It's nice to see you. Please, no one thinks your 'upity' ! :) I think you're honest & that's always refreshing. You're not a sheep, that's for sure. (Another plus in my book for whatever that's worth).
I stopped watching the news for the most part years ago for the very same reasons that you mention.
I'm sorry that you're feeling ill. Take good care of yourself & make sure to hydrate well & eat healthily. (Sorry if I'm being a mother hen, here! ;)
Anger, restlessness, boredom, unease, grief -- we all encounter these things more intensely after we detox. I'm still learning how to sit w/ these things & let them play themselves out w/o 'reacting' or reaching for something. Learning to do this seems to be the key to the whole thing.
I'm glad that you understand about having to build a support network/structure to protect yourself, now. :)
Update on Day 51 here.
Up until yesterday I was just happy and grateful to be off Oxy and have my life and my health back. I did not experience any depression which I hear is very common after the physical withdrawals are over.
Yesterday I got incredibly angry. I didn't really know why I was angry. It started with the morning news. All I see are DISTRACTIONS and PROPAGANDA. But even this does not explain why I was so angry. Last night I started to show some flue symptoms I think I caught a cold and now I have a slight fever. My gf says its a good thing so I build up more resistance to the whatever flu virus is going around.
I am just annoyed at the lady standing behind me in line yesterday that kept coughing onto the back of my neck I'm pretty sure that's where it came from.
Anyway its really not that bad. I feel strong and have a good apatite so I really have nothing to complain about. All I have to do is think back to those 1st few days of detox and I'm grateful I don't ever have to feel as bad as I did then again.
Hi new friend thank you so much for your kind words.
I agree completely I need to build some sort of support system, people who know and understand what I have been through and am going through and that I can discuss things with. That is why I came back to this board.
I was amazed yesterday at how you all came to the support of a hurting member here. I would like to build a support system like that.
I think I sound too happy and upity in my messages which leads some members to think I have an easy life or was brought up on a silver spoon. Nothing could be farther from the truth. I have suffered since I was a little kid and was homeless on the street at age 13. I really suffered for many years. I know what it feels like to not have food for days on end, to be cold in wet at night eaten alive by bugs.
Anything I have I worked my *** off for. While friends and almost everyone I knew in recovery (many of the so called big book gurus) went back to drugs while I kept on working. This is one of the reasons I have a problem with these groups. People come into recovery and the replace the drugs with the big book, then a few months later at some point the big book cannot give them what the drugs gave them and they relapse.
I am going to make a point of posting here whether ppl like me or not and maybe over time everyone will realize that I have suffered enough. That I have good heart that wants to help people and that I need all the help and support I can get.
I work hard because I never want to be that little kid on the side of the road in the rain, cold, wet, hungry and completely alone. I will work hard on my recovery because I never want to feel like I did those 1st days off Oxy again.
Thanks again Evolver
Great to see you Mark! :) You sound great. I'm glad to hear that you have energy & that you feel up & optimistic. I think your attitude & drive in this whole thing must have really helped you.
My buddy Weaver's right -- you were on a high dose & you were on the $ when you said that you might OD on a much lower dose. (Ding! Ding! Ding!) That's exactly how most OD's happen. I've seen it time after time with Heroin & with pills. It happens when we go back after kicking & we don't understand what our tolerance will be. The older you get -- the higher the risk. We're never guaranteed another go round so it's paramount that we throw everything into our current sobriety as if it's the only chance we'll ever get. (To do otherwise, suggests that we're setting ourselves up for another run).
AA/NA is not for everyone. It's True but that doesn't mean that we can't find other ways to be vigilant & protect ourselves from future use. I think the best thing to do is to have a bunch of structures in place to turn to & people to keep you 'honest'. The thing is, we're sometimes on cloud 9 (& rightly so) when we first kick not understanding the challenges that will Certainly face us down the line. Believe me, the urge will come back upon you whether it's in the guise of a new drug or your old stomping ground. Like Weaver said, getting the drug out of your body is the easier part. Staying clean...well, that's the work of a lifetime! :)
Proud of you & Congrats on Day 49, my new friend. :)
Hi Weaver nice to see you here and thank you for accepting my friend request.
