Can't stay stopped

[Gettingalifeagain]

Hi everyone...I really want to end this merry go round.  I have been abusing percocets nearly every day for over 2 years.  I am also a self admitted alcoholic, and recently have been mixing the two.  Every day is spent thinking about how and where I can find a pill or a drink.  I live with my elderly parents and partner, and he has been having to pick up the pieces when I fall apart around lunch time.  I used to to to AA, but stopped going about 8 weeks ago.  Being around people is a high anxiety trigger for me.  I compare myself alot to others.  I'm glad I joined this site, its a first step in the right direction.  I feel I can be honest with no judgement, from the posts I have read so far.
Thanks...

[Gettingalifeagain]

Thank you everyone, I'm so glad I found this forum.  I DID speak with my sponsor this morning and was honest with her.  Then I ran into an AA member in the mall.  I think I know where I have to go...thank you all...

[VICourageous]

According to some of the info I gathered, Social Anxiety is one of the many reason why people use substances. I sure would look deeper into getting some help from someone who specializes in this.
Addiction is a Disease and none of us asked for it. It is not your fault, but it is up to us Addicts to seek out help.

My drinking stop over 9 years ago when our Bar up the Dirt road burned down lol..BUT really I just did not want to wreak my Buzz from the pills. So I just substituted one for the other. Been clean for awhile and right now I sure do not crave Booze and Pills are getting further away from my Mind.
I am a Addict and I will always as to keep that Guard Up on any of this.
I wish you the Best and Do get some outside Support. WE can not do this alone.
Bless

[kyle505]

I too was/am a boozer who found pills. Meds were better because, if I didn't over do, there was no way to tell that I'd taken them. So, between the alcohol and pills I've been addicted for over twenty-five years.
I got clean two years ago. I did it. I'd had enough. Finally. You will get to the point where you know it's time to stop. It that now? Only you can answer the question. For now it seems that you are doing things that will only continue your use. But, you do have people around you who know of your addiction, so that's a help.
When you're truly ready to quit you will know.
K

[jugglin]

Welcome...you are correct, no judgment here.  You said you have been to AA, and that you are an admitted alcoholic. You know that you need to change your life - you deserve a sober life.
You said that you are high anxiety and have a problem being around people which is why you stopped going to AA, how about trying counseling?  Or maybe a different AA/NA group would make you feel more comfortable?  Addiction isn't meant to be fought alone.  Although this site is amazing, face to face connections can make a world of difference on your road to recovery.  I don't get to meetings as often as I wish I could, but I do make it to some AA meetings and those folks are very supportive and non-judgmental as the folks here and the connection can make a huge impact.
With that said, I wish you the very best on this road. If you are looking to quit have you decided on taper or cold turkey? Would your partner assist you in a taper (I couldn't taper on my own - if I had pills I took them). Also, have you had a chance to see the Thomas Recipe at the bottom of the screen?  This will give you a list of items to have on hand for withdraws.
Keep posting when you have questions, need support, or just need to vent!

[Gettingalifeagain]

Thank you for replying to me...to answer your question, I was using up to 15-20 of 5mg .  Then drinking 26oz of vodka in the end.  My partner knows everything.  I am just vibrating today, and have to go into work.  My boss knows too.  Good for you on 5 days.....
Thank you borth again for taking the time to write me back

[Cant_take_it85]

You've really just got to make it up in your mind that you are going to stop and that you deserve a better life than what you're living. I'm 5 days clean from my addiction to Dilaudid. The withdrawals suck and some days are better than others but I'm so happy that I made the decision to do better for myself.
Now my days aren't consumed with the thoughts of how I'm going to get the next bottle of pills.

Your life will be so much better when you take the first step and you tell yourself that "I deserve better".

[takingmylifeback2014]

Hi Girl and Welcome!!!! How much percs are you taking daily? Are you still taking them now? Also how much are you drinking?
Do you have support? Does your partner know about your addiction?
First off I cannot express how important it is to CUT OFF your sources and seal ALL cracks, Having access to pills will be hard for you to have a successful detox. Things will be so much better being sober, Trust me I never thought they would but they are! Its a gift and you CAN do this.