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CHAPS & CHAPESSES, A LITTLE BIG BACKGROUND

Hello to all you lovely people, old names, new names... I have not disappeared off the face of cyberspace but I did feel the acute need to let you all know that I am still alive and very much clean (almost 3months) BUT with some awful news. My father is dying of cancer. We were told this terrible news over a month ago and as a family we are trying to pull through as best we can which is extremely hard. I don't particularly know where I have gained the strength to keep afloat but by the love of God, I have. My mum on the other hand is dosed up to the eyeballs with valium and one of my brothers has found strength in bottles of booze. It is not good at all. Everyday is torture and all our lives have been turned upside down as we watch our father lose continuous weight and get sicker and sicker. I have prayed to God to take his life everyday and the guilt of my doing so is weighing me down, yet I pray for it to end soon as I can't stand seeing my father this way. I'm sorry if this is a depressing post but I needed to let you know what is going on in my life. I have not been here since the news and so I haven't checked my notes or messages or even my personal email as for the past few weeks I have not had the concentration levels to do so and so I apologise to my great friends on here for not being in touch. My plan is to continue what I'm doing.. staying clean and being strong for the family and holding my dads hand til the bitter end. As always, I wish you all lots of luck, love, happiness and strength. xoxoxoxox  Your friend, Marbles
24 Responses
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352798 tn?1399298154
I am so sorry to hear about your dad. What an awful thing to deal with. I hope your prayers are answered soon. I lot my mom to cancer and it is not a pleasant thing to go through.
   On a good note. It is wonderful to hear from you! I have missed you a bunch!!! Sent you some emails a while back. Hadn't heard from you but I knew you were busy. Did you get moved in? when you get time, write me. GTMI
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Avatar universal
My thoughts and prayers are with you. I am so sorry to here this and an sending you my love, you are such a great friend.
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410221 tn?1227631837
LostMarbles,

I'm very sorry about your Dad, I have been through illness and death with both of my parents. I hope that you will be able to continue to be strong for your family and most of all yourself. I know how hard all of this is and I also know how easy it can be to use and cover up the pain. It is wonderful that you have almost 3 months clean be strong and continue the GREAT WORK!!!

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306867 tn?1299249709
I am so sorry about your father. I lost my brother to cancer a few years ago. It's such a difficult thing to watch them slipping away. My thoughts and prayers will be with you.  Big Hug,   Mary
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452063 tn?1324074916
I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. You should not feel guilty not wanting him to suffer. Good job on staying clean through all of this. Corey
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412194 tn?1233621532
BIG HUG to you my friend.  I am very sorry to hear about your Dad, my thoughts and prayers are with you duing this terrible time.  I know it is hard, and please don't beat yourself up about your feelings!  It is a hard thing to watch a once vibrant part of our lives just wither away.  My Mom also passed with cancer.  I would have rather had her well until the bitter end, than to see her suffer, those memories will always go with you.  Please take care of you in the midst of all of the turmoil.
Thinking of you
hugzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
swtbreezie
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463872 tn?1215653737
Stay strong sister.  I am sorry to here about you dad.  Make this a comfortable ride for him and give him lots of love.

In the end you will be a much stronger person.  Keep it going.  I want to see you make to 4 months.  That will tell us what a strong person you are and inspire us all...

Wishing You the Best...

Army
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Avatar universal
So good to hear from you....I am sorry you having to deal with this..I know this has to be so tough for you right now...But staying clean, is a hugh accomplishment ...SO proud of you...Please know my prayers are with you and your family right now...
god bless
r2r
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Avatar universal
Mables is a friend to many of us on this site and I know we want eveyone to she her post please help keep it at the top for a few days.

Thank you

PS. MedHelp PLEASE PLEASE DO NOT put this on the otherside
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Avatar universal
I love you girl! I am soooo sorry for your family right now. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
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401095 tn?1351391770
I am so sorry that you have to go thru this right now....wonderful that you are clean and can keep a clear head and be strong for your family....miss ya
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Congratulations on still being clean!! You rock!! Almost forgot to tell you that!! Love you!
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oh sweetie...i am so sorry...terribly sorry.  please know my thoughts are with you and your family.  you are a wonderful lady Miss M...and i still miss you tons luv!!

e-mail me when you have time, anytime!
i will always be there for you, as you are for me!!

much love
W2L
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Avatar universal
I'm so sorry to hear about your father!  That's terrible.I honestly don't know what worse, being prepared and being able to say godbye-although the downside is they suffer immensly, or sudden death, and no chance to say goodbye, but they die with little or no pain.....I've yet to figure that one out.  Clear the 2nd explanation is much better for them, but it's us who suffer once they die.  I'm very proud of you for staying clean through this.  It's hard, trust me.  
Love you.
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463575 tn?1211302688
i'm new here and don't know you, but i just wanted to let you know that i am sending comforting, loving vibes your way.

lily
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Avatar universal
My thoughts and prayers are with you and yours at this most difficult time. Bittersweet to hear from you. Keep up the good work. Maybe one good thing that helps is to see your mother and brothers actions, is knowing how you'd look using during this walk. Take Care
Lifting you up,
Newgirl
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Avatar universal
So sorry to hear about your father. We have really missed you here but completely understand. I couldn't imagine having to deal with the pain that you are going through. Please know that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. I am so so sorry.
Brian
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i was so happy to see your pm yesterday....and i knew you haven't been on in awhile due to personal reasons...had no idea about your father....i can sympathize and empathize....been there....andi i'm sooooooooo sorry.....and you will remain daily in my prayers....and boy, do i pray a LOT these days :-).....you are the best....and i love you dearly....and i'd still love to fly over there on one of my hubby's trips sometime and have tea with you.....and show you my support in person....might still happen...never say never....in the meantime, girl, look at all of the love and support you have here....amazing....just like you....will keep in touch and will understand if you just cannot....

love and blessings and prayers for  you~
kim
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Avatar universal
i am so very sorry for what you and your family are going through..congratulations on remaining clean. We certainly have missed you!! Cancer is a hard thing to watch someone go through.my prayers are with you as well!! God Bless  Lisa
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356054 tn?1218552475
Hey girl its so good to see you. I wish it was under different circumstances but the good news is you are staying clean. I'm so sorry about your dad. This is tough to handle. Don't blame your actions on this,it's not your fault. Keep doing what your doing and know all our prayers are with you and your family. We miss you.--John
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393709 tn?1295964416
Hey girlfriend!!!!
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{ Marbles }}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
Big Honkin Hugs to you.  I miss you terrible!  My im on the laptop is not working, but, maybe we can chat later when I get on my pc.

So sorry to hear about your Dad.  I will pray for you and your family.  I know how hard it is to see everyone self destruct around you.  I am so thrillled to see you are remaining clean thru all of this.  Remember to be good to yourself thru all of this.  Take some time out for yourself....You are no good to anyone if you are tired and run down.  
I hope we can chat later......I havent laughed near as hard as the last time we talked!!!!
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