Hubby yes parents no ...I am not really worried about telling them I just never have I guess .....
I told my husband, and I told my Mom. Mom will tell the rest of my Family, so that takes careof that.I think in my case, it helps. I want them to know what is going on with me, so that they can help me. They are as supportive as people w/o pill problemsand back pain can be :)
Would never tell anyone at work. That would be the opposite of helpful!
i work for my parents so they knew something was up and always questioned me. towards the end i started missing time off work and was very ill so i told them the truth. wasn't easy, but im glad i did. my ex knows all about it too, that might have been a poor choice there.
I finally fessed up to my b/f, my sister, my ex-supervisor (a very close friend), 2 lifelong friends and a co-worker whose sister is going through the same thing. I did NOT tell my parents. I found that telling those people helped me in that I felt that I was not alone anymore and I had their support. I came to realize that support can mean a whole world of difference no matter what you're going through.
I told my mom after i had quit...like 2 weeks later...maybe i wanted to be sure someone would keep an eye on me...it was during a crying jag......kinda wished i had not told her as it worried her..she loves me and did not deserve that extra worry...and she cant help me...it just wasn't something i needed to burden her with...also told my best friend and again...she could not help me...a while later she told me she was a functional alcoholic..then her husband told me this too the other night...she is one of those who drinks and drinks but never bats an eyelash...successful and never has any real problems from her drinking.....a week or so after i quit she said how r u doing///u dont still want them do u? i am like...let me take ur wine and cigarrettes away from u and ask u a week later "do u still want them"? she had this weird look on her face and my intentions were not to have her say anything about her drinking as it does not bother me....strange......but i think it id make her come to terms with her problem altho she did not quit...nor do i think she needs to if she does not want to
My best friend and husband. I come from one of those families that it would just be something good to use against me later on ... so wouldn't want to tell them....wouldn't get support anyway.
I told my family, my boss, my co-workers anyone that would listen. I wanted accountability and I also wanted them to know wy I would be out of sorts for awhile. This is way too hard to not to let people that care about you know. They have no idea what you are going through which is why this forum is so important.
Not a soul.
So many times I have come close. (I cold turkeyed on April 2)
I still cannot believe that my SO bought the flu story.
Considering I was a wreck with restless legs and arms and did not sleep for a month and a half.
My kids don't know that I have relapsed, but when i got clean the first time, they were 14, 12, and 9. My husband and I discussed it and felt it was best to come clean. They attended treatment with me, and sometimes go to alanon for kids. I want them to learn everything they can about this disease because I believe it is partly genetic, and if I can't deal with emotional issues in my life, I haven't been able to show them how to. I don't ever want them to turn to drugs, and if they do, they'll know where to go for help.
Hubby yes...sibs no. My parents are both gone. Telling my hubby was the best decision I think I have ever made, aside from marrying him. Granted, I've only told him and been clean for 4 days, but still, it feels so right.
Admitting you have a problem and that you're seriously working on it should bring support and respect. Those who don't offer you that aren't really people you need to be around while you're working to stay clean and sober. Staying clean requires hard work, and like all legitimate hard work, it should be supported by your loved ones. Addiction is a disease that some of us can "catch" a lot easier than others - it has absolutely nothing to do with CHARACTER or willpower. This might sound weird, but your mom might be someone who could catch the addiction disease easily -- she just doesn't know because she isn't exposing herself to the catalyst that triggers the disease. If any of us knew we'd be addicts, and couldn't stop a recreational use, we'd probably have made better decisions.
I told my family and by boss before going to rehab [I think they would have wondered where I was, otherwise :>) ]. They all assured me that what was important was that I recover. When I got back to work, my boss told me that only the two people in my department who had been holding down the fort while I was out knew where I'd been (I'm a department head). That was an absolutely hilarious thought. I told him if two people knew then they all knew, but that I didn't mind. When I walked back into my office, after having suddenly disappeared for 60 days, I got lots of hugs and "we're so glad you're back" comments, but ironically no one asked me where I had been -- some how work had gotten around. :>) Same for my family. Although I only told my parents and sister, when I saw my other relatives, they'd (gravely) ask "how ARE you?" in a way that meant: "Are you still in recovery?" That was four years ago, "one day at a time," , and although I don't wear my recovery or AA involvement on my sleeve, I don't consider it to be a secret or anything to be ashamed of.
I finally told my husband and one of my sons noticed himself and he is the one in the begining that helped me even before my husband knew...but thats all no friends or family know.
If I had a husband i would have hoped i could have told him....i have both my parents and do not feel that they had anything to do with this as they are great...i did tell my mom...and she loves me and it hurt her...i would tell my husband if i had one but if i had to choose over again i would not have told my mom...nor did i tell my kids as they are both grown and married...i do not agree that it always serves a purpose to tell everyone in ur entire family about all of this if i did not have to....i dont see the purpose it would serve ...people who really love u hurt when u hurt ...i just dont see where i needed to hurt anyone else..and i wish i had not told my mom...but all is well
Yes, i told my kids first. my brothers, my parents, friends. everyone that was close to me . i described the withdrawl when i run out of pills and that i am trying to come up with some solutions here. everyone was so helpful and supportive and completely understood when i could not make it to social events sometimes. and they were even going through their cupboards looking for forgotten perscriptions to tide me over while i was setting up my taper plan.
hey, we did not set out to get addicted to drugs. it happened and now we need help. what is there to be embarrased or ashamed about. we are trying to make it right.there are not many that will condemn you for that right? and if they do, then who needs them? at the same time we are warning people close to us to not get caught up in it also. who knows, we may have saved someone a lot of grief by opening up our mouths and sharing.
BTW my taper was successful and i am 7 months free now.
