go through my last detox (hell on earth) once a week if I could go back and, say, be at my daughter's kindergarden Christmas play instead of at the ER telling lies about my bad back. Or be on the family weekend ocean campout instead of opting out because of the "flu" (withdrawal). And the list goes on.  Until my youngest left and I looked around and realized that my children's childhood was gone, I had no idea how broken I'd be. In NA and AA meetings, most talk about if you get clean you do it for yourself. As a parent, I have to disagree...If you get clean you do it for the most important thing in life, our children.  
K

[Kbusymom]

Please accept my apologies for the title of this thread; I've just felt super desperate.  The fact that I was even considering it, shows how much work I have to do.  

[Kbusymom]

Thank you for the tough love; I know I need it and I'm sorry you suffered for so long.  I was raised by a mentally ill mother and have had no role models.   I had no idea parenting would be so difficult and I have no co-parenting to speak of.  I know I'm on the pity pot a bit, but I also know I have to break the cycle so the same thing doesn't happen to my daughter.  I know I have to be strong and be the parent she deserves. I have loved the numbness and floaty feeling so much, relied on it as an escape; but it's time to be real.  I don't want to be a shell of a person and you're exactly right; that's what I've become.  
Thanks to all; so grateful for the strength and hope.

[Heather8448]

My friend was buying them and having them sent next door to an abandoned house 3 months later I came home and swat was on the roof of his house, he went to prision hes done 4 years and has 1 left this is hopefully this was his rock bottom
I suggest getting clean...
but if you cant best of luck

[kyle505]

" Part of me wants to stop so bad and part of me doesn't.  I don't know if I'm ready for abstinence." That statement says it all. Add to that the fact that you're even considering buying meds online AND you are continuing to put your addiction before your daughter...I'd say that you are in a very dangerous spot, even with 7 days clean.
You've been through this before; you know that all your questions, all of your postings are moot IF you are listening to your head - that tiny voice that seems to be winning, convincing you that you can't be a good mother without the pills. And you know that it's all BS.  
I cannot stress enough the damage that you're doing; and I don't mean the physical crap that happens to your body every time you open your mouth and take a pill. I'm talking about the mental and emotional damage...I used for over 15 years. My kids are 18, 20 and 25. You do the math. I missed so much of their lives - important milestones that I wasn't there for because I was either going through withdrawals or out chasing the dragon. Fast forward to about two months ago. My youngest went off to college - they are all at school. And suddenly it hit me - I can never get those years back...they're gone. I can't put in to words the heartbreak and guilt that I feel. I can't change the past.  If you keep this up, if you keep listening to your lies and buying your addict BS, one day (and man does the time pass quickly) you'll wake up, your daughter will be in college, married, whatever, and you'll feel the heart break, and regret. It's not too late.  STOP PUTTING YOUR ADDICTION BEFORE YOUR DAUGHTER. Your initial question is really meaningless.
You are 7 days clean, pretty much over the bad physical symptoms. Now comes the dangerous mental battle.  Finally, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Living clean is wonderful. It will allow you to be the parent your daughter needs, not some false shell of yourself.
K

[monsterhigh]

I know its hard but you can do it. ive been clean for 34 days and today is the first day i see light at the end of the tunnel. Its a hard journey but you will come out stronger. I have 2 kids and i want to be around for them. Please think of your child and stay clean and live your life the way you should.......HAPPY!!!! Im still trying everyday!!!

[atthebeach]

There is no shame in getting back up and wanting a clean life. Yes it will take courage to go back to na/aa but you will be welcomed with open arms.
Have you been to a counselor, pastor, church, have family and friends who can support you?
Recovery is a marathon not a sprint. You need a support system in ace to help prevent relapse.
Drink protein shakes, boost, ensure. Move around as much as possible, take walks, get some sunshine, exercise is very important in recovery.
Take vitamins, eat a diet high in veggies, fruit and protein.
You can and will get through this. Time will be your healer. Press on there is a light at the end of the tunnel. It will take time to heal and be restored.
Don't give up.
Sending hope, prayers, encouragement and support,
Debbie

[ariley13]

The symptoms you are having are all normal and should start to improve very soon. Please don't be embarrassed to go back to the meetings. We are all addicts and almost every single one of us has relapsed. It comes with the territory. We have to use the relapses as learning experiences and turn them into a positive. They will support and encourage you at the meetings. There will be no judgement or condemnation. You really need the support right now. Other than that, I would just do anything and everything you can to stay busy. Keep your mind off of using. You'll find the more you do that, and the more time that passes, the less and less you will obsess about the pills.

[Kbusymom]

Thank you so much; still getting the hang of this.  I posted a general comment that mostly addressed your post.  You've got it nailed with the stages

[Kbusymom]

Thanks everybody.  
I am def having insomnia, lethargy mood swings, , and overall depression. I have been to AA/NA, but am so embarrassed and ashamed to go back.  I def need a support system; so glad I found this community.  You are right, I am tired of chasing the scripts and def like I'm in crisis mode.  My mind is my worst enemy right now; it's obsessed with getting pills when I know deep inside that's not the answer.  

[dominosarah]

Stick with us here.  This is your safe place.  We have all been thru what you are going thru now.  You dont have to be a prisoner to those pills anymore~

[ariley13]

First off a big congrats on your week clean! You already are through the worst physical symptoms. Why not just keep going? Have you ever done any NA meetings or addiction counseling? It sounds like you really need some after care and a good support system. Make sure all of your ties are cut to the drugs and do this thing! No sense going back now. You can do it!!

[killerwds]

Honestly I think you are very close to a break through.  Are you experiencing insomnia, rls and whatnot?  If so...you are at what I like to call stage 2...and stage 3 is getting better.
Stage 1:  Sick - physically mainly
Stage 2:  RLS, Insomnia, Manic thoughts...basically mental hell
Stage 3:  Recovery - not immediate, takes time...but every day will be different and hopefully better.
Congrats on 7 days in.  I definitely hear a wish to stop chasing the script in your post.  Maybe I'm imagining, but I want to believe that you do want to quit, but are in crisis and are having a hard time coping.
This site has helped me immensely.  I honestly dont' know if I would have made it this far without it....I monitor it all day and night.  I also do a lot of things that may seem silly....but honestly at this point whatever keeps me clean and helps in anyway with my detox that doesn't hurt me.....I DO!  I used this in another post, but one of my favorite things to do is play my favorite music loud, sign with it badly and endure.  You've done so much already....keep going.

[Kbusymom]

Because I went to another Dr. for pills.  I don't think she would have, she's a pill pusher, but the second dr. was on the ball and contacted my original dr.  .  In some ways, I'm grateful for being red flagged, but In some ways I'm devastated to have shut off my source.  

[ROSYouralright]

Why did your doctor cut you off?

[Kbusymom]

Thank you.  I've been taking Norcos and Hydrcodone 8-12 pills a day for several years.  I've been off them for 7 days and still feel horrible.  
I was previously addicted to heroin 15 years ago and have been off it since.  I feel like I'm doing essentially the same thing with the pills; it's just been legal.  My dr. cut me off completely with no treatment plan, nor will she even speak to me on the phone.  
I've been talking Benadryl, ibuprofen, and Immodium to get through the withdrawals but I am so lethargic, I am barely functioning.  I feel so flat, alone, and empty.  I want to be present for my daughter and enjoy life again, but I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Thanks again for the support.  

[BearsFan1966]

This is an awesome site and plenty of helpful people on here if you truly want to quit! Tons of great advise to help you get threw with drawls and get you to a clean and healthy life! All you have to is want it and be determined to quit!