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1915001 tn?1322662784

Day 3 and feeling like a bratty todler!

This is a real Mind F***. I don't know what to do w myself. I always have off on Tuesday. Today I wld have contacted a friend for a blueberry AKA 30mil perc. I would have taken it along w my prescribed Lortabs and floated blissfully through my house cleaning it from top to bottom. I don't feel like doing a damn thing w o a buzz. No cleaning, no cooking, no FBing, no decorating for xmass. Nothing is fun w o the high I'm so desperately craving! And I'm pissed off about it! Pissed off at myself and jealous of other ppl who find joy in ANYTHING while being sober! Oh and I also spent the last 20minutes licking blue residue off anything I could find w it on. Jewelry boxes, pill containers, straws, razor blade, plastic baggys! Yeah, I'm a real classy gal!
27 Responses
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1345254 tn?1325918041
How much do you take and is it everyday? Are you trying to quit? I know you have no energy, but staying busy with cleaning or whatever has been a real life saver for me.  I'm on day 2! Let us know and we will help you!

We have all been there.  Stay strong and POST POST POST
Helpful - 0
1888659 tn?1322439115
Are you doing this on purpose?  
The person you just described above is ME..
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Avatar universal
Lol...so funny I use to save all my bottles I don't know why...who knows...but I remember standing at my sink and putting water in like 50 pill bottles swishing it around and drinking the water...that was day 5 did I get anything he!! NO..... But I was hurting so bad..  yeah I know real class act....hang in there its beauty on the other side.. good luck.  
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Avatar universal
Oh if i would have had the strength I would have rinsed out 50 more....come smile that's just funny right there..lol..
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1915001 tn?1322662784
Oh, yes I'm trying to quit. I'm not liking it one bit(the quiting). I have had pills everyday since april. Started last Dec. But april started the every day a few a day habit. Now its up to 6 a day to keep me feeling good. But more than that for a high. I;m just miserable. Doubting my decision to dime my self out to pain management. and I know misery is only a text away for me. My town is full of stay home moms and well off  ppl who happily spend everyday high on pills bc it is very socially exceptable.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I can relate but careful with the razor blades!  LOL!

This is going to tough for you because of your environment mostly...I can only tell you what I think might help:

Change your mindset.
Change everything about your thinking and routines.
Think of ONE thing that you love to do(aside from the pills)and do it. Once your brain realizes you CAN really do something without a pill, you WILL see/feel the joy in things.
Set some very short term goals.
Make an appt. with your doctor for some help.

We do the best when we get support and help with recovery. Can you try?
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Really?? About the sahm's and wives?? Thats crazy!! I would have never thought it!! I seriously felt like a huge loser because here i am, sahm, married to a police officer, great life, dont have to work, in school, but throwing all my days away with pills!! So eye opening to know that!!
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1915001 tn?1322662784
I am married to a police officer too. I can do this. I can. I hope.
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1915001 tn?1322662784
I was carefull w the razor blade :/ thank u all for letting me *****!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Well, I guess you were careful with the razor blade!  LOL!!

Of course you can do this!!

Do you have kiddos?

Does your husband know about the pills?
Helpful - 0
1915001 tn?1322662784
My husband knows about the prescribed. I didn't tell him i hav been purchasing too. Allthough through text Iast night I told him...you do realize dear that the end to this misery I'm feeling is only a text away for me. Do you understand what I mean hun? He replied, yes I assumed that all along. and I know you can resist that tempation. I have 2 kids. 8yr old boy and a 6yr old girl :)
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1915001 tn?1322662784
that is funny...lol
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Avatar universal
That's what I was talking about when I mentioned your environment not being conducive to a drug free lifestyle. That's going to be hard for you. Also, the cavalier attitude that it's just fine and totally acceptable...that's hard to beat!

Do you have a plan as to how you can avoid that?  I don't think sheer will alone will do it...