I have attended several NA/AA meetings but I am not really sold on them yet. Many liken them to a cult and honestly I don’t know if socializing with drug addicts and focusing & thinking about drugs is so healthy for me. I visited my father in Europe recently and he smokes cigarettes and I found myself craving to smoke one. I have not smoked in years after dropping a pack per day habit and basically I go months without cigarettes even crossing my mind. I forget they exist. Once they were in my face every day I started thinking about them and craving them. Anyway of course I did not give in and until writing this I have not thought about them since.
My inspiration is my work. I love what I do more than anything. I don’t have a college education nor a high school diploma and I really struggled working as a bartender when I was in my late teens and early twenties. Over the years I have built a successful business that I love and that is way more important to me than using any drug.
I was a freebase Cocaine addict in my early 20’s and I did 5 months in recovery house focused on the 12 steps. I have stayed clean off of it since then (for years) not because I worked the steps, I did not nor did I attend meetings. I stayed off Cocaine because I wanted my business more then I wanted the drug. Now that years have passed I no longer think about Cocaine at all and I have no urge to ever use it again. All I have to do is recollect how I felt a few hours after that 1st hit.
I have friends who I respect and admire who swear by the 12 steps so I do believe there is something there. However I do see them as overly 1 minded and cultish. Like its either our way our you are doing it wrong and are doomed. Which is not true, I have gone for many years never picking up Cocaine again without the steps.
Not saying I am not open to the meetings. I have been going to 1 group now on and off as I have gotten to know some of the members there + I just feel good after going there and sharing with everyone and hearing how everyone else is doing.
Also there is another part of me staying clean off Cocaine and now the Oxy. Looking back over the years there have been times I was tempted to use Cocaine again but I was always too scared. I thought that if I used it not only would I probably od I might end up back where I was in the 1srt place. A hopeless addict who could not stop.
Wow 1800 mgs per day of Oxy that is insane. At 1000 a day I felt like I was putting my life at risk every day. The thing about addiction is that is progresses even when you don’t use so if I was stupid enough to pick up oxy’s again I would really be playing with fire cause I bet I could only handle a dose of 20mgs or so.
I made some incredibly stupid business decisions during the haze of my oxy addiction that I really regret and had to write off a fairly significant some of $. I don’t trust myself on oxy or what I will do. You think you are thinking just fine until you come out of the haze and realize just how stupid how really were.
I love my business and respect it way more then too ever put it at the hands of an idiot that I was.
That's awesome, sounds like you are doing great. Do you go to meetings or church, anything to inspire you to keep getting better? It's easy to put the drugs behind us and forget that our addiction is waiting to grab us again. You were on a pretty high dose, so I imagine you are seeing how easy you could have died. A buddy of mine was on 1800mgs of Oxy and went into a coma. It's amazing how tough and how fragile we are. I OD's a few times myself, I am amazed how it didn't scare me as much at the time as it does now. I know that with my low tolerance now, I could die very easily if I relapsed. I am doing all I can to not let that happen. So, besides working out, what inspires you? What drives you to be the best person you can be?
Report on Day 49
Thank you so much everyone that helped me. This board was really an inspiration to me during those 1st days when I was really suffering and needed it most.
I am now pretty much fully recovered. I eat very well, I go to the gym everyday, I sleep with no problems every night. Physically I have my strength back, I can run several kilometers as well as walk for hours without getting tired and I am at peace. I am not depressed at all I SO HAPPY to have my health and my life back.
Those last days on Oxy I remember well. I liken it too being in an out of control car, speeding down the highway the wrong way with no brakes or steering. You know you are about to go down hard. You just don't know whats going to get you 1st. At 1000 mgs of that crap per day I felt like it was just a matter of time before I od'd.
Looking back now on those 1st few days of hell It really was not as bad as I thought it would be. And now I hold those days of suffering close, I think about how I felt then because I don't ever want to feel like that again. Its not worth it.
