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Cravings....Cravings.....Cravings
My weekend went pretty decent but I was really craving.....I have been 6 weeks off methadone and 3-4 weeks off hydro's with only 1 very short and temporary relapse with 25 hydro's early last week....I am about 7-8 days clean completely again and had a touch and go weekend. At some points I actually had some energy and felt decent but other times I had really bad cravings and felt right back at square one. The lower end symptoms have seem to let up a bit which is nice. I actually went onto the exercise bike today at work for about 25 very difficult minutes but I was proud of myself for getting onto it at all. When I was on the pills I would work out all of the time at work and home but when I am in detox I am lucky to get off the couch.
I am mostly fighting the urge to use and the lack of energy and motivation. Sleeping has gotten a tad better but I usually only get 3 hours of what I think is sleep. I do not know how it happened yesterday but I ran into a friend that recently had gotten into a car accident. He actually (without knowing my situation) offered them to me.....I actually said yes at first but then realized what the heck I was doing. It was like it was second nature to say yes and get my hands on them. I have not persued getting them today and he is a friend that I do not see very often. This is the first time in a long time that I actually said no to myself! I know it was just a baby step but it meant a lot to me to look the other way. In a way I am feeling better each day little by little and do not want to go backwards.....The sad thing is when being truly honest with myself I am just saying no because it would only be enough to last 3-4 days or so and then right back to square one.....I still think that I am way too weak to turn down a few week or month supply though......All I am trying to concentrate on is taking it one day at a time. Right now I do not have any and do not plan on getting any and today I will be sober....Tomorrow is another day! I think I have come to the realization that I can never use another one again.....ever! Kind of a scary but necessary truth and thought but in another way it is comforting to think about feeling normal or even better than normal without the use of an expensive and evil drug! Well.....Sorry for rambling again but I just wanted to tell my experience this weekend...
P.S. I commented on a methadone post the other day and found some resistance in my answer....I just wanted to clarify that I am only speaking from my own examples and research about methadone. I know to some, methadone is a savior but according to a lot of different sources....Methadone is one of the last ditch resorts for recovery. I personally was on it off and on for about a year and full time for about 3-4 months. That detox from that short period of full time methadone use was HORRIBLE and would not wish it on anyone. My symptoms of detox was not as extreme as someone on it for years but the length of time they lasted were significantly longer than that of a normal opiate withdrawal. I just would hate to see people on an oxy, hydro, or anything else other than methadone get on to methadone unnecessarily.....Only trying to tell my story and let people and doctors make their own decision.....Thanks!
I am mostly fighting the urge to use and the lack of energy and motivation. Sleeping has gotten a tad better but I usually only get 3 hours of what I think is sleep. I do not know how it happened yesterday but I ran into a friend that recently had gotten into a car accident. He actually (without knowing my situation) offered them to me.....I actually said yes at first but then realized what the heck I was doing. It was like it was second nature to say yes and get my hands on them. I have not persued getting them today and he is a friend that I do not see very often. This is the first time in a long time that I actually said no to myself! I know it was just a baby step but it meant a lot to me to look the other way. In a way I am feeling better each day little by little and do not want to go backwards.....The sad thing is when being truly honest with myself I am just saying no because it would only be enough to last 3-4 days or so and then right back to square one.....I still think that I am way too weak to turn down a few week or month supply though......All I am trying to concentrate on is taking it one day at a time. Right now I do not have any and do not plan on getting any and today I will be sober....Tomorrow is another day! I think I have come to the realization that I can never use another one again.....ever! Kind of a scary but necessary truth and thought but in another way it is comforting to think about feeling normal or even better than normal without the use of an expensive and evil drug! Well.....Sorry for rambling again but I just wanted to tell my experience this weekend...
P.S. I commented on a methadone post the other day and found some resistance in my answer....I just wanted to clarify that I am only speaking from my own examples and research about methadone. I know to some, methadone is a savior but according to a lot of different sources....Methadone is one of the last ditch resorts for recovery. I personally was on it off and on for about a year and full time for about 3-4 months. That detox from that short period of full time methadone use was HORRIBLE and would not wish it on anyone. My symptoms of detox was not as extreme as someone on it for years but the length of time they lasted were significantly longer than that of a normal opiate withdrawal. I just would hate to see people on an oxy, hydro, or anything else other than methadone get on to methadone unnecessarily.....Only trying to tell my story and let people and doctors make their own decision.....Thanks!
