Diary of an Addict

[tasha0104]

I have a dark secret. I live a double life I guess you could say. In one life I am a loving mother of two children and a wife to a hard working husband. The other life I am addicted to oxicontin. I have to do atleast 30mg a day so I don't have withdrawl symptoms. I have tried to quit numerous times, but the cravings are to strong. I have no will power I guess. I use to smoke pot and I thought it was hard to quit, but it was nothing compared to this. The crazy thing is two years ago I would get so sick just eating or snorting one perk 5, but there is just something about oxi's that take a hold and won't let go. Detox is not an option for me, I have a family to take care of..so what is an addict to do? I am reaching out for some support from somebody that knows what I am going through or has a similar story as mine.

Sincerally,
Addict

[outotown]

You said at least 30mg a day so exactly how much are you using, and if 30mg a day go c/t get thur that 5 or 6 days, and get some type of aftercare. TELL YOUR HUSBAND, my whole family knew i sat them down after talking to my wife and told all 3 of my kids and my cloest friends. You will need thier love and support. Good Luck to you

[Prospero73]

I'd say, come clean with your family and ask for their support.  If you don't get it, kiss them goodbye.  The consequences of playing a cover-up game with people close to you are too great.  Our son, aged 27, died of a methadone overdose last month.  Although we knew of his addiction and attempts to recover, he never revealed the full extent of his drug usage, which continued almost unchecked until the end.  I'm not sure we could have prevented the fatal outcome, but more information would have given us a chance to do what we could.

You definitely need people outside your family whom you can trust and talk to, who have had experience in what you are going through, and whom you can call if you're in danger of a relapse.

[guv338]

Jump and Jump now.  There is no time like the present.  It will only get worse if you wait.
My jump was in late Jan. 09.  I made the Suboxone mistake for 25 more days.  I know it
feels terrible to even consider stopping but your dose is so low, that it hopefully will be better than most.  Hopefully your hard working husband will be supportive to you.  Can you tell him?  It was sure beneficial to me to have my spouse behind me through this ordeal.  Don't worry about your double life as a mom, wife and addict.  All  you need to do is interchange, father, son, brother, sister, boss, worker, teacher, doctor, etc and someone in this group has been there.  Keep your head up and get 'er done.

[mindlink]

I just came off 40mg a day.  It was hard because I did it alone (I was too proud to let my family know), but you have a loving family who would be more than pleased to help you get through this.  Don't underestimate how much they care!  Just "come clean" with your husband.  Tell him what you're feeling and what you would like his help with.  Ask him to explain it to your children.  Then do it!  Read some of my posts and those of others who are or have been experiencing Oxy withdrawal.  If you also work outside the home, take a week off once you have tapered to about half of your present dose, then rely on your husband to read the posts here and, thereby, get ideas on how to help.  Keep reaching out to us as you have done.  We truly care.

[refusingbondage]

Join the club hon!  Lots of full time mothers, fathers, husbands, wives, career people, doctors, lawyers, etc.. addiction does not play favorites.  There are many of us exactly where you are and many who have been.  The good news is 30mg/day is not that bad YET so please right now is a good time to stop.  Some people say taper, some say cold turkey -- have you tried to taper?  Does anyone know whats going on that can help you taper (as in hold your meds and dose it daily to you?)  I always think cold turkey is best.. most addicts just cannot taper.. Going cold turkey will buy you about 5-6 days of being sick.  Tell the kids you have the flu.  You can make it through withdrawal.  Lots of full time moms here have done so.. seems your problem is the cravings though right?  I would suggest some kind of support group. NA/AA, a doctor/therapist, church. You will need help making it through.. Its hard to admit your an addict. Once you do you have to reach out for help and find the time to do so.. getting on top of and staying on top of your addiction can be quite literally a full time job at first.. but its possible.  Ive been clean for 8 months now and all through the help of this forum.. the people here have helped and supported me every step of the way.  Keep posting and talking.. and dig deep to find the stength to get and stay clean.. it is an incredible feeling to be free of it.