God Bless Everyone. Please stay clean. I think that all drugs are just a big lie. Like the Devil they promise you instant gratification and peace from either physical pain or mental anguish but what they take away from you in the end is 10X the little relief the offered in the 1st place.
Thanks again Everyone that helped. You don't even know me but you took time out of your day to post messages of encouragement filled with great advise.
Report on Day 11
1st of thanks Annie much appreciated. Taking it easy on the valium, not really feeling pain anymore so I don't need them except if I cant fall asleep tonight I will drop 20 mgs and see if that works. In any case have not used any yet today.
I feel great today, happy, strong, the amino acids, vitamines and steady fish diet has done wonders. Still though every time we go out I tire out after about 20 minutes so I feel like I have more energy then I actually have.
The muscle spasms and pain I felt even 3 days ago is gone now. I am a bit concerned as I have an 11 hour flight tomorrow but my lawyer will show me off and make sure porters carry my bags and my girl will be by my side so pretty much everything will be done for me. Also I am in 1st class so I will have plenty of room to stretch out but still 11 hours is a long time to be on an airplane in my weakened state.
I will point out again 1st 5 days were a living hell and the main battle was to keep hydrated. Its very simple the more dehydrated u are the weaker u are I had to go to hospital and have 3 gallons of saline solution injected otherwise I think I would have died.
preceding 5 days were still alot of pain, cant eat, cant sleap but here at day 11 things are really turning around. I have little to now pain, my legs feel relaxed I am on the phone all day with business contacts and I find myself forgetting that I am still detoxinng like I feel like just a normal person again.
I will continue to report on my progress. Thank you so much for all the wonderful advice I have received here and if u are in the 1st few days of detox just remember, every minute that goes by u are closer to feeling better again.
Whoah...Screech! (brakes:) That's a pretty high dose of Valium my friend. Not only is it addictive but it's a CNS depressant & you can OD on them.
No, the w/d's are not the same as with an opiate. There is a risk of seizures with prolonged use. (Although Valium is probably marginally safer than say, Xanax in this respect but there's no guarantee). The symptoms usually involve extended sleep loss, gut issues (as they mess with your serotonin levels), rebound anxiety & tremors. I don't think you'll go through w/d's after 5 days but I'd taper off them. Don't stop abruptly. Your system already has enough to deal with. If possible please, consult a Dr. about it. 50 mgs? (No wonder it helped with sleep during the acutes!) ;)) The fact of the matter, is that we have to heal & one of the symptoms is poor sleep or sleeplessness at first. (No way around it!) Better to do it sooner than later, though (when the issue might be complicated by a further addiction, eh?).
All Good Things Your Way,
I took 5 10 mg pills last night at around 10 pm and was sleeping like a rock within 20 minutes.
So valieum is as addictive as heroin with similar withdrawals?? will I go thru withdrawels after 5 days use avrg 50 mgs per day??
Wow EvolverU thank you for that.
What an idiot I was I was under the impression they were not addictive at all. About 10 minutes on Google taught my otherwise Valium/ Diazipan is HIGHLY ADDICTIVE I really had no idea.
Well I will be very carefull then, it has been a tremendous sleep aid over the past 2 days but I have no interest whatsoever to develop a new addiction. I have a flight to Europe on Thursday. I guess I will continue to use them until then to help me sleep and then dump whatever remaing pills I have before I board the flight.
Dr perscrbied me 100 10mg pills so I have a bunch of it. Will I get addicted if I use the Valium for 2 more days?
that would be 5 days fairly heavy use?
anyone have any ideas? or should I just dump the 80 pills or so I have left down the toilet right now??
confused. I did not know diazipan was addictive
Huge Props to you on your kick!! You came off a high dose of Oxycontin & I'm glad that you used the M'done as a transition & didn't stay on it (as it can be an even worse kick:) I'm also happy to hear that you're eating, exercising & hydrating so well! (Way to go!!) The only thing that I'd caution you about is the benzos. (& I say this from experience). They are a whole different animal to kick & tolerance can build quickly & can interfere with True neurological healing (read: sleep, energy & emotional balance). So, if you're still taking them (though I completely understand the need for some to take them initially), please, be very careful! Good Luck on your trip & Thanks for the update!:))
Report on day 10
I felt so good this morning, so much energy like I was back to 100% but after about an hour away from home I was so tired I could not go on and had to drive straight home. So take it easy on yoursoleves if you are newley clean and just off a serious detox like I am. Don't over exert yourself. You might feel totaly normal but you are still very weak.
