Aa
Does everyone need aa/na or aftercare??
Hey guys just trying to learn and I'm really confused again??? Everyone says u have to get after care or aa/na but I never went other than with my mom...but I don't out feel I have any need for it...ok don't spazz out on me...lol...I get that some people need it but I keep getting the impression that u guys think all need it...which I would no problem if I felt I needed it..but my family is my support...I mean I know we live where family is kind of put to the back burner but my family is my life and if not for them the hell I was in I would have took my own life but bc of them I fought and they fought with me...so is family consisted aftercare??... I have never been a part of a forum and I love having so many different points of views but I just don't get some things bc so many people say I want to get me back for my family...I get that...but then we say oh u have to go to aftercare to remain sober...why can't we get back in our familys lives for aftetcare I mean they ate there when noone else is...my poor husband cleaned up vomit, cried with me, cleaned me up and didn't sleep to watch over me....and my children whom are grown (so they think) took turns round the clock watching over me...and I spent many nights in the er with them raging fevers, little league, proms and taxi but all in love...so can some people make it with just their family and a sense of I want my life back or do we have to have aftercare???.... Thank u for any input and I love u all even though we never met...and I admire u all in this struggle called life...but I really need to know ur opinions bc I have a brother that will die soon bc of drug abuse and I raised him along with my other brother and sister and trying to understand all I can so I can help him....thank u all and best wishes my friends....
Lb
I just want to send you much love, support, and prayers....Your well of strength is infinite...My heart goes out to you and your family....Lu
I just want to send you much love, support, and prayers....Your well of strength is infinite...My heart goes out to you and your family....Lu
Vickie I just got home....he is alone right now I feel so guilty but tired had to come home.....his son Chris won't go see him...I'm his mom and my husband who had come a long way from the early days...but things don't look good ad of now...he is a full blown addict...ibekleen knows all this...he shoots up has hepc and is very sick...he never gets sober not one day...my husband and kids are with me....but do they really get it???... No bc I hid a lot from them making things peaceful for them trying not to damage them...just to love them bc that's all I ever wanted as a child just to be loved...but I have to go now..need a quiet place for now...got to reassure my family and then break down....love u and thank u...will update tomorrow...
OMG honey. I didn't know he was in the hospital. I didn't know it was that bad.
Never, ever give up on him. What I meant by you can't help him is that he has to want this. I wish he would ask you for help. I told you I am still praying for him, and you as well. I hope you understood what I meant.
Please come back and talk with us. Please know that people here care and we will help you through this.
Never, ever give up on him. What I meant by you can't help him is that he has to want this. I wish he would ask you for help. I told you I am still praying for him, and you as well. I hope you understood what I meant.
Please come back and talk with us. Please know that people here care and we will help you through this.
Hellcast thank u so much, lulu ur amazing my middle name is Louise by the way lol...love it... Vickie u amaze me, Gnarly ur a rock...if I left anyone out in sorry. But again thank u thank u thank u.
Who are you with right now? You shouldn't be alone, okay?
How long has your brother been in the hospital? That's hard,I know. I have A LOT of brothers and I'm the oldest...so I know what you're talking about and how you have protected them...
How long has your brother been in the hospital? That's hard,I know. I have A LOT of brothers and I'm the oldest...so I know what you're talking about and how you have protected them...
Oh my I'm bawling my eyes out now....thank u all so so so very much....how can I repay ur advice and opinions??? Well I can help my brother....oh I have dealt with so many issues in the last five months....my family meaning my parents and siblings was so screwed up...I'm the oldest and protected my brothers and sisters...we lived in fear all the time....I have been beat unconscience to protect them....my brother and I are 11 years older than our baby brother and sister...I was the oldest never did drugs raised randy kids and we lost William his oldest at the age of five he was such s beautiful child....but he went to see his mom whom didn't even bother to come see for Christmas even though I hinted het everywhere....her sister came to pick them up and pulled out in front of a semi and killed William he was decapitated and we arrived on the scene to find Williams body without a head and cars just driving around regardless of running over Williams head....and Chris was in icu waiting to die he was three at the time....so we spent many nights in icu and many nights in recovery....it took two years of body cast and rehab with Chris...plus my two babies...so anyway turned our family upside down...randy was a drug addict from 12 when my mom got him to take his first hit...I never would I was too scared....well years and years later I had major medical problems...and got on oxys...and found out what my poor brother goes through...shame on me thinking he just quit...but I have dealt with the guilt of it all and my family has always been my life bc my husband of thirty years abused me in every way possible but I took it for my babies bc I wanted better for them...I hid all the beatings from him but they knew children are so smart...but now my brother is dying...ibekleen...thank u for all ur help I mean that but he is dying now...he is the hospital his liver is shutting down plus kidneys and my heart is broken..mine was medical reasons for beoming an addict but I'm no different than my brother we r both addicts...I raised his kids but we r both here and now I'm lost how to help him...he may pull through but what do I do??? I don't know how I didn't even know I was an addict he is a good person loving and kind more tender hearted than I until the drugs but now what....u guys have given me so many options and opinions....thank u so much...I can't stop crying...I only have my phone for access so please forgive the errors between the tears and this stupid phone I'm sure there's many mistakes....I love u all and truly understand every point u guys have made....thank u from the bottom of my heart and soul...just lost over my grief of my brother..love u all and thank u
...I will do all I can to help him even though I had given up....much much much much love..ibekleen thank u so much for ur help...and all u guys sorry can't look back on my phone but all u that responded thank u from the bottom of my heart......