It's good your husband is on board but does he know you're addicted?
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Amers860....I know right.....lol.....better to laugh than cry I suppose.....but wow would i hate to have to view myself doing that....thank goodness noone videoed me.....ssshhisshhh....that would be awful....good luck to you....
Helpful - 0
1881798 tn?1339680233
While we are making each other laugh...I washed a pill one time. Didn't find it until pants were dry. I took the pill, of course, wet lent and all. Hang in there. Be a success story!
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1915001 tn?1322662784
I pried up a deck board for a 30mil perc that dropped through the cracks. I wld hav deff took that fuzzy washed pill too! NO DOUBT! lol..oh boy :/
littlebit...I have to laugh at my situation or I will cry about it..for sure. I think its good to laugh we all know its serious but laughing helps.
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1915001 tn?1322662784
My husband knows but he doesnt seem to want to see the severity of it and the consequences of me traveling down this path. He loves to see me through rose colored glasses. He strongly beleives in the motto "happy wife, happy life" and if a pill makes me happy so be it. I told him I'm physically dependant. I have never used the term addict. I told him I'm having wd symptoms from my prescription. I havnt told him I buy stronger pills too. I use my prescription to feel good/normal. I buy pills and combine them w my script to get high. I blew it last night. A friend brought 5 vics over for me just bc. He did'nt want payment. They were left over from his dental work. He doesn't like them and new I would. I took 3 then my husband put the rest in his safe. Only after I asked him to do it. He would have let me take the rest. Yesterday would have been day 3 for me. I guess I reset the clock. Not sure how that works though.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Try taking L-tyrosine, vitamin b-6, and a multivitamin.  Helped me a great deal through my first 2 weeks.  Those, along with determination and forcing myself to do every day-to-day things (ie: gym, cleaning, work, cooking, etc) lead to me feeling better and happier then I did the entire year of me using.  The first 3-4 days were the hardest for me, and for many others as well they would tell you once you make it past the 3rd or 4th day, it is all downhill from there (downhill in the good way :D ).  
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
you really need to stay strong.....i was in your same situation and I got on a suboxone program to take away the w/d symptoms from opiates....well now Im going through the w/d of suboxone its day 2 and it really *****.....there is no easy way out...its mostly the habit and your atmosphere the best way to start is to start some sort of exercise program which really helps lessen the w/d process...next is to stay positive and turn to people that love you and support you completely....tell all your enablers to not sell you anything no matter what you say to them....and stay strong!! drug free is a chance at life and such a rewarding thing something NO pill can ever give you!!  You will make it:) O and its ok to cry it a way of healing...
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Also for any rebound pain you may be feeling, try a hot shower or a hot bath with epsom salt.  For lack of any sleep, I was drinking sleepy time tea before bed and that also helped a great deal.  
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
There's no hard and fast rule...It depends on you. Mostly, on this forum, folks reset their tracker. I did that but it's up to you. If it happens again or several more times (which it may...this is a process) then constantly setting back the tracker can feel very defeating.

If you want to stay clean...you need to get a little tough in the neighborhood! LOL  It's all around you and hard to resist,I know. What are you thinking about doing?

I'll tell you quickly(this was funny): We had a member who was hell bent on quitting. He didn't flush his pills; he threw them off the upstairs balcony. They landed on the roof of the next door building. It became late in the day and all he could see was that bottle of pills. It drove him crazy. Soooo, he decided to go on that roof but it was late by that time so he had to climb up the side of the building(all doors were locked). He had a hard time and it took him 2 hours to get to the top but he finally got them. And then he fell while climbing down. He was okay but it's always better to flush!!
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Avatar universal
Vickie and jlann thanks for sharing ur stories..I love to laugh and why not laugh at ourselves....and yes this was and is the most serious thing I've ever done in my life time...I don't take any of it lightly...but wow now this right here is living....I wouldn't change a thang.....good luck beautiful friends and laugh every chance u get...
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Avatar universal
I think ur doing awesome like Vickie said this is a process....
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1915001 tn?1322662784
That was some funny stuff! All that effort just to fall...hehehe! ;) He got his bottle though huh? lol! There is a lesson we can take from that story. If we put the same amount of effort in obtaining pills for example..chasing them, exagerating pain to be prescribed them, digging them out of the wash covered in lint, climbing a building, prying up deck boards to retrieve a dropped pill etc and put that energy into never putting another one of those nasty little buggers into our bodys again we would most definitly succeed!
Helpful - 0
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