10 days of 800 mgs oxycontine per day a habit that cost me $6,000 a month I am well on my way to recovery. The worst is the 1st 5 days then it starts getting better fairly quickly.
What has worked for me is lots of vitimins, fruit and fresh fish and drink as mcuh as you can. Keep yourself hydrated. Also soak your body in scadling hot water, as hot as you can take it even it if huts just force yourself to stay in the water for 10 minutes. Keep active, dont just ly there in bed and think about how miserabole you are, do things, try to walk oustides, get to the compcuter and start talking to ppl, go the gym and do some lifting with your legs and run a bit if u can handle it.
No matter u will suffer like a living hell for 1st days but it start getting better very quickly. If I can compare how I feel right now to 3 days ago its like light and day.
Day 10 here I am happy with little pain, I have less energy then I think I do but Im taking it slow. The valium is not the greatest advice however if u cannot sleep the diazipan can put u out for 10 hours if u take 35 mgs or so. But be very carefull with valium, only use it short term lest you develop a new addiction.
I am not epxect by any means not even close but I did come down from 800mgs oxycontine per day and I amd just pointing out the things that helped me. This forum has been HUGE, there are very knowledgable people here who will give advice and words of encouragement.
Well I have a 10 hour flight to Europe on Thrusday but I suspect it wont be a problem. The pain is almost all gone. i am eating well, sleeping well and staying as active as possible.
I will continue to report on my progress forward.
Congratulations 16 days is a HUGE FEAT and the worst is way behind you now. I am day 10 today and I feel better and stronger then I have felt in a long time I just got back form the Gym, I ran 2ks on the treadmill then did some heavy lifting with my legs. Now will soak in really really hot water that is something that has really helped me as well as EATING HEALTHY. Lots of fish and I am taking vitimin supliments.
Honestly I feel no pain right now, I am calm, relaxed after my hot bath and ready to go and do things!!!!
Today is 10 times better then yesterday and yesterday was 10 times better then the day before. Yeah 1st 5 days were pure evil hell I would not wish that on anyway. I lost over 15lbs in 1st 5 days and had to be hospitalzied for dehyrdation but all that pain and suffering is behind me but I will never forget it and I will think of those 1st days every time I am tempted to use.
I slept like a rock last night btw a good 9 hours straight.
Thanks again Dave so happy for you to too be out of that trap an that misery they prescribed us.
Doing Great everyone, Love life!!
Congratulations you are making great progress!!! Don't stop now, you realized you had to stop, you did!! That's huge the worst is behind, just think of it as a bad flu, your body is healing, the human body is remarkable what it can overcome!!! I've been clean now 16days from eating 120mgs of Percs a day and those first 3 days are hell, no sleep, restlessness, puking, sweating, aches, yawning etc,,, but each day gets soo much better congratulations keep it going your almost thru this!!!
I totally agree I was in so much pain 1st few days nothing except more oxy would have helped anyway. I just had to suffer through it and suffer through it I did. All in all lost about 10 lbs 1st week.
Now I am slowly gaining it back thanks to my gf's wonderfull and thoughtful cooking. The diazipan sure helps relax the legs and I suspect I will sleep well tonight.
I need it. too much tosing and turning last night. I will report on my progress tomorrow it will be 10 days off the oxy!!!
thanks again weaver71 I really appreciate it.
The benzos work better after the worst of detox passes. Valium did nothing for me in acute detox. Wide awake and waiting I did! You have a decent plan and seem ready. Remember it's a marathon not a sprint and look for progress rather than perfection. It will keep getting better, too many have proven it and profess it's true. Keep on truckin.' I never met an old school opiate addict who thinks it's worth it, we had our fun and the thrill is gone. Keep your eyes on the prize!
