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750852 tn?1254234267

Can't feel better

These cravings will not go away drugs are on my mind all the time.. i feel like i cant funtction correctly.. and am going out of my mind. I can't talk strait i cant think i can't do anything. I should be more normal now right.  I dont sleep at all... and i'm sick all the time.. I am not going through any w/d i'm sure. but i just feel ******.. maybe its pshycological...i dont know.  I am just stuck.. I dont plan on going back to where i was but ecstasy has crossed my mind. I never thought it would..But i dont think there is an immediate fear for my life.. but maybe i just can't see it. I wish i could just do this.  I don't want to ask for help.. I mean i did this. I fix it. And if i fix it on my own i will feel more powerful against this addiction.  i dunno.  I think i jumbled my brain all up. Like i have such radical views on things.. that i don't think i'll never be able to be a part of main stream society. I'm just too far out there. I could never be another brick in the wall thats my worst fear. But part of me feels i need to be.. to be normal.. i wanna think like a normal person.. and i do wanna live. I am trying soooo hard. But i just suck.  I am a person that is meant to do drugs i think sometimes... I just wanna sleep.. i dont want to think anymore.. no more thinking
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Avatar universal
HI I think there was a point in everyone life in here that we felt the way you feel but there is hope keep reading the posts and go to the botom of the page to the health pages and read some more when your ready to quit where all here to support you I have seen some pritty hard habits quit here doing home detoxes just let us know when your ready and we can help read up on the thomas recipe and get the stuff it call for there is plenty of support on this sight and your only talking about 4 or 5 days to free yourself from this bondage you dont have to live this way good luck and God bless.....Gnarly
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I want help, i need help, ive hurt so many people i cant get help anymore. I dont blame them but now what do i do? Am i beyond repair? It feels like it and i just want it all to end. Do i wanna die? No!!! Is there any altrnatives? No!!!! I dont see any i dont have any its to late and to bad! Why am i,who am i,what happend, please let me wake up and findout it was all just a bad dream.
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Avatar universal
Rasta,you may not see that there is an immediate fear for your life,but trust me there are a lot of us older addicts who have buried friends or loved ones who ultimately lost their battle with addiction,who see it all too clear.None of us were MEANT to be addicts,not you,not me,not any of us here.You have the power within you to change this,but you can't do it alone.You need to get help Rasta and you need to do it now,before it's too late...Kim
Helpful - 0
599071 tn?1300068702
Rasta, you aren't sleeping, (which is usually the last thing to come right in withdrawal & can take weeks & weeks).  This means that you are absolutely right about your brain being jumbled.  Lack of sleep for several days has the same effect as being drunk on alcohol, at least half your thoughts are rubbish.   This isn't a criticism but should comfort you, it just means don't take these thoughts seriously.   None of us should believe everything we think.

Radical lives don't require drugs.  I am not anti drugs per se, (I know this is a bad thing to say on an addiction forum but many of use drugs daily, caffeine; alcohol, even food has biochemical effects).  The trouble is that most of the drugs you are using have bad & long term effects.  Cocaine, for instance can burn out your dopamine circuits so that you will never be naturally happy & motivated again & end up having to be on Prozac for the rest of your life.  Likewise amphetamine type drugs, including ecstasy, our nervous systems are not designed for constant stimulation.

What are you passionate about Rasta?  You have mentioned dance, why not throw your addictive energy into that instead.  Be radical, express yourself, there are lots of online forums where people share non mainstream ideas, if there's no one in your neighbourhood who is interested.  We need more radical ideas to improve the world.

There's nothing wrong with wanting to change your state of consciousness, but do it the healthy way with herbs & meditation.  Every time you score off some scuzzy dealer you are funding the lifestyles of mafia types & other low lifes who think nothing of killing people & exploiting addicts.

So Rasta, go do some plies & backbends instead.  There's lots of people on this forum who are rooting for you.
Helpful - 0
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