cravings....no doubt, at day 6 today, looking around my life and realizing I can NEVER go back....not even 1, the past 6 days have been the hardest days, & I hate to say but this not the first time I have tried stopping this pill addiction. I LOVE to say this will be the LAST time I will go thru this,....I am thankful I made it another day yes 7:30pm, my day is almost over...Bring on day 7 & keeping the faith....Not interested in going back....the energy thing at this point is the hardest...that is what makes me crave it the most...you know the I can do anything thought process a tab or 6 ??? Realized today that I have accomplished anything in the past 9 years because of them evil pills...I look around my home..look at my two children,,,they have never even known the real me...that is a prize I want to give them,,,,I was always the fun aunt years ago & now I plan on being the fun momma....have had a few moments where we all just giggled and THAT was THE BEST HIGH ever!!!!!!!!! also, realized (again) you dont get energy..from them...wishing you all the best ~ think of our lives without this expensive, destructive Lifestyle....dont give in!!!!!!!!!!!!!WE CAN BEAT THIS!!!!
great post. Really hit home for me as that day 5 is a kicker for me too... somehow you get through the bad w/d and the evil thoughts tell you its ok to have some.. like you already dont remember how bad the w/d has been!! I'm sort of wrestling with it also as i approach day 5 AGAIN and i was thinking that i need to go to a meeting.. the few NA ones i went to werent all that great, but i'm going to take peoples advice and try AA for a change and just keep trying... your post gives me hope on day 200+ clean.. good to know someone else also is talking about day 5 or 7 cravings... i can barely get past those days... or in the past i havent. But 1 day at a time...
thanks for the post, it helped me quite a bit..
thanks for the post, it helped me quite a bit..
Instead of the word aftercare, let's use the word "recovery". I'm recovering from Hydro...
You wrote: "I just have to figure out how to squeeze it into my schedule and keep it low profile."
I know the Stigma attached to addicting drugs. It tells us on the drug's fact sheets they're "addicting" create "dependency". That's what this stuff does to us no matter who we are. We got zapped! What I learned was the fact that It's really nothing to ever be ashamed of, provided we accept our dilemma honestly, and take positive action. We're not responsible for our addiction, but we are responsible for working our recovery. I learned that I needed to keep my recovery in the dead center of my life. The remaining "life" must revolve around my recovery.(you mention wife, kids - me too) If it wasn't for my recovery, none of that life would be up there in the first place. It was consuming me, my job, my interests and especially my family that I love to the ends of the earth.
You mentioned keeping low profile: We have a statement in our NA meeting open: "who you see here, what you hear here, stays here." It's anonymous, or it would be worthless to many members. I know doctors, many lawyers, priests, you name it, you'll find them at meetings. And we're all equal. We're all learning to be happy and not use at the same time!
Please post and keep with us. Wish you and your family the best!
You wrote: "I just have to figure out how to squeeze it into my schedule and keep it low profile."
I know the Stigma attached to addicting drugs. It tells us on the drug's fact sheets they're "addicting" create "dependency". That's what this stuff does to us no matter who we are. We got zapped! What I learned was the fact that It's really nothing to ever be ashamed of, provided we accept our dilemma honestly, and take positive action. We're not responsible for our addiction, but we are responsible for working our recovery. I learned that I needed to keep my recovery in the dead center of my life. The remaining "life" must revolve around my recovery.(you mention wife, kids - me too) If it wasn't for my recovery, none of that life would be up there in the first place. It was consuming me, my job, my interests and especially my family that I love to the ends of the earth.
You mentioned keeping low profile: We have a statement in our NA meeting open: "who you see here, what you hear here, stays here." It's anonymous, or it would be worthless to many members. I know doctors, many lawyers, priests, you name it, you'll find them at meetings. And we're all equal. We're all learning to be happy and not use at the same time!
Please post and keep with us. Wish you and your family the best!
This is one of the craziest experiences in my life.....The constant roller coaster of emotions and the physical and mental challenges are the worst. Thank you all for your supporting comments and I truly know that aftercare is the only answer. I just have to figure out how to squeeze it into my schedule and keep it low profile. I am doing better today and actually slept about 5 hours which was a huge relief. I am starting to have some weird dreams which I some what remember in the morning. I actually rode my exercise bike at work again today for about 28 minutes and plan on working out on my BowFlex again tonight. I know that exercise is the key to help repair the brain but it seems like the last thing that I feel like doing....Ironic I guess. My wife and child are sick right now and I am fighting to keep up the energy and attitude to help them out as much as possible. I still do not have my normal motivation or energy back yet but I must say I feel better than a couple weeks ago. I was really close to going and getting something from the doctor to help me sleep but I have heard enough to know that is not for me! Thanks for your support everyone....I greatly appreciate it!
