CRAVINGS!!!!!!!!!!

[toxictome]

I went to my son's wrestling tourney today ...and when i left the tourney at 3:30p.m., it was sunny and 34*...it felt like a heat wave and we haven't had sun in forever, or so it seems..
.
All of a sudden I had the WORST CRAVINGS...i really felt like calling my drug girl...i just kept repeating...this will only last a few minutes...I had about a 30 min. drive home and got groceries and a movie to watch...the movie was "Gone Baby, Gone"...has anyone seen that??? (it was about an addict whose 3 or 4 y.o.  daughter vanished..but i didn't know what the movie was about when i got it..)...so then i sat and cried thru most of that...and i was so glad i am clean...because that COULD be one of my yets if i decide to go back out.

Anyway...I'm just really feeling that huge hole right now...chasing something that isn't there, can't sit still, etc...and I thought back to how I felt when I first got sober (alcohol in 1990) and then after i was in recovery for about 1 yr. that feeling slowly started to leave me and i started to feel peace and serenity...( i was sober for 15 yrs. and then started using  vics for the last 2 1/2 yrs..)...so...I guess the long and short is..I know what awaits me (feeling comfortable in my own skin)...and i want it so bad, and i want it NOW...but i know i need to do the footwork to get that peace of mind back...
so I just needed to share and wanted to let you all know wherever you are in your journey...IT DOES GET BETTER....I've been there and done that...and I'm going to do it again!!!..i am DOING it, right now ...ONE DAY AT A TIME!!!!

Hope you all have a peaceful weekend! ~hugs~

[jafro]

I'm only on day 3 of cleanliness, and on one hand, it makes me sad that the cravings don't seem to go away - but on the other hand, I gain strength knowing that it CAN be done. Thanks for sharing your stories so openly - this board has been a Godsend to me. My bf has sat beside me and used while I'm typing away....

[PromisedLand]

Well, I'm nearing 180 days clean and the last few days my cravings have been driving me nuts (I was on vicodin)...a lot of stressful things going on at home and I find myself wanting that little buzz..but I'm not giving in, of course.


Good luck, and hang in there

Jim

[mtrying]

Good job!  The cravings suck. I haven't had many, but every so often one hits me, ugh.  It's sneaky.  

[newgirl2708]

I love that you wrote what you went through..I love that everyone can identify with your story and let you know you're not alone, not to mention the support you've gotten. That should help even if it's in a small way to make you feel better. Even if it's for a moment.
Hope your sleep is better tonight. I'm headed there myself.

[toxictome]

"Thank you for your courage to share .."

One lady even said..."I love this meeting...the honesty and integrity.."..
I thought that was carrying it a bit  far, as i certainly would not say my drug abuse had much integrity to it.....although i know in general she just meant like..".doing the next right thing....coming clean"...
you know...IBKleen encouraged me to "get 'er done"..sooner than later...LOL

and while i was writng another post ......RESTLESS is the word i was looking for....
I was once feeling content..now i'm feeling restless....

and I'm going to bed shortly cuz that's how i slept last night.....restless......GGRRR

[enemy48]

What wuz the reply to "being honet, open & willign toxie?

[toxictome]

yeah...well, I didn;t feel very strong when i had to go back to my AA community and admit my weakness..   When they asked if anyone had a step or topic..i said "being honest, open, and willing...the shame and guilt are killing me...."


normal?!?!?!...LOL...whatever that is!!!  

hugs

[enemy48]

Look YQU!  We've been in this together.  It's okay to get weak, but more okay to admit it with us.  The admitting of weakness soon becomes the strength.  You have strength to admit what you felt.  U're so normal.  Luv U!

[toxictome]

we are allowed to be weak...

thoughtwise..
not
actionwise.....LOL

[Flutterby111]

I'm so glad you shared that....it's reality.  I had a whole bunch of cravings yesterday...none today...they can be sneaky....You're doing great!  SO glad we have each other here.....hugs.

[worried878]

u always hang strong!    I guess we can all be weak from time to time...allowed?  lol  when I get weak.....tell me to shape up or ship out!  nah...thinking about you...email me if you need to

[toxictome]

Thanks for all of your feedback...I couldn't have come this far w/o all the love and support of all the people on this forum....  again ....<3 hugs <3

Magi: i was torn, but i thought he made the wrong choice...ha...didn't give it away..cuz if you haven't seen it, you don;t know what choice he made!!! lol

Bossman: 31

Mary:  George is the man!!!   lol ...i'll write that title down... thanks

[allaboutmary]

So glad you fought off that craving. I have been having them alot the past couple days because of pain.(and I'm on sub)  I just keep thinking I want to be out of pain just for a few hours. I have to keep reminding myself that they made the pain worse and were destroying my life.
I saw that movie "Gone Baby Gone".  Really good movie.  Oopps I was going to start telling the end of it.  That wouldn't be very nice to everyone that haven't seen it. lol
I just watched "Michael Clayton" with my man George Clooney another great movie.  

[Bossman80]

how many days clean are you currently?

[flmagi]

That movie was very good. I reccomend it to all the addicts here. I watched it with my sisters and we had alittle (fun type) argument about the almost ending. Should he or shouldn't he have done what he did? I don't want to give the ending away, you know what I mean.
Sorry about your intense cravings but you seem to know how to deal with them. Way to go!

[cathy5841]

you are doing great.  i am so proud of you for getting through this without using.  that is a huge accomplishment.  keep up the good work. and hugs back to you, you deserve them.
cathy

[gizzy32]

well im happy to hear that you can fight through those cravings now, and yes even after time, they can pop out of nowhere and bite us in the a$$ anytime. i have learned this well, so that is why we can never lose that focus and yes it does get better. you have done so well and i am proud of you