Well said brknbck! Congrats on 7 months. I am right with you.
i myself told no one at first. it was something i chose to keep to myself until i felt strong enough that i was not going to fail at it..yet again. Still after the fact very few people know. That is one reason i am so greatful for this forum.
I agree...there is nothing to be ashamed about....some have different relationships with their parents...iwould never have asked my mom to give me drugs...and she does not have any.anyway...dad is a heart patient and stress agravates him...i turned to my meetings for support...to each his own...but people who decide not to involve their loved ones in their problems and handle it on their own are not necessarily ashamed...just thoughtful of the feelings that their loved ones have and may not wish to involve them which is their perrogative...i would never ask my parents for drugs to tide me over...but that is me and everyone is different...i was not ashamed...just decided it was my problem and my support group who knew 1 iota about addiction in the first place is who i turned to...not my 80 year old parents...btw i am 5 months clean and doing fine...my parents are wonderful people and i am an independent type...i stand on my own....good for u broknback for leaning on ur parents and them giving u drugs to taper...that is just not me...btw :and i was never ashamed
just between you and me - no one ever found any pills to give me. they were just being that understanding and supportive of my problem. instead of condemning me.
which was great.
I was addicteed to Loritab...lots of surgery and too many doctors giving it out. Was only on for a year but very heavy doses...anyway, before my last 2 surgeries, I started telling EVERYONE....family, friends, doctors, dentists, even strangers sometimes :-) I just wanted out so bad...so then the docs and me and my husband had a plan...that 6 weeks post op of my last surgery, I would enter a medical detox for a week (the way to go!) So I kept using through the surgeries but knew there was a plan....everyone was very supportive and by telling so many people, I built a real wall of accountability....even told pharmacies....and it would be difficult for me to get some very quick now....but I have not even wanted it, knowing all this...the more people I told, the less power the drug had over me....really incredible.
I told a couple friends..I don't have much family..mom and brother..neither of them were too helpful ..My husband knew because I begged for help many times..I never felt that I had to lie to him..however he hurt me very badly by telling many people about it..I was humiliated and felt he didn't have a right to spread my business around..That was up to me..He is an addict presently and I wouldn't dream of doing that to him..I have had it thrown in my face more times then I care to count..
I think my son (19) has been the most helpful to me..I told him and my oldest daughter (22)..they were amazing!! When I went through methadone w/d it was impossible to hide because of how sick I was..
My whole immediate family knew when I went through the methodone w/ds,Just like Lisa ,I don't think I could have hid that if I wanted to.I remember the first time I admitted to my kids about the pills and that I wanted to stop,much to my surprise,they already knew.I specifically remember my daughters response when I,crying hysterically,told her how sorry I was that I let this happen and how ashamed I was.She calmly said to me "why are you so upset mom? We knew you had a problem for a long time we just didn't want to say anything,wanting to stop is a good thing you should be happy,we are." All of my kids were sooooooooo supportive.However,they also were not very happy about me going the methodone route.I certainly should have listened to them and avoided that mistake.So when I told them I was stopping the methodone,they were really relieved,and since my husband is gone alot because of work,although he supported me as much as he could,it was my kids who helped to take care of me through the methodone detox.I know that I could not have done this without the help of my family.Telling them or at least my saying it out loud to them,since they already knew anyway,made me accountable.I don't think once I put it all out there that I would have been able to live with the guilt and shame I would have felt if I didn't see it through.I knew that they wouldn't make it easy for me to stop trying,they would have called me on it,and thats really the reason I told them.I didn't really trust myself to stick it out in the beginning,but I trusted that my kids were tough enough to give me the occasional kick in the @$$ whenever I thought about giving in.I still deal with some shame and guilt about that though to be honest.Eventhough my kids are grown,I'm still their mother,and I should be taking care of them not them of me.Although they never even mention it.I have expressed to them how thankful I am for all the love and suupport they gave me during that not so pleasant time and they just say "you take care of us when we're sick,thats what families do." I love my kids and my husband.I'm very blessed.Peace....Kim
I think my family always knows already........................I am 33 but i was in a full on rehab at 15-16 years old..
For years and years i didnt do any drugs and spoke out against its use all the time......Then i found the ill's........Now taht was perscribed by doctor ...so...it's not a drug.....I was wrong..
Now i told parents and friends and everyone....It is better this way.
I told my two kids first and they were so supportive and then I approached my hubby and he was completely understanding although his idea was, "if you want to stop then just put your mind to it and stop." Hmmm wouldn't it be nice if it were that easy!! Anyway I got tons of support from them but I didnt tell my siblings or my mother in law, my parents are deceased so my mother in law is the closest thing I have to a mother.
I think I made the right choice by telling the people that I did. They gave me accountability and I always knew that if anything happened they would be the first to know it.
My husband was the only one in my family that knew. Didn't tell my kids, or my mom. They would have freaked. I did tell two friends (also suppliers) beforehand that I was stopping. Looking back now, I have no one to really talk to in person about my fears, withdrawals, success at kicking, etc. I want to yell it from the rooftops and can't really tell a soul. Husband just says "Congratulations. Now forget about it and move on." I really want to slap him.
I told my family, big mistake! They tried to be supportive at first but didn't know what to do so they ignored it and got upset with me for being sick all the time. At some point each of them sat me down to lecture me of the importance of keeping my commitments and going about my daily life. It didn't matter that I was throwing up every day, unable to sleep at night, depressed to the point of being suicidal (this was all during withdrawls). So when I started using again I didn't tell anyone and now I hear everyday how good I'm doing. It's funny they like me so much better high and they don't even know it.
This time I'm quitting myself w/out telling them. I just can't handle the extra pressure.