Oh I know I know I know how it goes! I'm on Day 36 myself, and still low energy and motivation. Cravings are still there too -- seems they're every bit as bad as on Day 7. But I'm not going back to that place; remember how bad it is? And remember how bad the acute withdrawal was? Let's not go back there.
Thirty days or so is such a short time. I know it will get better. Hang in there! And congratulations on making it this far and being strong.
Thirty days or so is such a short time. I know it will get better. Hang in there! And congratulations on making it this far and being strong.
You mentioned in your post: "I am mostly fighting the urge to use..."
I just wanted to share what I did on day 5 of withdrawal from opiates. I fought the urge all day on day 5. I had just shy of a 30 day supply on hand. I was in DEEP depression, anxiety, no sleep... you know the drill. And the worst thing was, I was trying to fix my thinking with my own thinking. It was my own thinking that had got me to that day in my life, in the first place! And I found myself thinking my way back to my 30-day supply. But that wasn't working for me any more. It was taking more and more opiate to arrive at the same destination I had come accustomed to. You know the drill. So I decided to not use, just for that moment and look up an NA meeting near me instead. It turned out to be the best thing I could have ever done for myself. That night I got to listen to SOMEONE ELSE'S thinking instead of my own sick, anxious, depressed, stinking thinking that had been building up for 5 bad days of withdrawal. I went home that night to finish my WDs and I kept my 5 days clean time.
Now It's gotten better by going in to aftercare. I never have to use an addicting drug again. I don't have to be alone and fight the urge to use anymore. "WE" deal with that together, not "I". I hear something from everyone, and I take it home with me from every meeting I go to. I'm clean 225 days today.
You didn't mention in your post about aftercare. If you go, use the program and us fellow addicts to the max. You don't have to use your DOC! If you haven't ever gone, try it. It will clear that thinking out and bring in some new fresh thoughts that will give you a brand new outlook on life. You'll turn down the next offer for some freebys, promise.
I just wanted to share what I did on day 5 of withdrawal from opiates. I fought the urge all day on day 5. I had just shy of a 30 day supply on hand. I was in DEEP depression, anxiety, no sleep... you know the drill. And the worst thing was, I was trying to fix my thinking with my own thinking. It was my own thinking that had got me to that day in my life, in the first place! And I found myself thinking my way back to my 30-day supply. But that wasn't working for me any more. It was taking more and more opiate to arrive at the same destination I had come accustomed to. You know the drill. So I decided to not use, just for that moment and look up an NA meeting near me instead. It turned out to be the best thing I could have ever done for myself. That night I got to listen to SOMEONE ELSE'S thinking instead of my own sick, anxious, depressed, stinking thinking that had been building up for 5 bad days of withdrawal. I went home that night to finish my WDs and I kept my 5 days clean time.
Now It's gotten better by going in to aftercare. I never have to use an addicting drug again. I don't have to be alone and fight the urge to use anymore. "WE" deal with that together, not "I". I hear something from everyone, and I take it home with me from every meeting I go to. I'm clean 225 days today.
You didn't mention in your post about aftercare. If you go, use the program and us fellow addicts to the max. You don't have to use your DOC! If you haven't ever gone, try it. It will clear that thinking out and bring in some new fresh thoughts that will give you a brand new outlook on life. You'll turn down the next offer for some freebys, promise.
Hi just need to talk,
Cravings are very very difficult to deal with. You need to be sure you KNOW what you want. the truth is pills are NOT an option. At all. You need to believe it and then act like it. No way you would say yes to the one thing that is ruining your life if you go back to using them! No Way! and if this guy was a friend, you should've warned him about what you have been through and how you are going bonkers to keep from taking them, they are that addictive.
I've found that if i talk to other people like this, it makes me stronger. And oftentimes, they end up telling me something they are struggling with and that they need encouragement. We need to fight this addiction to its death! in our own bodies and in truth!
You did the right thing by not calling him back. Do not go for the quick fix. It is a trap door and you are already 7days out of the cellar of crud and death!
Cravings are very very difficult to deal with. You need to be sure you KNOW what you want. the truth is pills are NOT an option. At all. You need to believe it and then act like it. No way you would say yes to the one thing that is ruining your life if you go back to using them! No Way! and if this guy was a friend, you should've warned him about what you have been through and how you are going bonkers to keep from taking them, they are that addictive.
I've found that if i talk to other people like this, it makes me stronger. And oftentimes, they end up telling me something they are struggling with and that they need encouragement. We need to fight this addiction to its death! in our own bodies and in truth!
You did the right thing by not calling him back. Do not go for the quick fix. It is a trap door and you are already 7days out of the cellar of crud and death!
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