...I will do all I can to help him even though I had given up....much much much much love..ibekleen thank u so much for ur help...and all u guys sorry can't look back on my phone but all u that responded thank u from the bottom of my heart......
Hi there. Most people who achieve longterm sobriety do it on their own without 12 step groups or specific afterare programs*. Too often the term "aftercare" is soley interpreted to mean 12 step groups and recovery programs.
IMO, anything which helps to promote and maintain our sobriety qualifes as aftercare. A supportive family, an internet forum, excercise, walking the dog, professional therapy, specialist doctors consultations ie; brief interventions and motivational interviewing, yoga, church, hobbies, etc, etc,etc all qualify...... If its healthy and helps keep you sober then it qualifies as aftercare.
"What helps" is often very personal, specific and relative to the individuals requirements. Some of the suggested recovery programs that I tried never sat well with me and proved detrimental to my recovery. What eventually worked for me was the lengthy friendship I had with my old methadone counsellor who provided helpful advice and moral support whenever I needed it. I found "serenity" on my surfboard and in the renewed relationships I had reestablished with my estranged family and friends. Contentment and meaning was found with the birth of my son and my relationship with his wonderful mother.
Sure, confronting old demons and dealing with childhood trauma can be a cathartic experience and may help with our recoveries but these should be dealt with by qualified and credentialled professionals rather than unqualified laymen, (in recovery groups) masquerading as recovery gurus. Besides, we all have our demons and unresolved issues but most people manage to live happy, productive and drugfree lives in spite of them. Theyre certainly not a justification or excuse for continued substance abuse. When people are sincerely ready and prepared they will move mountains to ensure their sobriety.
Anyways, all the best on your journey.
Kind regards Jeremy.
4 years 5 months drug and alcohol free thanks to ME!!
If you dont pick up you wont relapse. It really is that simple.
*There is a high rate of recovery among alcoholics and addicts, treated and untreated. According to one estimate, heroin addicts break the habit in an average of 11 years. Another estimate is that at least 50% of alcoholics eventually free themselves although only 10% are ever treated. One recent study found that 80% of all alcoholics who recover for a year or more do so on their own, some after being unsuccessfully treated. When a group of these self-treated alcoholics was interviewed, 57% said they simply decided that alcohol was bad for them. Twenty-nine percent said health problems, frightening experiences, accidents, or blackouts persuaded them to quit. Others used such phrases as "Things were building up" or "I was sick and tired of it." Support from a husband or wife was important in sustaining the resolution.
Treatment of Drug Abuse and Addiction — Part III, The Harvard Mental Health Letter, Volume 12, Number 4, October 1995, page 3.
(See Aug. (Part I), Sept. (Part II), Oct. 1995 (Part III).)
**The NIAAA's 2001-2002 National Epidemiologic Survey on Alcohol and Related Conditions interviewed over 43,000 people. Using the criteria for alcohol dependence found in the DSM-IV, they found:
"About 75 percent of persons who recover from alcohol dependence do so without seeking any kind of help, including specialty alcohol (rehab) programs and AA. Only 13 percent of people with alcohol dependence ever receive specialty alcohol treatment."
**American Health Magazine reported:
.....people are about ten times as likely to change on their own as with the help of doctors, therapists, or self-help groups.
J. Gurion, American Health Magazine, March 1990.
*
IMO, anything which helps to promote and maintain our sobriety qualifes as aftercare. A supportive family, an internet forum, excercise, walking the dog, professional therapy, specialist doctors consultations ie; brief interventions and motivational interviewing, yoga, church, hobbies, etc, etc,etc all qualify...... If its healthy and helps keep you sober then it qualifies as aftercare.