Just got back from the supermarket with all kinds of goodies, pretty much everything suggested here.
I also broke down and bought a bunch of valiums o diazipan. They are helping me relax thats for sure.
Oh yes, fish with it's Omega fatty acids is vital in brain function and healing. I take fish oil caps everyday for bipolar, it helps for sure. Those lipids make up the majority of our brain, other than water. I couldn't eat or sleep so soon, you are doing great. Keep adding the good stuff and let the bad stuff get further in the past. Way to go bud!
Day 9 here.
9 days clean off oxy and 4 days clean off methedone.
Slept some last night, major pain most of the night but feel 10 times better right now. Pain in legs is almost gone and I have some energy. Can actually sit at my desk with little pain I feel great. Gonna go to exito and get all vitaimins and amino acids sugggested. I think that fish soup with carrots, potatoes,platanoes and rice I managed to keep down yesterday helped ALOT. Also I was able to get some sleep. I can my body recovery quickily.
I am a recovered cocain addict (free base) and have been going to n/a meetings for years. Going to go back to step 1 and work the steps again. No way do I ever want to get caught in this trap again.
Thank you VICourageous
I feel much stronger now then I did this morning. I soaked in very hot water as hot as I could take it and that really helped calm my legs and muscle spasms.
I don't have the strength to drive to supermarket today but will get there tomorrow am and buy everything suggested here.
Today I have been sipping on agua de pipa (coconut juice which is full of electrolyites and eating soup my gf made for me of fresh fish, carrots, potatoes and platanos.
I am starting to feel much better and even forget about the pain for a while as CR beat Greece what a game!!!!
viva Costa Rica!!!!!
Much love everyone!
Hi & Welcome. I too was using the oxys/hydo that lead me up the latter to a 12 yr ride on them Dones. However, I got in a bit more trouble adding a couple of other meds to the mix. Went c/t back in 2012.. I will say that there are many factors here on your side..One is that you are not up there in age and have not been using most of your Life.
My Bud Weaver gave you some good tips on what to pick up..I would like to say I get all my Amino-Acids in on pill..They are all the L-s..A-V. Plus there are a few that I can take alone for energy..You will find what vit/min help you relax and some will help with energy..Still, all of this takes time to kick in, as it will take time for these Toxins to leave your body. It is the Brain that has to adjust back from the removal of these Stims. It took me over a Year to start to balance from my drug use for most of my Life..Also I am no spring chic. SO, Just go with the flow as you will experience Stages as you heal..Just trust the process and surrender. Make sure you do take the Magnesium, Potassium, Calcium and Ds at night..These really help relax the muscles too. Also I do remember drinking some Tonic water and also would put the Bragg's Apple Vinegar in my water..this will help rid those toxins. Pick up the Protein Powder and make a shake adding Berries. Berries is a great antioxidant. There are many Tips on here, but I would like to say that the Detox is the Easy Part..It is working on staying clean, is when the work really begins. I do wish you the best and glad that you got out sooner then later. Also try getting under a Heating Blanket for the Bone pain or other aches and pains..It works great!!
Thank you weaver71 and Saspan so much for your words of encourangement and advice. I soacked in hot water for the last 20 minutes and that has really calmed down my legs and the muscle spasms.
I am actually enjoying watching the world cup which is a huge improvement from the 1st 3 days off the oxy's I was so miserable and suffering I could not even watch the tv.
Going to exito in a bit to pick up suggested vitamens, epsom salts and EmergenC. Most importatnly I have kept the nasia at bay and my body is accepting liquids well so I am fully hydrated. Getting severely dehytradted being my biggest fear but its not going to happen this agua de pipa is so full of electrolyites.
Cant believe Holland took out mexico in last 5 minutes going to watch Costa Rica vs Greece.
I will continue to report on my progress. Agreed 100% is is synthetic herion and my dose was very high howevver I was only addicted 6 months and it is 1st time I every used opiates.
I feel like the worst is behind me. Will let you guys know
And god bless you for answering me and your wonderfull advice.