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Avatar universal

Decision is final

Dear all who have supported me through my addiction.
I saw my sub doc yesterday and I decided myself (altho he was more than happy to prescribe them) that I don't want to go on subs. I thought they might give me a 'maintained stabilised mood somewhat like my dihydrocodeines do...but they don't" they apparently just stop the physical dependence symptoms. SO if I took them I'd be left with my emotions and anxiety basically everything iv repressed and numbed for the last ten to fifteen years. What's the point in that if I have to withdraw from the subs after?
I have to face this hell but in a 'kinder way' by tapering my meds. The thought of it terrifies me. I will go on to mirtazapine too so that MIGHT help me a it with my severe depressed moods. I have hit a wall. But I have no choice. I'm 30 and it's now or never and if it's never my health will deteriorate more than it already has.
Right now I have no idea how this will pan out. But what other alternative is there???
Thanks for the support and advice you've all given me - my decision is made. I have to face LIFE.
12 Responses
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6990909 tn?1435275816
Hey girl...don't let any individual(s) drive  you away from MH.  There are so many wonderful folks here for support...no judgment.  I'm not sure what is going on, but you deserve to be treated with kindness and respect.  I ditto Meeg above, here to support you!
Sending you prayers!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Think I'm going to leave this forum. There ARE nice people that are lovely and supportive but still too many from past posts who talk down to me and make me feel like I'm dreading some comments ppl will tell me. And I don't think it's right cz I come here for care and support nothing else. I'm lonely as it is without ppl lecturing me. Especially when they don't even know what they're talking about . Gd luck to u all and thanks to those who were kind to me.
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Avatar universal
There's no Tylenol it's dihydrocodeine ... Xx
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Avatar universal
What exactly is it you take again? And what mg's? Is it tylenol number #3 with 30mgs of codiene? If so the bloody acetaminophen is going to kill your liver soon. If you cant bring yourself down atleast ask your doc for something w/o the tylenol in it.
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Avatar universal
I just want a more normal life. Fed up with myself and letting myself down day in day out. Depleted. Just depleted.
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Avatar universal
Hey guys. Not doing so well :( iv relapsed many times and eventhough I have aftercare nothing seems to be helping. I'm thinking mayb subutex is the way to go - to keep me from using. Some days it's been up to 28 a day. I'm so depleted and exhausted with hoping this will sort itself alone. Which is my reason for which I'm leaning towards subs. Iv spoken to am addiction doctor who was once an ordinary doctor but specialises in addiction and treatment for addiction, and iv spoken to my main doctor who's been prescribing the dihydrocodeine for my taper. They BOTH agree I should go on subs as it's safer than the load of DHC I put in my body each day and it would stop all the stress and guilt I'm putting on myself. I know many on this forum don't like subs but in my case it may b the thing that puts an end to my obsession.
Helpful - 0
1742220 tn?1331356727
how you doing lola?  be careful no matter what you do and make sure your health issues come first.  as long as you got that covered, I support you in all you do!!!  nice to see you posting :)
Helpful - 0
4522800 tn?1470325834
Drugs flip our Brain wiring and there is so much up there. Between hormones, receptors, chems, transmitters, that this is what will take time..Believe me it took me over a couple of yrs for my brain to flip right..The mental will not hurt you, but it is hard to understand as you feel new feelings. You soon come around and all feels good. The reason it took me so  long is because I have been using for 40yrs off & on and I got clean when I was 56 back in 2012. The Dr said it would take time and it did. IT MIGHT NOT for you, but just know the mental could be part of the detox. Those happy chems get knocked down and drugs block the Seritoin receptors so you are not making as much and it does not recycle like it should. Many other chems do the same.. It WILL all FIRE up soon. Just keep going forward and stay in the light..Get ALL the SUPPORT you can..As you grow new things come up and it is good to share at a meetings. Others way before will understand what you are going threw. I wish you the best and good luck.
I was on the site helping others every single day for over 2yrs as my MH Family helped me get through some sad times. Just got back from a Heart procedure again and I am feeling better. SO I missed your other post.
Bless
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Avatar universal
Yes I will be in aftercare. I'm just so sad, drained and depressed about even a seconds thought of it. There's no other choice to be had :( feel so low these days (until I take my med doses but that's only a temp relief from my thoughts and heartache)...
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Avatar universal
Good deal! Ya the subs aren't a get out of recovery free card. But neither is tapering. You're still going to have anxiety etc..with the taper. So make sure you're in aftercare.
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Avatar universal
Good luck!
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Avatar universal
Congrats on your decision!! I think you made the right choice. Good luck with the taper, I could never do that, it was all or nothing for me. Your a strong woman!! Good Luck!~Sherry
Helpful - 0
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