"What helps" is often very personal, specific and relative to the individuals requirements. Some of the suggested recovery programs that I tried never sat well with me and proved detrimental to my recovery. What eventually worked for me was the lengthy friendship I had with my old methadone counsellor who provided helpful advice and moral support whenever I needed it. I found "serenity" on my surfboard and in the renewed relationships I had reestablished with my estranged family and friends. Contentment and meaning was found with the birth of my son and my relationship with his wonderful mother.
Sure, confronting old demons and dealing with childhood trauma can be a cathartic experience and may help with our recoveries but these should be dealt with by qualified and credentialled professionals rather than unqualified laymen, (in recovery groups) masquerading as recovery gurus. Besides, we all have our demons and unresolved issues but most people manage to live happy, productive and drugfree lives in spite of them. Theyre certainly not a justification or excuse for continued substance abuse. When people are sincerely ready and prepared they will move mountains to ensure their sobriety.
Anyways, all the best on your journey.
Kind regards Jeremy.
4 years 5 months drug and alcohol free thanks to ME!!
If you dont pick up you wont relapse. It really is that simple.
*There is a high rate of recovery among alcoholics and addicts, treated and untreated. According to one estimate, heroin addicts break the habit in an average of 11 years. Another estimate is that at least 50% of alcoholics eventually free themselves although only 10% are ever treated. One recent study found that 80% of all alcoholics who recover for a year or more do so on their own, some after being unsuccessfully treated. When a group of these self-treated alcoholics was interviewed, 57% said they simply decided that alcohol was bad for them. Twenty-nine percent said health problems, frightening experiences, accidents, or blackouts persuaded them to quit. Others used such phrases as "Things were building up" or "I was sick and tired of it." Support from a husband or wife was important in sustaining the resolution.
Treatment of Drug Abuse and Addiction — Part III, The Harvard Mental Health Letter, Volume 12, Number 4, October 1995, page 3.
(See Aug. (Part I), Sept. (Part II), Oct. 1995 (Part III).)
**The NIAAA's 2001-2002 National Epidemiologic Survey on Alcohol and Related Conditions interviewed over 43,000 people. Using the criteria for alcohol dependence found in the DSM-IV, they found:
"About 75 percent of persons who recover from alcohol dependence do so without seeking any kind of help, including specialty alcohol (rehab) programs and AA. Only 13 percent of people with alcohol dependence ever receive specialty alcohol treatment."
**American Health Magazine reported:
.....people are about ten times as likely to change on their own as with the help of doctors, therapists, or self-help groups.
J. Gurion, American Health Magazine, March 1990.
*
For most of us after yrs of drug use we need some form of structure coming off the stuff and aftercare is the answer A/A andN/A are free and everywhere ....there also great programs but you can also use a substance abuse counselor or therapist most major med ins will cover out pacent its like IBK says most of us need it because the pills are just a symptom of whats going on I have used N/A but over the last 3yr have been to a substance abuse conslor we have got down to the root issues ofv why I used in the first place he has also taugt me a new way to think and reason more rashanel then the one I was using why dont you give it 3 trys....I always try things 3 times b/4 I say its good or bad for m,e you will have to go out of your com,fort zone but it will be worth it personally I think all addicts need it good luck and God bless......Gnarly
Hi! You ask some great questions! This one is particularly controversial because there are folks who swear by AA,others who don't, others who believe that's all there is, others who would never go anywhere, and others who don't believe in anything at all...it goes on and on...I just like to tell folks, from my own experience, that they should do something and it doesn't always matter WHAT it is. Some kind of support.
This is extremely individual and can change as we change and evolve. It's different for everyone, in other words. In your case, I think family may be ALL you need and that's how you feel. You're doing well within that support system and learning along the way...With your brother it's different. He needs a more intensive support and one that HE wants to go after.
If you've been speaking with IBK, you can't go wrong. She will take you where you need to go in terms of your brother. There are many options for him,I'm sure.
As the other friends have said, it's important to be with folks who truly understand us and want to work with us to be well! As long as we find that, is what's important here, not always what it IS. In other words: groups and meetings may not be for me at all but I couldn't do what I do without my therapist and swimming everyday; volunteering, my work, and my family.
Keep asking questions and take care of YOU, too!
This is extremely individual and can change as we change and evolve. It's different for everyone, in other words. In your case, I think family may be ALL you need and that's how you feel. You're doing well within that support system and learning along the way...With your brother it's different. He needs a more intensive support and one that HE wants to go after.
If you've been speaking with IBK, you can't go wrong. She will take you where you need to go in terms of your brother. There are many options for him,I'm sure.
As the other friends have said, it's important to be with folks who truly understand us and want to work with us to be well! As long as we find that, is what's important here, not always what it IS. In other words: groups and meetings may not be for me at all but I couldn't do what I do without my therapist and swimming everyday; volunteering, my work, and my family.
