how do i stop the mind games?

[kme17]

I have just about talked myself into getting just a few. 1 is to many and a thousand is never enough. I actually feel ok. I can't turn if off tho. I even have it all set up. I just keep looking for reasons to get out of it. Which is good but if I could do it n hide it from my husband I problem would. But I cut up every card except out joint card. I need help bad.

[Life360_Dave]

Tell you husband, you have to let others know about this and have to cut off the supply. You need support as this is a big deal and we fool our selves. If we tell others theres a chance we cant fool them but when it comes to ourselves its pretty easy to justify getting some as we feel really bad. The thing about this illness is that with normal sickneses we have medications that really help, like  when you get a cold and headache and such but with this there is no real cure only to get the substance out of our bodies #1 and let time get our bodies back to functioning normal #2. It takes effort, support, broken supply chain and the ability to endure.

[Calikid78]

Hang in there, im sure u can do it.  Know I can, just have to really want it , phuqing tug o war in the head it sux

[Calikid78]

I dunno ur situation but seems similar,  and I can totally relate to want ing to get clean when ur hi, or easier to go to meetings, I haven't gone, and I know I'm not alone in the sense that there are all kinds of people dealing with addiction, I just feel like utterly alone in general.  But I like u am not able to get my hands on any, and I know if I go like 3 days without them, I probably wouldn't get anymore, just cuz they cost me n arm n leg, and I already know the first couple days are the hardest , if I can get passed them I don't think I'll want to start over, them not being available is a blessing in disguise , at least for me, much as I don't want to admit it.

[kme17]

Thanks. Life. I am trying I really am.

[Life360_Dave]

To get through this our source has to be cut off or our taper source has be controlled as by a doctor. We are not up against a light breeze here but an overwhelming hail storm. Our bodies have been altered and the withdrawal symtoms are phycially real. Our neuros are out of wack and the need for relief can be terrifying and panic driven. We have allowed ,unknowingly, a substance to off set our natural bodily functions and is now dependant on the drug to make us feel normal. What a situation to be in. But if you look at this as something that must be done for our future welbeing, and just try, just try for a few tormenting days in the begining, the storm will subside if only enough to see the sun peeking through the dark and looming clouds. Before my reduction, i do remember the first 2 days, i was in no mans land, runny nose, restless leg syndrome, night chills, no appitite, not even enough energy to stand at the ketchen sink to wash the dishes, just needed to lie down in bed and hang on to my hat. But you know what keeps me going, is i discovered this is a moment by moment process in the first few days and after every moment i did feel a bit better, then a bit bit better, then much better, then not bad, then boy its good to be a least here where i am because where i have come from was wacked out world. All going through this just have faith that there is an end in sight. Its something that must be done.
dave

[kme17]

Well I didn't get any. And sad to admit this but its not cause I didn't want to its cause there aren't around. I feel pathetic ,sad, sick, and alone. I don't think I ever had it like this before. All the physical was a breeze. The mental have been worse then ever from day 1!

[ashka747]

I can totally relate to having good intentions to stop while using, but it seems to all go out the window when the actual day comes. Please don't give in. Sober people give people like me hope! Hugs.

[waterLilly7]

This is Kyle's area of expertise, so please trust what he says.

You need to cut those ties.

good luck to you, if I can do this (day 85) then you can too. I am the biggest wuss in the world.

Stay tough, cut the ties, and look to the bright future!
hugs,
Lily

[kyle505]

The most immediate thing is to cut ALL sources. And tell your secret. Tell your husband what you've been considering. If you keep the secret you will relapse behind it. If you can't get pills you won't take then. Then get aftercare. Three simple things. They'll save your life if  you let them.

[mary577]

Will power to quit when you are high.....that's counter productive, isn't it?

Now, talk yourself out of taking any more pills.   You will never beat this until you get serious and do it.   You will get better....trust the people here who tell you this.  

[kme17]

Thanks. I have went to one NA but was still using. It's a lot easier to go when I'm high. I also have a lot more will power to quit when I am using or so it seems that way.

[Nursey7]

Hang in there; you have been doing good!! Please don't use it will only make you feel the guilt and the shame! Then you would be starting all over and that would really ****!  I feel your pain; I was just there. I am on day 29 and still struggle. All along there have been good days and bad ones. I am going to an addiction therapist in just a few minutes. Are you in Amy kind of aftercare? NA or AA are helpful; it makes you feel like "wow" I am not alone. Keep posting and please whatever you do don't use