Keep asking questions and take care of YOU, too!
LB
Hey Doll...I understand your conflict and have gone through it myself. I have to say I really agree with IBK on all fronts...But it is a personal decision. I have family members (extended) who are addicts and are sober and don't do NA/AA...and family members who are addicts and sober and do go. I have to say-I see a big difference in the quality of life in the two in terms of coping, depression, overall happiness. Recovery is individual-and what path you take and works for you is up to you....But it does involve looking at those core issues and changing behaviour...It's difficult to do that with the people that we are closest to....Like Kyle said-it's about finding common ground with those that have been where we are...It's sometimes easier to be open and honest with someone who truly understands-or a professional who specializes in this arena and is objective...And support is support. Whatever you choose to do-know that you are supported here.....Lu
Hey Doll...I understand your conflict and have gone through it myself. I have to say I really agree with IBK on all fronts...But it is a personal decision. I have family members (extended) who are addicts and are sober and don't do NA/AA...and family members who are addicts and sober and do go. I have to say-I see a big difference in the quality of life in the two in terms of coping, depression, overall happiness. Recovery is individual-and what path you take and works for you is up to you....But it does involve looking at those core issues and changing behaviour...It's difficult to do that with the people that we are closest to....Like Kyle said-it's about finding common ground with those that have been where we are...It's sometimes easier to be open and honest with someone who truly understands-or a professional who specializes in this arena and is objective...And support is support. Whatever you choose to do-know that you are supported here.....Lu
It's wonderful to have your family's support and many of us have burned bridges and lost our friends and family so you are lucky.
The reason why aftercare (whatever form you choose) is suggested is so that you can get to the core issues of why you used and to learn relapse prevention skills, coping skills and life skills. Many of us end up unemployable and socially inept as well. We need to learn to live again or to start again.
The actual taking of the drug is a symptom of what is going on with us. It is the last thing that happens. The BEHAVIOR and the THINKING is what needs to change.
Being a part of an online support group is great but it does not replace what happens during recovery care in the real world. Nothing can replace that one on one support and therapy.
I could go on and on about this but I don't want to bore you with details or statistics or any other type of stuff like that. Bottom line, it is an individual choice. If you are clean and you feel your life is in order and you will stay on this track then that's okay. For me, I needed that 180 degree change to get and kind of a life back.
You and I have talked about your brother and gave you my opinion that he needs professional help. He is NOT one of the ones who can simply put the drug down and walk away. It is a way of life for him and he needs to learn new coping skills and new life skills in order to STAY clean. Again hun, it is just my opinion. Talk with other members here and see how they feel. And please remember what I told you that you cannot get clean for him nor can you force him to get clean. HE has to ask for help. I still pray for him.
The reason why aftercare (whatever form you choose) is suggested is so that you can get to the core issues of why you used and to learn relapse prevention skills, coping skills and life skills. Many of us end up unemployable and socially inept as well. We need to learn to live again or to start again.
The actual taking of the drug is a symptom of what is going on with us. It is the last thing that happens. The BEHAVIOR and the THINKING is what needs to change.
Being a part of an online support group is great but it does not replace what happens during recovery care in the real world. Nothing can replace that one on one support and therapy.
I could go on and on about this but I don't want to bore you with details or statistics or any other type of stuff like that. Bottom line, it is an individual choice. If you are clean and you feel your life is in order and you will stay on this track then that's okay. For me, I needed that 180 degree change to get and kind of a life back.
You and I have talked about your brother and gave you my opinion that he needs professional help. He is NOT one of the ones who can simply put the drug down and walk away. It is a way of life for him and he needs to learn new coping skills and new life skills in order to STAY clean. Again hun, it is just my opinion. Talk with other members here and see how they feel. And please remember what I told you that you cannot get clean for him nor can you force him to get clean. HE has to ask for help. I still pray for him.
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I'm in day six of a Norco detox. I too have a great family. When I started I told all of them what was going on and why - hard to tell your wife and kids the truth about your addiction, but they are wonderful. Now, having said that, NONE of them, thankfully, have ever struggled with addiction, thus they've never experienced ct withdrawal. So, when I talk to them about my shakes, not being able to eat or sleep, tell them why I can't drive 5 minutes to pick up some burgers, why I cry more than usual, well, they listen but don't get it. So, I post here, and I go to AA or NA meetings because sometimes talking to others who have gone through, or are going through this hell really helps, and they may have a tip or two to keep you clean and honest with yourself. My wife tells me I'll be fine, and that's nice. When someone on this site, or in a meeting, congratulates me on my progress and says I'm doing fine, well, that's great. Coming from another abuser, it means more, at least to me.